This will all make perfect sense... Someday

I started coughing uncontrollably. Jason looked at me, shocked, not knowing what to do.
“Ella, are you OK? Do you want some water?” He asked, waving the glass in front of my face. I knocked it out of his hand and shot him a look. By now, the entire restaurant was looking at us.
“Uh, I’ll get our check.” He squeaked, leaving the table to find the waitress.
I put my head in my hands. Why didn’t I just tell him not to come? Why didn’t I find an excuse – any excuse at all, to be busy and unavailable for a visit?
“Ready Ells?” Jason asked, setting his hand on my shoulder. I jerked it off. I was seething, and I didn’t want him to touch me.
I stormed off, and got into the car. This time I was driving, and I was half tempted to leave him here.
“Ella..” He started, getting into the car. He had lost the sheepish puppy dog look and had put on a stone mask in it’s place.
“Don’t.” I interjected.
“No. I don’t get it. I understand it’s a lot to ask, but what I don’t understand is why you’re so angry.”
I laughed. “What I don’t understand, is how you could even attempt to broach this subject with me of all people.”
“You’re my best friend Ella. I thought you’d understand.”
“All I understand is that you moved on in your life without me, and have no place for me in it except for when I can help you out.” I sped off, trying to keep my anger in check. I didn’t need to get into an accident or get a ticket right now. “Jesus Jason, you call once a month, if that, I see you a couple times a year, and then you pop up with something like this. I just don’t get how you can even call me your best friend anymore. You don’t know me at all, you don’t even know why I missed your wedding.”
“You were sick… I know that.”
“Yeah, sick. Jason. Right. Jesus, how self absorbed ARE you?” I asked, slamming my breaks to avoid running a red light.
“What do you mean?” He asked, his voice rising to match mine.
“I’m in LOVE with you, you idiot. Don’t ask me how, and certainly don’t ask me why. You’re such a self centered JACKASS.” I yelled, taking off as soon as the light switched to green. I reached forward and turned on the radio, turned it up. Jason reached forward to turn it down, or off, I’m not sure which, but I shot him a look and he shrunk back.
We got home in record time. I stopped the car in front of the house, not parking.
“Get out. Let the dogs outside.” I ordered.
“Where are you going?”
“Out.” I snapped.
“Ella you ALWAYS do this. You drop some bomb and you run away and shut me out.”
“YOU’VE been dropping bombs of your own Jason, and I need a second, a couple of seconds actually, away from you to get my head on straight. I can’t handle this right now and I can’t handle you. You need to get out of the car and leave me alone.”
“I’m still going to be here when you get back.” He said, exiting the car.
The door had barely shut before I took off again. My head pounded and my hands shook. I wanted to run away, drive until I got to Drew’s, but the puppies… Besides. Jason was right in a way. Our relationship wasn’t totally his fault. Yes, he ran away and shut me out, but I had done the same thing to him plenty of times. I drove to Antrim park, which was mercifully empty, and sat on the dock. There was only one thing to do. I picked up the phone and I called Drew.
“Hello?” He answered, groggy.
“Did you know why he was coming?” I snapped.
“Ella?” He mumbled. “What’s the matter?”
“I asked you a question, Drew. Did you know why he was coming?”
“Who?” He asked. I heard him take a deep breath in and yawn. “Jason?”
“Yeah, Jason. Who else?”
“No, Ell. I told you what he said. He didn’t tell me why he was coming.” He yawned again. “He’s there already? How’s seeing them together?”
“He’s not here with her. He’s here, alone. Because he has a question to ask me. And you know what that was?”
“If you’d be his lover?” Drew joked. I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but I wasn’t in the mood.
“Ohhhh.” I laughed, sarcastically. “In a ways of sorts. He wants me to have his baby.”
“What?” Drew snapped. I could tell he was wide awake now.
“Yup. Kayla can’t have any babies. And there’s rumors of another tour going on, and she wants to be pregnant before he leaves. Only she can’t have babies, so he wants me to carry their child.”
“That’s…” Drew trailed off, struggling for words.
“I know. I know what that is. It’s bullshit. How could he even ask me that Drew?”
Drew was quiet for a moment. “Well.” He sighed. “What’d you tell him?”
“I told him the truth Drew. That I was in love with him.”
“Why would you do that?” Drew asked, his words loud and shocked.
“Because he didn’t know Drew. Because I couldn’t believe he’d ask me something like that if he did know. Because really, what else was I supposed to tell him?”
“You could have just told him no?”
“And what would be my reason?”
“Uh, what WOULDN’T be your reason? That’s a big favor to ask of ANYONE, and I can think of a million and one reasons to say no that have nothing to do with being in love with someone.”
“Why are you so upset that I told him?”
Drew sighed deeply. “I just don’t think it needed to be said Ella. I mean you and Jason have been going back and forth for what feels like forever. And I’m sick of it. It’s over, done, and I just don’t think drudging up old things is good for you or for him.”
“It’s not like I was in love with him five years ago Drew. I’m in love with him now.” I didn’t understand why Drew was getting so worked up.
“And how did it help things, Ell? How does it help anything?”
“You know, Drew, since you’re so tired of hearing about my problems I just won’t bother you with them anymore.”
“No, El…” Was all I heard before I turned my phone off.

I didn’t stay at Antrim much longer. There was nothing I could do but go home. I was so tired and so exhausted, and I felt like I had been fighting Jason for so long. It all just needed to end today. I needed to put it to rest. Maybe we’d be friends, maybe it wouldn’t, but I couldn’t keep doing it forever.
When I got home, I heard the dogs yapping in the backyard, so I didn’t bother with the house. Just walked to the back gate. Jason was sitting at the picnic table.
“We need to talk.” He said.
“Thank you Captain Obvious.” I said, dropping my stuff down and sitting next to him.
“Don’t be a smartass, Ella. This is serious and I’m tired of all the smart ass answers.”
“I’m sorry Jason, I’m just. Tired too.”
“So. You’re in love with me?”
I blushed. “Yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious, Jay. I mean…”
“Since when?” Jason interrupted.
“What?” I asked, confused. “Since when has it been obvious?”
“No, Ella. You being in love with me. Since when?”
“Jason I’ve always been in love with you. I guess since practically the first day that I met you. I thought you knew.”
“I knew you did at some points. I just thought…” He trailed off and looked away.
“You thought what?” I prompted.
“I thought you stopped. I thought you were over me. Years ago. That’s why I started dating Kayla, actually.” His eyebrows were knotted together, and he was staring at his hands like an answer would appear in them.

I was quiet for a moment, unsure of what to say. Was he trying to tell me that had it not been for him thinking I was over him, that he never would have gotten with Kayla? That we would have been together? Or was him being with Kayla inevitable. Just something that would happen. All I knew is I was tired of guess work, and tired of wondering what if, and might have beens. Jason was with Kayla now. Why did it matter how he had gotten there?

“Why’d you think I was over you, anyway?” I asked, ready to drop the conversation.
“Drew told me. After you left from visiting in California the first time.”
“What?” I asked, confused. I had never told Drew I was over Jason.
“Yeah, after you left, I felt bad. I had been avoiding you, and you had come all this way… So I called you, to apologize. I had some leave coming up before we got sent to Iraq so, I wanted to make plans with you. But when I called you, Drew answered, and he told me that you had told him that you were over me.”
“Why would he do that?” I asked. I had come home from California, and Drew had come for a visit shortly after I was home. He had decided to look for an apartment in Ohio, with the baby on the way, he thought he could help. But I hadn’t even told him what happened with Jason. Just that it had been a long, frustrating weekend.
“What do you mean?”
“I never told him that. I was never over you Jason. Why would Drew do that?”