Must you do the things you do? You keep on acting like a fool

I knew who Kylie was as soon as she walked back. And instantly, I was annoyed by her. She was beautiful, and normally that would intimidate me, but all it ended up doing was pissing me off. She had shiny, straight, long dark brown hair – almost black. Everything on her seemed… Sharp. She flashed a big white smile at me when she approached, and again, while normally I might be obsessing over just how straight and white her teeth were, all I could think about were how the ends looked razor sharp.

She was beautiful, but her beauty was the typed that just screamed “I’m a bitch.”

And again, normally I might hesitate to judge a book by it’s cover, but from everything I heard about Kylie, I knew I was right.

I sat in my chair, feeling highly agitated and ready to fight. I felt a little bad for snapping at Seth, as I wasn’t quite sure this could be blamed on him – but I just wasn’t sure who to blame it on. I knew it wasn’t my fault, and I knew I couldn’t even really start a fight without seeming like I was the bitchy one. So I sat there, quiet and seething, and each time I heard Kylie’s stupid fake laugh, I had to hold myself back from leaping up and punching her in the face.

I didn’t even realize I was bouncing my leg until Drew walked over and sat down next to me, placing his hand to stop the jiggling.

“You’re making it obvious.” He said quietly.

“What?” I asked.

“That she’s getting to you. It’s what she wants to do, obviously, and you’re making it pretty clear that it’s working.”

“What am I supposed to do? Hang all over Seth and rub it in her face? Or go over and trade backhanded compliments with her, like she’s my new bestie?”

“No. You’re just supposed to act normal.”

“I don’t feel normal.” I seethed through my teeth.

He was quiet, and I again, I felt bad for snapping at him when it wasn’t his fault.

“Did you know my Mom’s getting married?” He asked, after a moment of silence.

“No.” I said, shocked again.

“Yeah, she called me awhile ago. She keeps bugging me to go to the wedding.”
“…Are you going?” I asked, cautiously. This is how Drew and I used to talk, and while we said we had made up, I didn’t think that we would jump back to normal so quickly and easily. I was worried if I pushed too much, he would bolt.

He shrugged again and was quiet. I worried that I had said too much.

“The thing is…” He started, a moment later. “I don’t really like to talk about it too much. Because, well… It makes me sound horrible. And I’m so used to her sounding like the horrible one, you know? It was just easier to play the victim, I guess. But no. I don’t think I will be going. I really have no desire to see her, or be a part of her life. I wish she would just leave me alone.”

I forgot about Kylie and Seth, and instantly my agitation was gone and replaced with concern for Drew.

“I mean she’s trying though… That’s got to give her some points, right?”
He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. Leaning back he took a long sip of his beer, and I worried that I had angered him.

“I guess you’re right. It should count, but it doesn’t… It’s just, for me… Too little too late, you know? I mean for years this is all I wanted, my Mom to wake up and be happy. But I didn’t think she’d do it without us, which is what pretty much happened. And I mean… I guess sometimes you just need to move on, which is what she’s trying to do, which I can kind of understand – but the fact that really bugs me is she’s not acknowledging the past at all. She’s acting like it’s always been so normal. She’s forgetting that for most of my life she’s been this absentee parent and now she just wants to step back in, no questions asked. It’s almost like on sitcoms where they’d replace a character with a different actor. Like nobody’s going to notice.”

“Have you told her any of this?”

“No. I just feel like she should know. Which I realize sounds really unfair but… I mean, how could she not know?”

I shrugged. “I mean… Maybe she just thinks it’s easier for everyone – you included – to just gloss over the past. Not talk about it.”

“I know that’s it. But I just don’t think it’s fair to let her off the hook so easily. Again, I know it makes me sound horrible, but I want her to acknowledge the fact that she was a shitty mother, and apologize for it. It’s like, she thinks I should just be there for her because she is my Mom – but she hasn’t bothered to act like one for my whole life, so why should I cut her that break? She’s practically a stranger.”

We were quiet for a moment, and I realized what Drew was doing. Talking about something he probably wouldn’t have talked about normally in order to get my mind of Kylie. I surveyed the party and also noticed Drew was right – the fact that I had been acting normal had in turn annoyed Kylie, and it was clear she had upped her volume and her antics to try to get to me – moving closer to Seth, tossing her hair and flirting with him. I waited for that feeling of agitation to come back, but it didn’t. Instead I felt kind of sorry for her – her fiancé looked bored and annoyed and Seth looked annoyed as well. I had to stifle a little laugh, and then turned my attention back to Drew.

“You talk to Christi about this at all?” I asked, unable to hide my curiosity about their relationship.

He shrugged. “I tried too, a couple of times. She keeps asking when she gets to meet my Mom and stuff. I let it slip about Mom’s wedding and she was gung ho on going. I tried to explain to her how I felt and she jumped into therapist mode, trying to tell me how I needed to talk to my Mom about my feelings and blah blah blah. So I just kind of stopped talking about it, and she asks occasionally but we got into a big fight and she backed off. The thing is, I know I’ll talk to Mom eventually. Probably. But I really think right now I’m just so angry that it’s not going to do any good.”

I sat, quietly, trying to think about what to tell him. I always thought I was horrible in these situations – I could listen to problems, but usually had no idea what to say. I usually tried to come up with something, and it always sounded so fake and forced to me – probably because I knew it was. So this time, I decided to go with a different approach.

“I don’t know what to tell you Drew. I do think you should be honest with your Mom, but I think if you do it now, when you know you aren’t ready, it’s just going to end in a fight. I think you should maybe just ignore her for awhile. Don’t take her phone calls, don’t read her emails, just give it some time. You’ll know when you’re ready. Sorry it’s not the best advice, but it’s all I’ve got.”

“No, no. It’s great advice.” He smiled at me, and I felt my stomach flip. I looked away, trying to hide the blush I felt creeping across my face.

Unfortunately, when I looked away, I caught Seth’s eye. The look on his face was not a happy one, and I could tell he had been watching Drew and I talk.
Immediately the agitated feeling came back, and I rolled my eyes at him. It was OK for him to have an ex-girlfriend over and talk to her, when he didn’t even like her company, but I wasn’t allowed to talk to Drew, who had been a good friend before we dated, and was now a good friend after?

“Well.” I said, standing. “I’m really tired. I’m going to hit the hay.”

Seth stood up as well. “I’ll come with you.”

I shook my head – I knew what would happen if we went to bed together. We would fight, and I really just didn’t want to deal with it tonight.

“No. Stay. Hang out with your friend.” I said, smiling at Kylie. “Goodnight all.”

And without waiting for him to answer, I walked inside and shut the door.