Run from my past, I run too fast, or too slow it seems...

OK, a couple things before I post today's post (promise I won't make this a habit, lol.)

1.) I told you guys I would pass on great deals when I found them. I just found an awesome one (at least, I thought it was awesome.) I take a butt-load of pictures, and I usually use a lot of photo uploading sites (it's way easier, they often ship directly to me, or I can pick them up, and often when you sign up, you get free prints.) Snapfish is one of my favorites, I ordered my husband a picture mug for Father's day and it turned out great. Well, if you use this link: http://www5.snapfish.com/promo370us?AID=10704366&PID=2734597 you get fifty free prints when you sign up. If you sign up just by going to snapfish.com, it will only give you 20 prints. It also randomly gave me a credit for a free collage poster, I don't know if this is included in all sign ups, or what. Then, if you use the code FreeLabor, shipping is also free. The free shipping code expires the 13, so you gotta act fast. I'm not sure when the other codes expire, but if you move fast you could get a ton of pictures for free! If you already have an account, you could either take advantage of the free shipping, or do what I did, which was sign up for a new account under my Mom's name (I had her permission) and have the prints mailed there.

2.) Make sure if you didn't check yesterday that you look below for a little... Uh, rant? Explanation? I'm not sure what to call it, and the bonus post I put up yesterday.

And onto today's post!

I lowered my arm, which had the money in it, and crossed them across my chest. My eyes narrowed.
“You shouldn’t be here, I didn’t ask you to come.” There was an edge in my voice, and Drew took a step back.
“You weren’t answering my calls.” He said.
“I didn’t want to talk to you. I still don’t.”
“That’s not fair Ella, you can’t cut me off and just expect me to wait.”
“What’s not fair is for you to lie to Jason and not even tell me about it Drew.” I snapped. The puppies whined at my feet. I don’t think they’d ever really heard me yell before.
“I was just trying to help, Ella. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“It didn’t help, it made things worse. And to top it off, you let me blame myself for years, thinking if only I had told him, really told him, we could have been together. Instead it was you, it was your fault!”
“Why does it have to be someone’s fault Ella? Why does there always have to be a reason for things? Can’t you just say things happen? That maybe this was exactly how it was supposed to happen?”
“I can’t say that Drew, because I don’t know. Maybe if you hadn’t did what you did, I could eventually reach that conclusion. But now, I’ll never know how it could have turned out.”
“It’s over Ella. Isn’t that all that matters?” His voice took on an almost pleading tone.
“I know it’s over Drew. There’s nothing you or I can do anymore to change it. You can’t fix this. It’s gotta remain broken.”
“Then why are you so angry?”
“Because Drew. I loved him. I still do, and you took any chance I had out of my hands because on a whim you decided it was best for me. I was angry at myself, because I never told him, I never fought for him, I just let him go. Now, I’m angry at you, because it turns out, he might have told me he was in love with me. But you decided that’s not what I needed, and you decided to lie to him, and then you decided to lie to me.”
“I never lied to you!” Drew exclaimed.
“Oh but you did Drew, when you never told me what you told him. A lie by omission is STILL a lie.”
I watched him stand there, looking at me, with hurt and confusion showing clearly on his face. I wanted to feel bad for him. I wanted to say I was over it, give him a hug, and invite him to eat some pizza, but I just couldn’t. I was still angry, and even more angry that he assumed that showing up here with some flowers would just fix everything. He was missing work, I would have to put him up for the night, and it just showed an obvious disrespect for me and my feelings.
“I’m sorry, Ella. I really am, but you have no idea where I’m coming from. He hurt you, badly, multiple times. Was it his fault the baby died? Of course not. But the whole reason the baby was there was because Jason was being careless. He’s always careless. And you always forgive him for being careless, and even worse, you find someone else to blame. You never chalk it up to Jason being an ass just because he’s an ass. There’s always some magical reason: he’s dealing with his Daddy issues, you weren’t one-hundred percent honest with him, whatever else you can scrounge up.” He paused, tossing the flowers on the ground. “Here’s a newsflash, little girl. Had Jason really loved you? He would have fought for you. He didn’t, because he’s a fickle idiot who didn’t know what he want. He picked Kayla because she was there and she was the easiest choice, and honestly you should consider yourself lucky that you didn’t get stuck with him. All this pining over him is so old, and it’s really pathetic. You give me a call when you decide you’re over it.” He spun on his heel, almost crashing into the pizza man on his way out.
I know I should have called to him, asked him to stay, or even yelled at him, but I couldn’t. I could barely speak to tell the pizza guy to “keep the change.” I wasn’t hungry anymore, and set the box on the table to go pick up the flowers Drew had dropped. The puppies were sniffing at them, tentatively biting them a little. I shooed them away, not knowing exactly what to do with the flowers. Should I keep them? Throw them away? I decided on the latter, seeing as how the trip to the ground and the puppies had gotten the better of them. I picked up the pizza box, along with the forgotten bandana’s, and called the dogs to come inside.
I slumped down on the couch, still in total shock. Drew and I had little spats here and there, but I couldn’t even call them real arguments. They were over and done with within five minutes. And I was always the one who said the mean things, Drew held his tongue a lot better than I tended too. I didn’t really feel hurt, or angry. Not yet anyway, though I was sure both those feelings would come later. For the most part, I just felt surprised. I didn’t really know what to do or how to handle this. I didn’t know if I should call him and apologize, or at least offer the futon for the night.
I decided quickly though that Drew was a big boy. He knew a few other people in Columbus, so if he really wanted too, he’d be able to find a place to stay. If not, maybe the drive back would do him some good, clear his head.
The yipping of the puppies brought me back to the real world. They were hungry, and I had things to do.

I jumped about a foot in the air when the phone rang later. I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock: Eleven Thirty. Man. Where had the time gone? I was half tempted to ignore the phone. After I fed the puppies earlier, I had started working, and got into a rhythm, a groove. I didn’t want to stop working when I was almost done, and worse yet, I didn’t want to get caught up in a conversation and still have to finish the rest of it when I got off the phone. However, the thought of Drew driving home so late popped into my head, and I had a nagging feeling that I should answer it, just in case something had happened, or he hadn’t been able to find a place to stay. I closed my laptop, deciding that I’d go to bed after this phone call, work done or not.
I looked at my caller ID and smiled. It wasn’t Drew, but Greg.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Took you long enough.” He joked.
“I was working, you should try it some time.” I answered, leaning back and smiling.
“Work is for the birds.” He responded. “You OK? You sound tired.”
“I am tired. Someone kept me up way too late last night.”
“Oh? Who was this? Should I be jealous?”
I smiled. “Well, then I had an early morning, a long staff meeting, and a surprise confrontation.”
“Betty getting bulldog again?”
I laughed. I had described Betty as an old, severely overweight, cranky dog.
“No, one of my old friends. It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time.” Was his answer.
“OK. Well, just remember when it’s all over, you’re the one who asked.” I warned.
“Duly noted. So spill.”
I launched into the Jason story, leaving out the mis-carriage and saying instead that I had a breakdown, which wasn’t a complete lie, I did, in fact, have one. I ended repeating word for word what Drew had said to me. It was burned into my brain, a soundtrack that I hated.
“Whoa, that’s quite a bit.”
“I know. I didn’t want to dump that all on you but…”
“I asked.” He completed for me. “Well, honestly, I can see both sides. I mean, he was just trying to protect you, but he didn’t have a right to do what he did. And, you have every right to be angry, but you have to ask why? I mean, it’s over, isn’t it? It’s time to move on.”
“I know that, but I am angry. I think I should be allowed time to be angry. And Drew could have told me what he did any point after he did it, and he chose not too. There was a chance to rectify the situation, and he didn’t take it. Why didn’t he?”
“Well, either because he really thought this guy was bad news for you, or he wanted you to himself.” I heard him munch down on something.
“I don’t think either of those fit.”
“Why not?” He asked, he mumbled slightly, his mouth full.
“Jason’s not a bad guy. He made some mistakes, he can be selfish, but he’s been there a lot for me, he’s not a bad guy. And Drew doesn’t want me, he’s my best friend.”
“Best friends make the best lovers.” He sang.
“Oh, whatever.” I answered, rolling my eyes.
“Seriously, Ella, men and women can’t be friends, it’s like, a scientific fact.”
“You and I are friends.” I pointed out.
“We’re friends with the intent to date. That’s different. I mean, you do want to date me, right? Or at least go out on one date with me?”
“Are you asking me out on a date, Greg?” I asked, smiling.
“I thought I already did?”
“No, you asked me to stop by a show, bring some friends. That’s a casual, hang out thing. It’s not a date.”
“Oh, well. I did that because I wanted to get to know you better, before I committed myself to a date.”
“Oooh, one date is such a big commitment.” I said sarcastically.
“You’re right, it’s not. I’m just the king of bad first dates. Seriously, I’ve had about a billion of them. I’ve found it works much better if I do a casual thing before I actually ask a girl out. It kind of weeds out the crazies.”
“Oh, I see. So you think I’m crazy, and that’s why you haven’t asked me out yet?”
“No no no no no.” He answered quickly.
“Greg, I’m just teasing, you don’t have to ask me out.”
“I know you’re just teasing, but still. I would like to go out with you sometime, one on one. I think you’re pretty cool, and if memory serves me correct, pretty cute as well.”
“Yeah, I clean up nice.” I joked.
“So, Ella, how ‘bout it? I get back into town Sunday, but I’m playing shows until Thursday. Could I take you out Thursday evening?”
I felt the butterflies rise in my stomach. I always felt so shy and self conscious when a guy asked me out, or asked me to be his girlfriend. It was lame of me, acting like I was in second grade. Still, I couldn’t stifle a giggle.
“Laughing at me are you?” Greg asked. “The one time I don’t want to be laughed at.”
“No, sorry. You’re just, kind of adorable.” I paused. “I’d love to go out with you Thursday. What do you want to do?”