Authors note, and a Flashback!

So, there's been a lot of drama surrounding the blogs I read, and I know a lot of you read these other blogs as well, so you probably know what I'm talking about. Here's my opinion on posting schedules, this is just my personal opinion, and you're most certainly welcome to voice your opinion if you'd like. Yes, none of us are getting paid to do this (or at least, most of us probably aren't.) I'm not going to pick the blog over my family, or my friends. If something comes up, I'm not going to stress about how I'm supposed to have a post up. I started this blog with no set schedule. Right now, while I have the postings, I'm trying to post every other day. If I get busy (or have another baby, because we are trying for number two right now.), or run out of ideas, I may slow down. If I know something is coming up in advance, and I might be busy, I'll let you guys know. If an emergency comes up, I'm not going to worry about the blog while I go deal with it.

But, I also feel like we do have a level of commitment to you guys. Yes, we're doing this for fun, yes, we aren't getting paid for it, but point blank, we started it, most of us "advertised" in a way, posting the link some where, or even by just making the page public. I think we owe it to you guys to set a schedule that works best for us, and then try to stick to it. If whatever schedule we've set doesn't work, then change it. I also don't think it's fair to open up comments, and then get mad when people post their opinions, whatever they may be. Sure, there's a way to state your opinion, and you don't have to be rude, but I also don't think that you can get mad when someone just says how they feel. I personally haven't had any comment drama, but I don't think my opinion would change even if someone said "I don't like your posting schedule" or "I don't like how you don't proof-read." My answers to both those things would simply be, sorry you feel that way, but nothing's going to change, and then I would continue on my way.

I'm not trying to be mean to anyone. One blog I stopped reading because I didn't feel a.) that the blog was that great to begin with, b.) that she respected her readers enough to hear their opinions without being incredible nasty in return and c.) That her reasonings for not posting were actually legit. Another blog I'm actually pretty sad about, I feel like she's stressed and has a real reason to be, but can also see the other side a little bit. These are just my personal opinions, and again, you're welcome to voice whether you agree or disagree.

But, I also wanted to thank you guys, one for being such great readers, respecting each other and me, and two for reading this long rant. So, I thought I'd post a bonus post today, and then I'll also have the regular post tomorrow.

I woke up with a start in an unfamiliar bed, sore, dry mouthed, with a headache. I was confused. I felt weighted down. I panicked for a second, not knowing where I was, or why I was being held down. I reached up and felt around for whatever was on my chest. It was an arm. I looked to my left, to see Drew snoring lightly beside me, an arm tucked around me. Last night came rushing back to me, and my headache suddenly became much worse. I gently pushed Drew’s arm off of me, and slipped out of bed. I needed food, I needed water, I needed to call Jarren to have her come pick me up. I wanted desperately to go home, to get on with my life, to leave Jason and this whole mess behind me. I was so over it, so done with caring, so done with trying, just… Done with everything. I wanted to work, I wanted a new boyfriend, a real boyfriend, and I wanted to never speak to Jason again.
I tip-toed out into the living room, unsure of the time, and not wanting to wake anyone. I felt like I slept so hard, my body ached from it. I startled a little to see someone sitting at the kitchen table, and paused for a second, but relaxed when I realized it was only Toni.
“Tea?” She asked as I sat down next to her.
“No thanks.” I didn’t do tea, I thought it was gross.
She shrugged her shoulders, as if to say suit yourself. “You know Jason was really drunk last night, right?”
“Yeah, I figured.” I didn’t want to talk about this anymore.
She raised an eyebrow. “Not just a little drunk, or even pretty drunk, I heard from a couple people he was drunk when he showed up. And then, kept drinking. Kayla says…”
“Yeah, well, I bet Kayla would know.” I cut her off sarcastically. I didn’t want to hear what Kayla had to say, what did I care?
“She said,” Toni continued, pausing to shoot me a look, daring me to interrupt her again. I looked away from her, pouting. “That she highly doubts he remembers anything from last night. She just called. She and Jason are coming over for breakfast. She said he was upset that none of us showed up for the party last night…”
“They’re coming over here?” I asked, interrupting again.
“Yeah, for a goodbye breakfast. For sober goodbyes. Sean’s coming over as well, and Jen’s letting him do this one alone.”
“That’s a shocker.”
“I know.” Toni agreed, sipping on her tea. “So, maybe you could tell him this morning?”
“Uh uh. No way. First, I’m not ever doing that again. And secondly, I’m not sticking this one out.”
“Why not?” She asked, setting down her cup and focusing on me.
“Really? You have to ask?” She continued looking at me, not saying anything. “Because. I can’t do this. I want to go home and get away from all of this.”
“I think you can do this, and you just don’t want too.” She said calmly.
“You’re probably right. Only I don’t see how it matters.” I shot back. I was starting to get angry. I felt like Toni, who barely knew me, was judging me. It made me even angrier that she was staying so calm while I got worked up.
“One of your best friends, and the guy you say you’re in love with, is leaving for a very dangerous place. I don’t see how it doesn’t matter to you.” She finished with her tea, and rose to set her cup in the sink.
“I don’t really see how it’s any of your business, but did you ever stop and think that maybe I’m tired of dealing with all of this? I just want it to be over, so I’m ending it. I’m done.”
She was quiet for a minute, and she pulled things out of the fridge to make breakfast. I thought the conversation was over, and got up to head out of the room.
“You know Ella.” She started. I stopped and turned slightly toward her. Her back was towards me, she was cracking eggs into a large bowl. “I often find that while I regret some of the things I say, I almost always regret the things I don’t say.”
Drew walked in, his hair mussed, his eyes still lined with sleep. He was shirtless, his body tan and muscular from all the landscaping work he helped his father with. For a minute, I was taken aback. I didn’t often really look at Drew, and when I did, I was often struck with how gorgeous he really was. He stopped, and eyed Toni and me. I wondered if our tension could be felt in the air.
“How you feeling?” He asked, his voice still a little thick and scratchy.
“I’m fine. I think I’m going to head out though, you think you can rent a car for me?”
He shuffled past me, ruffling my hair slightly on the way to the fridge. He paused at the question, a carton of orange juice in his hand.
“I thought Jarren was picking you up later today?” He unscrewed the cap and was about to take a swig when Toni smacked his hand and handed him a glass.
“You are not at home Drew.” She reprimanded.
Drew smiled and blushed slightly, taking the glass and pouring a glass.
“She was, but I’m ready to go home.”
He raised his eyebrows at me as he chugged down the glass in one long gulp.
“Jason and Kayla are headed over for breakfast.” Toni explained. “Ella doesn’t want to stick around to say goodbye to him.”
“Ella would love to say goodbye to him.” I muttered. “That’s why Ella’s leaving.”
Drew set down his glass on the counter. Toni eyeballed it, then him, then the sink. Drew got the message and quickly placed his glass in the sink.
“Good boy.” Toni said, jokingly patting Drew on the head.
He smiled at her, and turned towards me. “For what it’s worth, Ell, I think you should stay.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me what to do?” I snapped. “When do I get to make my own choices?”
“Oh Ella, lose the attitude.” Toni said, moving the eggs to the stove and then moving back to the counter to unwrap some bacon. “You can make your own choices whenever you decide too. But you’re coasting and just letting things happen. And we’re just voicing our opinions.”
“Well.” I huffed. “Your opinion is neither wanted, nor needed. I’m going home.” I turned on my heel, walking out of the room. I rifled through my bag and jumped into the shower. A moment later, someone knocked on the door.
“What?” I snapped, letting the hot water run over my body. I thought a shower would calm my nerves, and it wasn’t working.
“It’s me.” Nick called. “Can I come in?”
“Whatever.”
I heard him enter the room, flip the toilet seat down, and sit on it.
“Toni doesn’t mean to piss you off Ell. It’s her personality. She tends to say what she’s really thinking, which can come off…”
“Bitchy.” I finished for him.
“Well, yeah, that’s one word for it.” I heard the smile in his voice. “Look, the thing is, you’re in a tough spot. None of us really know what you’re going through, we’re just on the outside looking in. You have every right to leave, and not a single one of us would blame you for that. In fact, I probably would have cut myself a break a long time ago, if I were you.” He took a breath. “But, here’s the thing about being on the outside, while we don’t know exactly how it feels, we can sometimes think things over better. And we all just think that if you leave, Ell, you’re going to regret it. Especially if something should happen. I know it’s got to be hard, and trust me, I wouldn’t want to be you. I just don’t want you to leave to cut yourself a break now, and then end up paying for it later, you know? You might as well get all your knocks at once, kid.”
I didn’t say anything, thinking his words over. Damn Nick for always going and making sense. I began to soap up my hair, using my fingernails to massage my scalp, trying to rub out some of the tension. My headache started to let up a little.
“Just stay for breakfast. If it gets to be too much, fake being hungover, and go to your room and lay down. At least this way you’ll get to see if Jason remembers anything from last night, and if you feel like trying to tell him again, you can. At the very least, you’ll know that you had a chance to say your goodbyes.”
I sighed, rinsing, and lathering to repeat.
“I’ll take that as a yes, I’ll stay?” Nick prodded.
“There better be lots of bacon.” I said.
I heard Nick chuckle and leave the room.
I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. I knew it was selfish of me, Toni looked freshly showered, and Nick may have already showered, but there was no way Drew had. Still, I got a smug childish satisfaction knowing Drew would have to take a cold shower. Side with Toni over me, will you? Face the consequences!
I didn’t really feel like dressing in real clothes, but since I knew Jason would be here with Kayla, I better at least attempt to make a decent appearance. I refrained from slipping back into Drew’s tee-shirt and a pair of Nick’s shorts (my pajama’s from the previous night, I was constantly stealing the guy’s clothes.) And instead decided to slip into jeans and a white tee. Simple, but the shirt fit right, and the white set off my tan from spending a summer outdoors. I even put on make-up, keeping it light, concealer, mascara, eyeshadow, and liner, but at least it was an improvement.
My hair I left down, I hoped it would dry before they got there, but even if it didn’t, I felt like it added an air of carelessness, like I hadn’t been trying to look good. I excited the bathroom, and went straight to my room to sulk.
I laid down on the bed, and Drew came, gathering his clothes and shower things. I hid a smile thinking of the cold shower that was in store for him. Sure enough, in what had to be a record time, Drew was back in the room, dripping wet (probably cold) water, a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Thanks so much for leaving some hot water for me Ell. There must have been two whole drops!” He said.
“Aw, Drewbie can’t stand a little cold water?” I joked, smiling up at me. He looked at me, an evil smile crossing his face.
“You like cold water Ell?” He asked, slowly moving towards me.
“Oh Drew, don’t, please. I don’t have any other clothes…” I said, trying to sit up. I wasn’t fast enough, and Drew tackled me on the bed, shaking his head so little droplets of cold water rained down on me. When the water stopped, he paused for a minute.
“Get off me, you’re heavy!” I gasped, pushing on his chest.
“Oh, now I’m fat too?” He said, grinning and reaching down to tickle me.
I burst into giggles. I was terribly ticklish, if you even said the word tickle while looking at me, I would probably laugh. I wiggled against him, laughing and trying to squirm away from him.
Drew paused, looking down at me, he opened his mouth, to start to say something, when someone knocked on the door.
“They’re here, c’mon let’s eat!” Nick called.
Drew looked towards the door, distracted. I took this opportunity to push him off of me.
“Get dressed, or you’re going to miss all the fun.” I said, exiting the room. Well, I thought to myself. Here goes nothing.