Oh boy (or girl?)

You probably weren't expecting this post. It has nothing really to do with the blog so much as just me rambling on. Most of you will probably skip this post, either because it doesn't interest you, or because by the time you check back for an update, there will be something else posted.

I'm pregnant. Or at least, I'm pretty sure I am. I haven't had the symptoms I had with my son... Which was mainly VERY sore breasts. This one I've just been sick to my stomach off and on, and then within the last couple days, I've been so tired (napping and then turning in early. Which, usually doesn't happen. I, like my son, am not a good sleeper. I'm actually on sleeping pills. If I nap, it's almost a promise that I won't be able to fall asleep at night, let alone go to bed early.) I took a test Monday, even though it was early, and got a faint positive line, but then all the rest I took were negative. I chalked it up to an error on the first test (from what I've read online, if you look at it too long after the "result time" a faint line can appear.)

I kept telling myself I may still be pregnant, it was still early to test. I kept waiting - I had one more pregnancy test left, and although I wanted to take it... Well, I didn't want to waste it. My period was two days late, and I was talking on facebook to my friend who is now 20-something weeks pregnant (the friend I was trying to get pregnant with) and she mentioned how her period was 2 weeks late, and she was still getting no's when she tested. She was using the same brand of tests I was using.

I begged my husband to go get me a different brand.

I know it sounds dumb. Why couldn't I just wait? Well... If you've been pregnant, you probably understand, especially if you've been wanting a baby SO badly. You want to pee on those sticks every five seconds until you get a for sure answer, which may never come.

And then everyone's got a story - The friend who never got the positive test result until x amount of weeks after her period, the friend who go the positive result and turned out not to be pregnant... The friend who has a friend who never found out she was pregnant until the baby arrived (I heard MANY of these stories when I was pregnant. My in-laws nurse kept gaining weight and was working out and working out trying to get rid of it. Found out she was pregnant at 8 months along. My mom's co-workers daughter went in to the ER for what she thought was severe constipation... They got her up on the table and she was crowning!) Anyway, I digress... The fact of the matter is, if you want to be pregnant, you will find these stories and you will CLING to them, anything to give you a small amount of hope.

I mean, even if you read the pregnancy test box... Yes, on the front of the box it says in BIG letters: TEST 5 DAYS SOONER! OVER 99% ACCURATE!

Which is misleading. You CAN test 5 days sooner, and SOMETIMES you'll get an accurate response. However, if you read the tiny print on the instructions? You'll find out how much your chances go down. IF you use the test correctly and IF your body is producing enough of the pregnancy hormone, it CAN be 99% accurate. The stars have to allign. It's not fool proof.

So anyway, basically I convinced myself that I needed this brand of test that my friend took that got her her positive. But, my husband (who thinks I'm an idiot, by the way) put his foot down. I had a pregnancy test in the house, he was NOT running out to get more just because Amy said I needed this brand.

So. I decided that I needed to use this last pregnancy test in order to convince him to go out and get more. (And I know, pregnancy tests are expensive, and Jer did just lose his job. But it's covered under our FSA right now. So don't think I'm blowing all this money on tests!)

Just like with my son's test, I was about to throw it away when I saw the line appear. It was faint, so faint I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Both my husband and sister saw the second line.

I'm pregnant.

It's still hard for me to admit that. I thought I would be screaming it from the rooftops, but I'm not. I'm so nervous it's not even funny.

For one, for a line to be that faint? It's gotta be EARLY in the pregnancy. And depending on what website you look at (technology is the devil, I swear) they have anywhere from 30-70% of early pregnancies ending, often times before you even realize you're late.

I realize now is not the best time for a baby. Now is probably one of the worst times it can happen. And I do kind of have to smile about it. My husband and I have been sorta trying for awhile to get pregnant, and of course, now when he loses his job and his insurance is when it happens.

Do I wish it were a better time? Kind of. I mean I wish I would have gotten pregnant months ago. But, I'd rather take now than never. But am I worried? Sure I am. I'm a Mom, that's pretty much what we do.

SO I guess... I dunno. I guess I say hesitantly to you guys that I am pregnant! And I guess I go about being excited about it until there's a reason not to be. And I guess I just hope and pray that this pregnancy sticks and Jeremy finds a job and it works out like it should. But then I feel like maybe I'm asking for too much?

I want you guys to know, I'm so grateful for what I have. It's not much, and some days I DO forget all I have, I DO wish for more, I DO get jealous... But all in all, I know I'm so lucky. I have a wonderful husband who loves me very much, and who does his best to give me whatever it is that I want. I have a BEAUTIFUL healthy son, I may be blessed enough to have another child on the way... My family is amazing, and I know even if Jeremy can't find another job, they will bend over backwards to do whatever it takes to help us out... And I have this blog. It sounds so stupid, but you guys are amazing. You give me amazing compliments, you listen to me ramble on, and... I dunno.

I don't know what's going to happen with the blog. My hope is to keep it running but between looking for a job, and possibly being pregnant... I dunno. But if you guys are willing to hang in there and see where this all takes me... Well, I'm willing to share the ride with you.