I thought there was no way life could get worse. I had broken up with Drew, lost a good friend, gotten almost engaged and broken up with that fiance, and then pretty much had my heart and soul crushed by Drew. The thing is, when you think things can’t get worse, they usually do.
I walked into work, and before I could make it to my desk, my boss intercepted.
“Ella, can I see you in my office?” He asked.
I resisted the urge to sigh, and instead changed direction to follow him. When he shut the door behind us, my heart sank into my stomach. We were pretty open around here, and the only time the doors shut meant bad news was about to be delivered.
“What is it?” I asked, sinking down into the chair.
“While you were gone, we had… Some issues. You know our funding has been repeatedly cut, and there may have been some… Mismanagement of money. Well, there’s no real way to say it. We’re out of money. We can’t afford to do camp this year, and we’re not exactly sure how long the agency itself is going to last. We’re doing some emergency grant writing but… It’s not good.”
“How did this happen? How did we just now realize this?”
“Creative account keeping. They’re looking into it, but… It’s dealt us a pretty low blow.”
“Can I do anything?”
“Not unless you have an inheritance you never told us about. We’re having a meeting about what to do in an hour. Go back to your desk and brainstorm. Or maybe send out your resume.”
I’m pretty sure he was joking. Or at least half joking. But still, I did go back to my desk and pulled up my resume to eye over. It made my heart sad just thinking about it. I had been with the agency for what felt like my entire adult life, and now? It wasn’t just losing my job either. My parents had been harping on me for a while to leave, but… I never thought I would. At least under these circumstances.
I couldn’t focus on anything though, and I saw Mama Rivers eye me wearily when I sat down at the table for the big meeting.
“Welcome back, Ella. I’m sorry you had to come back to this kind of news.”
“It’s OK, how are you holding up?” I asked. This place was Mama River’s baby.
“I’m sad. I was planning on retiring soon anyway, but I had hoped the agency would have many, many years without me. I don’t know what the community will do without us. But, it’s not over till it’s over.” She said, sighing heavily.
I assumed the rest of the staff already knew, but then when Mama Rivers started talking, I realized they hadn’t. I watched as people’s mouths and shoulders dropped, and faces became clenched with stress and worry.
“We can’t not have camp.” Matt said. “The kids have been so excited about it, and I just don’t know…” He stopped talking, and I watched him swallow hard. I was surprised to see he was fighting tears.
I reached under the table to pat his leg, and was surprised when he slipped his hand under and gave mine a squeeze. I realized though, when he shot me a look, that he was worried about ME.
“There’s just no way we can fund an entire summer at camp.” Mama Rivers said. “I’ve been over the numbers and the options… And we’d have to raise cost so high that nobody would be able to afford to go.”
Most of our kids paid very little for a summer at camp, usually the most expensive was sixty dollars for a week. We off-set cost with grants and special programs, fundraising and donations (we had people buy ‘camperships’ – scholarships for camp kids, basically.) But with funding cut, and people donating less… Basically the economy kicked us where it hurt.
“Do we HAVE to go to camp? I mean we could do a day camp here. It won’t be the same of course, but maybe we could finance an overnight to camp once a week? I just really do think the kids need something.” I said.
“That’s an option. We’ll have to go over the numbers and see if it’s possible. Until then, please don’t say anything to the children, or to the parents. We’re planning on having an information meeting next week and will announce then.”
A few other things were discussed, regarding the agency as a whole, but I had tuned them out. For me, thinking about how to save the agency as a whole was just too much to think about. After the meeting adjourned, I started to walk back to my office, and was suddenly aware of the fact that Matt was following me.
“You need something?” I asked.
“You want to head out to lunch? Talk about things?” He asked.
I really didn’t want too, but since he asked, I figured he might need to vent a little. So I nodded, and grabbed my purse out of my locked desk. It wasn’t until after we placed our orders at the Brown Bag and had taken a seat that I realized he had wanted to check in on me.
“How are you doing with all this?” He asked.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“It’s just… A lot had been thrown at you Ella, this is the last thing you needed.” He said, looking concerned.
“I’m not going to break, Matt. It sucks, but all I can focus right now is how to help the agency get out of this situation… And if we can’t get out… Well, find a new job.”
“You sound like you might be in denial.”
I had to laugh. “Really Matt? When did you become a psychologist?”
They came and set our sandwiches down in front of us, and Matt took a second, arranging things before he spoke again.
“I’m not a psychologist, but I’m your friend, and I’m worried about you.” He avoided my eyes as he said this, and it made me feel a little embarrassed.
“I’m sad, Matt. I’m stressed out. But, I can only do so much to try to change the situation. If it doesn’t work…” I shrugged, and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “Life is just full of changes right now. They aren’t fun ones, but I can only assume they’re necessary.”
“What are you going to do if the agency closes?”
I shrugged, and stalled by taking a bite of my sandwich. I felt like crying every time I thought of it, but didn’t want Matt to think I was having another mental breakdown or anything. That was the bad part about fall apart at the seams – even when you gathered yourself back up again, everyone watched you, waiting for you to rip apart again.
“I’ve had some offers before – from other agencies and stuff. I’ll probably put some applications in there. Honestly though, I’ll probably wait awhile. I don’t want to leave if I don’t have too.”
“Is that smart for you, though?”
I shrugged. “I have some savings. I’m sure I’ll get unemployment. If push comes to shove I can go work for my Dad’s company for a while. It’s not what I want to do, but I also don’t want to leave the Settlement until I have too. It makes me seem like I’m bailing. What about you?”
He sighed. Loudly. “I think I’ll have to go home. I mean it’s the reason I’m here, if it’s gone…”
I couldn’t help myself, I choked on my drink and almost spit it out my nose.
“You can’t go home Matt! You’re like, my only friend left here!” I exclaimed when I recovered.
“I don’t have the connections you have here. I don’t know if I could find a job. And I don’t have the savings you do either.”
“You could stay here. I could get you a job with my Dad. You could even move back in with me. I don’t want you to go Matt.” This time I was having a hard time hiding my tears.
The thing is, I do think everything happens for a reason, and I think every hardship in your life teaches you a lesson. I knew there was something I needed to learn for all of this happening. But, it’s just hard not to whine and throw a fit when everything was going wrong. My love life was in the toilet, my professional life was there as well, and now I was also being threatened with losing one of the only friends I had left. I wanted to stamp my foot and scream that it wasn’t fair.
“Maybe. We’ll see. It might end up being pointless. We might end up being able to work this out.”
“That just seems like an awful lot bankin on maybe.”
