It's been a horrible no good very bad day.

Thank you guys, so very much, for being so understanding. I know you all say not to worry, family comes first, and I know that, but I seriously love this blog. I know it may sound corny but I consider some of you friends, and some of you good friends. I know while you may understand why I can't post, I know some of you are disappointed, which I don't like to do. I also love hearing your feedback, and when I don't post, I don't get that.

With that being said, there's no post tomorrow. As I said earlier, my FIL is back in the hospital. He was doing his cardiac rehab exercise and they detected a irregular heartbeat. They admitted him to the hospital, and last we heard, they thought maybe one of his stents had slipped. They may want to go in and do a heart cath again, but we don't know yet. We're still waiting to hear back from his doctor.

Then, on top of that, we're applying for medicaid to get insurance for Cayden, the baby, and I. Medicaid wants a doctor or nurse confirmed positive pregnancy and estimated due date. The issue with that is we don't have insurance. They gave us the number to the free clinic, but it kept ringing up busy. So we called planned parenthood and paid the 16 dollars to have a pregnancy test done.

Imagine my shock when they told me my test was negative. I've taken 3 pregnancy test (four if you count the one I took a few days before my period was due and got the super faint positive.) All of them were positive. TWO of them were digital tests, so I couldn't mis-read the results. When I told her this, she got a little rude. "Well the test *I* did was negative, so you may experience some bleeding. If that's the case, go to the ER." No reassurance, no saying that maybe I was just super early. So of course, I FREAK out. I held it together till we got outside but I was sobbing, convinced I was going to have a miscarriage.

My hubby, the "you're addicted to pregnancy test and I'm cutting off your supply" man insisted we go get more pregnancy tests and take them on our own.

Now I've heard places like planned parenthood use cheap dollar store tests. I know for a LOT of people, these work well, but for me? I've never gotten a positive test on them.

I took one dollar store test, one equate test. Both came back positive. The dollar store test is faint, but it is a positive.

So now I'm just kinda pissed. Either planned parenthood read my test wrong or switched my results (there was a girl who knocked on the door when I was taking my test, and I'm pretty sure she got a positive.) I know the latter isn't likely, but why else would I come home and get two positives?

We checked our insurance coverage, and we thought that since Jeremy got fired in March, his coverage would end in March. Well, it says still active, so we're going to call my OBGYN tomorrow and try to get in ASAP to see wtf is going on.

So, prayers please.

New Post Below

I was hoping it would be up earlier than planned, but it's been a bad morning. I was also hoping to hammer out tomorrow's post but we got a phone call this morning that while Jeremy's Dad was doing his cardiac rehab, he started with an irregular heartbeat. They're admitting him into the hospital and think that they'll have to do another heart cath to see what's going on.

I'm sorry things are so up in the air right now. I will try my hardest to bang out another post and keep you guys updated.

Seth's POV

I know it sounds cliché. But I have never met anyone like Ella McLean. Sure, she was pretty, but I had known a lot of pretty girls. Looks alone are only good for some things, and believe me when I say that guys do eventually get tired of that. I knew I liked Ella before I went away with her, but now it was pretty safe to say that I was in love.

However, I wasn’t sure how she felt about me. When we were alone, I knew it. The way she looked at me, the way she smiled at me, the way she touched me… It all meant one thing. But I watched her when we were around Drew… Well, you were able to physically feel the coldness come off her. He affected her, and right now it was in a negative way, but I knew how easily that could flip. I trusted Ella. I don’t think she would cheat on me or lie to me, but I didn’t know if she would pick me over Drew.

She was quiet on the way home, and I knew she was upset about going away again.

“If you don’t want to spend time with me, you don’t have too.” I meant it as a joke, but I knew the second the words were out of my mouth, it didn’t sound like one.

“What makes you think I don’t want to spend time with you?” She asked, looking confused and slightly annoyed.

“I was joking… You just seem upset about going to Grandpop’s house again. I thought we had a good time…”

“We did… I want to go back…” She trailed off, looking out the window.

“You just don’t want to go with Drew.” I said, reaching for her hand.

“That obvious?” She asked, glancing over at me with a wry smile.

“Yeah. Actually. You change when you’re around him. You get really… Stone cold, I guess is the best way to put it.”

“I’m sorry.” She answered, glancing away again.

“What happened? I thought you told me you two were best friends.
”
“I also told you we dated. It is never good for friends to date.”

“You really believe that?” I asked, turning into her driveway.

“I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t say it ends badly for everyone, there’s always an exception to every rule, but for the most part… I mean Jason and I dated, and we’re just now sort of getting back to being OK. And even that… Well it’s not anywhere close to where it used to be, and I don’t think we’ll ever get back to that place. Drew and I are in total ruins. I don’t know what I did to make him so angry at me, but I know I’m done with it all.”

“He’s in love with you.” I stated simply. I knew we were about to get into a conversation that neither of us probably wanted to have, but I knew I couldn’t go any further into this relationship unless we had it.

She snorted. “No, he’s not. He hates me right now.”

“He wants to hate you, because he’s in love with you, and it hurts. So he’s trying to mask that with being angry with you. Trust me Ella, the guy is tortured.”

She shook her head. “I don’t buy it. He told me to move on, he told me to date other people. Someone in love would NEVER say that. Besides, he’s with Christi.”

“Christi, a girl who is a lot like you. I said it myself.”

“So, are you saying you’re with me to replace Christi?”

“No. I knew it wouldn’t work out with Christi. You have everything I admired in Christi, plus more.”

“Well. Maybe it’s the same with Drew.”

Now it was my turn to shake my head. “You don’t have to believe it, but I’m telling you. Head over heels.” I paused, trying to summon courage to pose the next question. “If he wasn’t with Christi, would you want to get back with him?”

She was quiet for a long while. I know this might make other guys nervous, but honestly, I knew that the longer she thought about it, the more believable her answer would be. If she came back with a quick yes, I would suspect she was only trying to say what she thought I wanted to hear.

“No. I don’t think I would. I have feelings for Drew, that’s undeniable. But… I guess I just learned with Jason is to let go. It didn’t work. There’s no point in dwelling on the past. And no matter what you say, if Drew wanted to be with me so badly, he’d tell me. He doesn’t want me.”

“I heard nothing in there about your feelings for me…” I said, suddenly feeling angry. “If all this is about is Drew not telling you he wants you, then why are you with me?”

“You didn’t ask me how I felt about you. You asked me about Drew. And you also asked me to be honest with you, and that’s the truth. I believe that if Drew wanted to be with me, he’d tell me. But again, even if he were to come to me and tell me differently? We’re done. If I keep looking back, I have a feeling I’ll never move forward.”

I was still frustrated. I had hoped that by asking her about Drew, this conversation would turn into one about us, our relationship, and where we were going.

“I just don’t get it. If you still want him, you should be with him and not me. Or at least by yourself. I don’t know want to be with you if you still want to be with someone else.”

She sighed loudly, obviously annoyed with me as well. “I don’t want to be with Drew, Seth. It’s just one of those things… He’s been my friend for so long, and I cared about him a lot. Feelings like that don’t go away overnight, and sometimes they NEVER go away. I promised you that I would be honest with you, and this is just me being honest. If you don’t like or are uncomfortable with the answer, then maybe we just aren’t going to work.” Her arms were across her chest now, and I could tell she was angry and upset.

“I’m sorry Ella. I just don’t understand I guess.”

“Then maybe you should just go home tonight.” She said, getting out and slamming the door.

I sat in her driveway for a moment, waiting to see if she’d come back out, and trying to decide if I should go back in. Eventually I decided just to give her space, and I backed out of the driveway and headed home.

I just didn’t understand her. And I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I was only there as second choice.

When I arrived home, the house was dark with a flicker on the TV. I walked in to Chloe, camped out on the couch, her head wrapped lying under her pink snuggie.

“Why are you home?” She asked, looking confused. “I thought you were staying at Ella’s?”

“We got into a fight.” I said, sitting down on the couch. She started to scoot up to give me room, but I pulled her feet across my lap. I knew she was most comfortable laying down. “Where is everyone else?”

“They went out to dinner. I didn’t feel like eating. You guys got into a fight already? You just got back from what looked to be the most awesome weekend ever, making goo goo eyes at each other, and in what? Ten minutes you fight?”

I shrugged, focusing on the TV. I could feel Chloe’s eyes on me.

“What’d you fight about?”

“Drew. I asked her if she still had feelings for him and she said yes.”

“Ohmygod. No way! She totally is in love with you.” Chloe exclaimed. “What exactly did she say?”

I didn’t want to get into it. While the weekend had been amazing, it had also been exhausting. But I knew Chloe wouldn’t back down, and it would take more energy to fight her then to just give in. SO I repeated the conversation as close to word for word as I could.

“Seth.” Chloe said, leaning up and smacking my forehead. “She never said she wanted to be with Drew. She said she had feelings for him. Which, is understandably and had she said anything differently I wouldn’t be so quick to believe her. You need to go back over there an apologize!”

“But she didn’t say anything about how she felt about me!” I shot back, rubbing my forehead.

“And you didn’t ASK about you, you asked about Drew. You always do this Seth, you always really like a girl and then find some way to back out of the whole thing. I get that Ella’s situation is a little complicated, but would you look at ours? She’s been really great, and you know it.”

I didn’t answer, just looked away. “I guess I’m just unsure of where we stand. Where I stand. I don’t want to like her so much only to find out she doesn’t like me at all.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to being in a relationship, bucko. It’s all about taking a chance. The only way to find out where you stand is to go back over there and ask her. So go. And take some flowers with you or something.”

Sometimes I hated to admit that my little sister was smarter than me. But, she usually was. So I pulled myself off the couch and headed back over to Ella’s.

There will be a new post tomorrow, it just may be late, because while it is written, I am being SUPER lazy and have to motivate myself to post it (I know, sounds super lazy and it is. It's a combo of too much ham/candy/tiredness. Happy Easter, to those who celebrate, btw!)

But, wanted to share this with you guys:

Oh boy (or girl?)

You probably weren't expecting this post. It has nothing really to do with the blog so much as just me rambling on. Most of you will probably skip this post, either because it doesn't interest you, or because by the time you check back for an update, there will be something else posted.

I'm pregnant. Or at least, I'm pretty sure I am. I haven't had the symptoms I had with my son... Which was mainly VERY sore breasts. This one I've just been sick to my stomach off and on, and then within the last couple days, I've been so tired (napping and then turning in early. Which, usually doesn't happen. I, like my son, am not a good sleeper. I'm actually on sleeping pills. If I nap, it's almost a promise that I won't be able to fall asleep at night, let alone go to bed early.) I took a test Monday, even though it was early, and got a faint positive line, but then all the rest I took were negative. I chalked it up to an error on the first test (from what I've read online, if you look at it too long after the "result time" a faint line can appear.)

I kept telling myself I may still be pregnant, it was still early to test. I kept waiting - I had one more pregnancy test left, and although I wanted to take it... Well, I didn't want to waste it. My period was two days late, and I was talking on facebook to my friend who is now 20-something weeks pregnant (the friend I was trying to get pregnant with) and she mentioned how her period was 2 weeks late, and she was still getting no's when she tested. She was using the same brand of tests I was using.

I begged my husband to go get me a different brand.

I know it sounds dumb. Why couldn't I just wait? Well... If you've been pregnant, you probably understand, especially if you've been wanting a baby SO badly. You want to pee on those sticks every five seconds until you get a for sure answer, which may never come.

And then everyone's got a story - The friend who never got the positive test result until x amount of weeks after her period, the friend who go the positive result and turned out not to be pregnant... The friend who has a friend who never found out she was pregnant until the baby arrived (I heard MANY of these stories when I was pregnant. My in-laws nurse kept gaining weight and was working out and working out trying to get rid of it. Found out she was pregnant at 8 months along. My mom's co-workers daughter went in to the ER for what she thought was severe constipation... They got her up on the table and she was crowning!) Anyway, I digress... The fact of the matter is, if you want to be pregnant, you will find these stories and you will CLING to them, anything to give you a small amount of hope.

I mean, even if you read the pregnancy test box... Yes, on the front of the box it says in BIG letters: TEST 5 DAYS SOONER! OVER 99% ACCURATE!

Which is misleading. You CAN test 5 days sooner, and SOMETIMES you'll get an accurate response. However, if you read the tiny print on the instructions? You'll find out how much your chances go down. IF you use the test correctly and IF your body is producing enough of the pregnancy hormone, it CAN be 99% accurate. The stars have to allign. It's not fool proof.

So anyway, basically I convinced myself that I needed this brand of test that my friend took that got her her positive. But, my husband (who thinks I'm an idiot, by the way) put his foot down. I had a pregnancy test in the house, he was NOT running out to get more just because Amy said I needed this brand.

So. I decided that I needed to use this last pregnancy test in order to convince him to go out and get more. (And I know, pregnancy tests are expensive, and Jer did just lose his job. But it's covered under our FSA right now. So don't think I'm blowing all this money on tests!)

Just like with my son's test, I was about to throw it away when I saw the line appear. It was faint, so faint I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Both my husband and sister saw the second line.

I'm pregnant.

It's still hard for me to admit that. I thought I would be screaming it from the rooftops, but I'm not. I'm so nervous it's not even funny.

For one, for a line to be that faint? It's gotta be EARLY in the pregnancy. And depending on what website you look at (technology is the devil, I swear) they have anywhere from 30-70% of early pregnancies ending, often times before you even realize you're late.

I realize now is not the best time for a baby. Now is probably one of the worst times it can happen. And I do kind of have to smile about it. My husband and I have been sorta trying for awhile to get pregnant, and of course, now when he loses his job and his insurance is when it happens.

Do I wish it were a better time? Kind of. I mean I wish I would have gotten pregnant months ago. But, I'd rather take now than never. But am I worried? Sure I am. I'm a Mom, that's pretty much what we do.

SO I guess... I dunno. I guess I say hesitantly to you guys that I am pregnant! And I guess I go about being excited about it until there's a reason not to be. And I guess I just hope and pray that this pregnancy sticks and Jeremy finds a job and it works out like it should. But then I feel like maybe I'm asking for too much?

I want you guys to know, I'm so grateful for what I have. It's not much, and some days I DO forget all I have, I DO wish for more, I DO get jealous... But all in all, I know I'm so lucky. I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much, and who does his best to give me whatever it is that I want. I have a BEAUTIFUL healthy son, I may be blessed enough to have another child on the way... My family is amazing, and I know even if Jeremy can't find another job, they will bend over backwards to do whatever it takes to help us out... And I have this blog. It sounds so stupid, but you guys are amazing. You give me amazing compliments, you listen to me ramble on, and... I dunno.

I don't know what's going to happen with the blog. My hope is to keep it running but between looking for a job, and possibly being pregnant... I dunno. But if you guys are willing to hang in there and see where this all takes me... Well, I'm willing to share the ride with you.

Drew's POV:

I nearly bolted when I saw her walk down the stairs with him. I hadn’t really seen her since our last argument. Sure, she had been at the house from time to time, but it was a big house, and whenever one of us would enter the room, the other would leave it. Even though I wanted to leave, I had no reason too… And she was blocking my path anyway. To get out, I would have to go through her.

I wasn’t planning on talking to her. I figured I could sit quietly and nobody would notice really. But then I saw how she and Seth were acting around each other… I saw how she looked at him. I had seen that look before, Ella used to look at Jason like that… And, I remembered sadly, she used to look at me like that too. For the most part I viewed Ella with contempt, someone who made my life more stressful and painful than it needed to be, but still relatively easy to ignore. But now… Now I was angry. How could she move on like that? Why did she hold on to Jason for so long, and then just throw me away like I was trash?

The answer became clear to me: because Jason was a dick to her. Everyone knew that nice guys finished last, and here I was, living proof of that. It made me want to be confrontational with Ella, it made me want to hurt her. Maybe that would finally make her love me back, but even if it didn’t… Well, it would feel good to get even.

I realized how stupid that sounded, and shook my head to get those thoughts out. Lately I was so quick to get angry, and I had to work really hard to keep my anger in check. I did tell Ella to move on. And I was with Christi, so obviously it looked like I had moved on too. This shit with my Mom was really getting to me. I wouldn’t let myself really go off on her like I wanted too, to tell her exactly what I thought of this whole marriage thing, but that left all this unresolved anger. Then I ended up feeling guilty for being angry at my Mom. She just wanted to be happy, why was that such a bad thing? But then I got angry again… Who was she, making me feel sorry for her? She could have been happy with me. She didn’t want to fight for me.

It sounded a lot like the way I felt about Ella… Sure, I told her to move on, but she didn’t try to stop me. She could have been happy with me…

I never really knew anymore if it was my Mom I was angry at, or Ella, or a little bit of both. I couldn’t be sure that I wasn’t transferring feelings from one to the other. I was so confused, so fucked up… And the only one I wanted to talk too was Ella.

I heard the group talking about a week away at the place Drew and Ella just came back from, and I watched Ella grow uncomfortable at the thought of spending a week with me. This caused my thoughts to cloud and the anger to move back in again. Why was it so horrible to be in the same house with me? We used to be best friends, and now she couldn’t even stand to look at me? What was up with that?

So even though I didn’t really want to spend a week with her either, I busted every excuse she had. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was angry, and I got a strange feeling of satisfaction. She had no excuses. We would be forced to spend time together.

They started making plans for when and for how long, and the guilt sunk in all over again. It was a cycle, it just went round and round and never ended. Guilt, anger, regret, guilt, anger, regret. I really wanted to stop, but I had no idea how.

Christi and I left shortly after, and went back to her place. I was clearly distracted, but Christi was so busy going on and on about how excited she was to spend the week away with me, she didn’t notice.

The thing about Christi is when we were alone, I really believed I could easily fall in love with her. She had a lot of the same values that Ella did, but she was also her own person. She was more independent than Ella, she needed more space than Ella did, and she was way more aggressive than I had ever seen Ella be. She was actually the one to kiss me outside of the club that night, and she pretty quickly initiated sex as well.

Though, honestly, sex with Christi was mind blowing, and always made me forget about anything but Christi. She had a smoking hot body, and she was not afraid to tell you what she wanted, which usually bordered on the kinky side. She liked it fast, hard, and rough. Hair pulling, spanking, and a little name calling. Ella had been my first, but Christi was a great teacher, and honestly, she blew that one time with Ella out of the water. I always found after sex with Christi, my anger dissipated a little. So it never failed that when I was feeling angry, I tried to get into Christi’s pants.

She usually let me. Today was no exception, and as she blabbed on and on about the weekend away, I walked up behind her, grabbing her hips and pulling her to me. I knew she could feel me against her back, but she ignored it, and didn’t stop talking. I went for the back of her neck, which I knew was her spot, kissing it so it was moist, and then blowing on it. I felt her shiver, and even though she didn’t stop talking, she did start grinding her butt against me.

“You’re so fucking hot.” I said, low in her ear. I knew this was another spot of hers, and as I talked, I kissed and nibbled on the outside. “Look what you do to me…” I pressed my dick against her.

“Well..” She said, breathless as I ran my hands up the front of her body. “I guess we’ll just have to take care of that…”

I needed that. I needed to be wrapped up in Christi and not to be thinking of anyone or anything else. Nick’s words from earlier in the weekend disappeared, Ella’s face when she looked at Seth no longer existed. I didn’t think about my Mom or what her upcoming wedding meant, it was all about Christi, her body, her moans, the feelings she made run through my body. I worked hard at returning the favor, and the louder her moans got, the harder I got, the closer to release I got.

I was back to the place where I could very easily see myself falling in love with her. I liked that place.

After we were finished, I was all ready to cuddle down for a little bit. But Christi was already up, pulling on clothes.

“Hey, let me ask you something…” I said, tucking my arms behind my head and making no move to get up. I liked laying in the afterglow… I always felt the most calm and at peace after.

“Yes?” Christi said, pulling on her bra and walking to her vanity. She studied herself in the mirror, pulling her curly hair back into a pony tail.

“Do you like me?”

She looked over her shoulder, laughing. “You think I do that kind of stuff with guys I don’t like?”

“Well, I don’t know you that well…” I said, smirking. She shot me a playfully dirty look. “I just meant that… Well, I mean, like now. We’re done. Most girls want to cuddle, and you’re up and getting ready for the next thing. If it’s independence, I’m fine with it. But I don’t want to fall for you if you’re not feeling it too.”

Christi set down her brush and came back and sat beside me on the bed.

“My parents divorced when I was young… I watched my Mom fall apart. So. I guess I’m you’re clichéd ‘don’t depend on a guy because my daddy disappointed me’ type of girl. But I like you. Trust me, I do.” She laid back down, resting her head on my shoulder.

“My parents are divorcing.” I said, quietly.

“Really?” She asked, glancing over at me. “I don’t know what’s harder… Having your parents be married for so long only to call it quits, or having to go through it when you’re little…”

I shrugged. “I think it’s one of those things where one isn’t harder than the other, they’re just… Different. I mean my parent’s split was pretty calm. It’s not like they argued a lot or fought a lot, and I haven’t been put in the middle…”

“Still doesn’t make it any easier. It’s like your foundations being shaken. Your whole life things are one way, and then all of a sudden… Everything has changed. Did they give you a reason why they’re splitting?” She asked.

I shrugged, not sure I wanted to get into it with her. But, then I remembered how I felt a few moments ago. Maybe the reason I hadn’t felt exactly the same with Christi as I did with Ella was because Christi didn’t know me like Ella.

So I dived into the story, talking about the car crash and how my Mother reacted after the twins died. I lead up to the whole random wake up call where she decided that to be happy she had to leave us behind, and the wedding, and all that jazz. The more I unloaded on Christi, the lighter I felt, the clearer my head became.

“Oh Drew, I’m so sorry. You should have told me.” Christi said, rolling over to hug me.

“To be honest I just don’t like to talk about it. I don’t want to deal with it. And then there’s this stuff going on with Ella…”

“What’s going on with you and Ella?” Christi asked, looking surprised. I, in turn, was surprised by her surprise. She hadn’t noticed the extreme tension between us? But then again, we rarely saw each other anymore.

“She and I are just fighting.” I said with a shrug.

“About what?”

I didn’t know what to tell her. To be honest, I didn’t really know what we were fighting about.

“I dunno. She just thinks I’m being a dick lately.”

“Are you being a dick?” Christi prodded.

I shrugged again. “I don’t know. I didn’t think so, but honestly with all this crap with my Mom… Well I’ve just been so pissed off about it. I might have taken it out on her.”

“Do you think… I dunno. That maybe she’s jealous? Of me? I mean you two were best friends, and I know that when Seth first started dating… It was hard on me. You did say she was your first real relationship.”

“I don’t think she’s jealous. I mean she looks really happy with Seth.” I didn’t look at Christi. Didn’t want her to look into my eyes and see that I was the one who was jealous.

“She does look happy, doesn’t she?” Christi said, laying her head back down on my chest. “You know, I used to hate all the girls Seth brought home. But she’s good for him, I can tell. And she handles his weird family situation well. Seth looks happy too. I bet they’ll be engaged before the year is over.”

“Really?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. “What makes you say that?”

Christi shrugged. “I know how badly Seth wants to get married, which I know is rare in a guy. He wouldn’t do it just to do it, but… If he meets the right girl, it’s not going to take him long.”

I sat there, holding her, trying to come to grips with this. Would Ella say yes? Would he really ask.

“Besides, I know he really wants Chloe to be there. And to be honest with you, I don’t know if she’s going to hold on much longer. I hope so, but…” She trailed off, quiet.

The weekend did fly by, as I expected it too. Seth was… Well, he was just amazing. Every day he had some fun filled romantic adventure planned for us. The next day, we spent the day riding horses all around his Grandpa’s property. He packed a picnic lunch and it was so nice just to be with him. That night, we had sex again, but this time… Well, it was even better than the last. We were able to take our time, and while I don’t want to get too much into it, can I just say that Seth knows how to push buttons I didn’t even know I had?

Saturday he took me out on the lake, to fish. We didn’t end up catching anything, but the opportunity to have sex on the water was just too much, so again, we did the deed. I had never enjoyed having sex with someone so much, and I didn’t think I would ever get my fill of Seth. I didn’t know what I would do once we were back home and not able to do this every day.

The last day we were there, Seth woke me up early.

“C’mon.” He whispered. “I want to show you something.”

I pulled myself out of the warm comfort of the bed, and out into the cold and still dark morning. He pushed me up onto a horse and climbed up behind me, and together we rode to a hill in the back of the farm.

“What are we doing here?” I said, sleepily.

“Shh…” He said, wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my shoulder. “Just watch.”

A little while later, I saw the most gorgeous sunrise I had ever seen. The colors seemed to stretch on for miles, and I was completely breathless. Afterwards, Seth once again pulled out another picnic, a breakfast, and we ate it ontop of the hill, listening to the world wake up.

“Why are you doing all this?” I blurted out as he was pouring us orange juice.

“Doing what?” He asked, looking confused.

“You’re being so nice to me…”

He set down the jug of juice and looked at me. “Because you deserve it. You’ve been so busy trying to do things for everyone else… Helping Toni out, helping your boss get ready for camp, bringing my family good food while we were stuck at the hospital with Chloe…. I just really appreciate it. I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You make me want to do nice things for you.”

I looked away, suddenly overcome with the urge to cry. All of my relationships had been a fight. While I really liked all the guys I had been with… There was always something. Even with Drew… And while Seth did have family issues, he did try hard to keep me in the loop. He seemed like he was fighting for me too, and that was honestly the first time I had ever experienced that in a relationship.

I was sad when we left, so sad that I actually did cry, much to my embarrassment.

“Hey now.” Seth said, wiping away my tears. “We can come back. I promise.”

“I know. I’m being stupid.” I said.

“No you’re not. I feel like crying too.” He said, and though he was smiling teasingly, I got the feeling that he was telling the truth. “It was a fantastic weekend, wasn’t it?” He added wistfully.

I nodded. Then blurted out “I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep without you.” I blushed, embarrassed. I didn’t mean to be that honest.

“Well. If you don’t mind, I supposed I could stay at your house again.”

“I don’t mind at all. I’ll even let you sleep in my bed this time.” I said laughing.

“OK then. I just need to stop by the house and pick up some stuff.”

The ride back was a lot quieter than the ride to the house. I ended up falling asleep, tired from the weekends activities and waking early this morning. Before I knew it, we were pulled up in front of his house, and he was shaking me awake.

“You wanna come in, or you want to wait out here?”

“I’ll come in, I haven’t seen your family in awhile.”

Through my visits at the hospital, I had gotten much closer to all of them, even Ian. He was still quiet around me, but at least greeted me with a smile and a hello. We also played hours of spades together, and though at first it unnerved me to play a game with someone in almost complete silence, I later appreciated Ian’s ability to sit in quiet. He didn’t feel the need to fill the air with mindless chatter, he was able to just be. I envied him for that.

I walked in the house and was greeted with a smile and a head nod from Ian and his father, who were engrossed in some sort of video game. His Mom was in the kitchen, and greeted me with a hug.

“Hey Ella!” She said. She was an older clone of Chloe, just as beautiful, but with laugh lines etched into face. “How did you like Grandpop’s house?”

“Oh my God, it was beautiful! Really just wanted I needed!” I gushed.

“I bet!” She said, jokingly raising her eyebrows up and down.

I know other girls might be uncomfortable with their boyfriends Mom’s making sexual jokes, but Lilly just did it in such a funny way… It was impossible to be uncomfortable around her. Still, I couldn’t help but blush at the thought of what went on this weekend.

“Alright Mom, that’s enough. I’m just here to grab a few things and then I’m going to stay with Ella for the night. Chloe here? I want to pop in and say hi.”

“Yeah, she’s downstairs. Christi’s here too, along with her new boyfriend. He’s cute!”

My stomach turned. Unless Christi had gotten a new boyfriend, that meant Drew was here. And more than that, it meant that they had had “the talk” and were now official.

“You wanna come down with me? Hang out for a second?” Seth asked.

I could have said no, but Seth’s Mom was looking at me in a way that I knew it would be really weird if I did say no.

I shrugged. “Sure. I’ve got time.”

I went down the stairs behind Seth, trying to plaster a smile on my face and act like I was happy to see them.

“Hey!” I said, coming into the basement hang out room. I tried to keep my eyes off Drew, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw his mouth drop open. He was surprised that I was here.

“Hey!” Chloe said, jumping up. She gave me a hug, and again I cringed at the feel of her frail bones. “How was your weekend? Don’t you just love Grandpop’s place? I wanted to go with y’all, but you know, alone time.” She said, wiggling her eyebrows just like her Mom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Drew cringe.

“Chloe quit it, you’re just like Mom.” Seth said, slipping his arm around me.

“We had a good time.” I said, smiling up at Seth. “You’re Grandpa’s place is gorgeous. I can’t wait to go back.”

“Man, I haven’t been to your Grandpop’s place in forever. We should go sometime. A group place. It’d be fun!” Christi said.

Before I could protest, Chloe clapped her hands.

“Oooh yeah! That would be a lot of fun! It could be a glad you’re better party for me! What do you think guys? Next weekend is out for me, but the weekend after?”

“I don’t think so…” I said, trying to search my mind for a valid excuse not to go. “I mean there’s work, and…”

“Oh c’mon Ella.” Chloe begged. “You just said you wanted to go back!”

“And didn’t you say you have a week off coming up? For spring break?” Seth added.

“Well yeah. But I was planning on doing some camp stuff… And then there’s Toni and the kids…”

“Nick’s coming back into town. His transfer went through.” Drew said, his tone even.

“They’ll still need someone to watch the kids while he’s at work.” I said, trying not to glare at Drew. I don’t know why he wanted to be stuck in the same house as me, but he wasn’t trying to get out of this either.

“Nope. His boss is allowing him to work at home for a bit. His position at his old job just got filled, so they need him to move on, but his transfer position isn’t open yet. So he’s staying home for a bit.”

“Oh…” I started, wracking my brain for another excuse.

“Sounds perfect!” Chloe yelled, clapping her hands together. “Can we do the whole week? I mean let’s get out the calendar and see what’s going on…” She said. And though she looked quite pale still, she was obviously happy. I couldn’t wreck that.

I could, however, stare Drew down just as hard as he was staring me down. I got a nasty feeling that before that week was up, he and I would be having it out yet again.