Drew and I spent the evening talking, kissing, and cuddling. When things started getting too heavy physically, we’d both pull back and take a break, talking, updating each other on our lives, and really getting to know each other all over again. If you had asked me before, I would have told you I knew Drew, inside and out. But, the thing I didn’t take into consideration is that people change, and Drew had changed. I had changed. At first, the thought of taking things slow seemed almost agonizing. We had none each other so long, how slow could we possibly take things? But I found I liked getting to re-know Drew. I liked the excitement and anticipation of things. I thought I liked him before – now I was downright giddy.
He did end up spending the night, but only because we both fell asleep on the couch talking. I woke up the next day to the sound of the door opening and closing. Even in my groggy state, I knew it would be Matt, and I knew this had the potential of being very awkward. I untangled myself from Drew carefully and padded out to meet him.
I was surprised by what I saw. Wherever Matt had been, he had very clearly had a rough night.
“Hi.” I said, unsure of how to proceed.
“Ella, I can’t right now, OK?”
“Can’t what?” I asked, confused.
“I can’t pretend like I’m OK with all of this. I meant what I said about wanting to work through it so we can stay friends, but I guess I’m just having a weak moment right now, and I want to go to bed. I’m sorry.”
“Oh..” Was all I got out before he brushed past me and went into his bedroom.
“What was that about?” Drew asked, coming up behind me.
I shrugged. “Rough night, I guess.”
I knew by the look on Drew’s face that he knew what was going on, but he didn’t say anything.
“What’s on the agenda today?” He asked, heading for the kitchen.
“I really need to go visit my parents, and I should stop by and see Toni and the kids.” I almost added that I should also spend time with Matt, but I didn’t know if I should or not. I knew things would be a little awkward for a while, and I was willing to push through it, but I also thought I should probably leave the ball in his court. I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t care, but I also knew this was a lot harder for him than for me, and I didn’t want to be insensitive.
“Well, I’m going to head home then. Maybe I’ll see you at Toni’s?”
“Yeah…” I trailed off. This was hard. I wanted to spend more time with Drew, and I knew I only had a few more days left before I had to go back to Colorado, but I also didn’t want it to become all about Drew before I left. Not only would that make going back harder, but I just didn’t want to become that consumed again. But, I also didn’t know how to broach it with him without it sounding like I didn’t want to spend time with him, I did, I just…
“Alright, well. See you later.” He said, kissing my forehead and moving out the door.
I went upstairs and showered and dressed, realizing that my Mom was probably going to chew me out for waiting for so long to come to see her. I almost hoped she wasn’t home, that it’d be just my Dad.
As I pulled up to their house, I cursed my luck. Not only was my Mom home, but my Dad wasn’t, which meant I could either come back later, or just suck it up and get it over with. But, I hadn’t told Toni I would be over until later, and I didn’t want to just waste time when I had so little of it. Plus, I sounded like a big baby hiding from my Mom. It wasn’t that she was horribly mean or anything. We didn’t really fight, but it was just… Awkward.
I pulled in the driveway and got out, heading for the door. I knocked and tried the knob. It was open, so I went on inside, and was greeted by my parents too old dogs. I bent down for kisses and belly rubs.
“Greeting the dogs before you greet your old mom, huh?”
“Hi Mom.” I said, standing to give her a hug. I knew she was joking, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.
“I didn’t know if we’d see you or not this weekend. Your Dad said Drew was going to pick you up.”
“He did. Where is Dad?”
“He ran to the store. I’ll give him a call and let him know you’re here.”
“No big deal. I was planning on hanging out for a while. I mean, if that’s OK.”
“Oh. OK.” She answered. “I was just in the kitchen, making cupcakes. Come on back.”
My Mom was pretty much Martha Stewart. She cooked, she baked, she decorated and sewed. She was home every day after school and on paper was the world’s best Mom. But she was always just a little bit detached. It always came across to me that she was more worried about the overall appearance rather than the actual details. She presented a pretty picture, but if you were to open the closet, a lot of crap would come falling out.
She fussed around for a few moments, getting me a drink, asking if I wanted a snack, getting me some cookies even though I said no. Then she turned and went back to her work. I expected her to say something – ask how Colorado was, how Drew was, but no. Silence.
“So, uh. What are you making cupcakes for?” I asked after I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Nancy next door asked if I could make them for her daughter to take to the bake sale. She’s swamped with work, I guess. She tried to pay me for them, but you know me. I love baking, and I can’t do it too much anymore since there’s nobody but me and your Dad to eat.”
Again, she probably didn’t mean it as a dig, but it felt like one. I wasn’t home to eat her things anymore, so I was the one stopping her from doing what she enjoyed.
“Well. Colorado’s been fun.” I said, even though she hadn’t asked. “I’m glad to be home, but I’m looking forward to getting back to the girls.”
“Oh? How much longer do you have?”
“I go back for six weeks and I get a week off. Then I have five more weeks and I’m home for good.”
“Oh good. Not too much longer.”
She said it as though I didn’t enjoy being there, or as if I shouldn’t enjoy being there.
“Yeah, not too much longer. I’ll miss it, though.” I expected that to be the end of our conversation, and was prepared to wait in silence for my Dad to come home, but my Mom surprised me.
“So your Dad said Drew came and got you? You two not fighting anymore?”
I hadn’t told her we had been fighting, so my Father must have said something to her.
“Yeah, we worked it out.”
“That’s good. Drew’s been a good friend to you.”
“He has. We’re more than friends though.” I said, treading carefully. I remember being in this same spot the last time I dropped this news. She hadn’t handled it well then, and I didn’t know how she’d take it now.
“What do you mean?” She asked. She had been in the middle of decorating a cooled cupcake, the icing bag poised above, a drip of icing threating to fall from the tip.
“We’re trying again. He’s my boyfriend.” I said, stumbling over the words.
“I see.” She answered, and she dropped her gaze back to the cupcake. “Are you sure that’s such a good idea? Last time it didn’t end so well, now did it?”
“Last time was a mistake.” I felt myself getting defensive.
“I know, honey. No one is blaming you. I just mean how do you know the same thing won’t happen again? You two were so rocky afterwards. Drew’s a good friend to you, are you sure you want to risk that?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that, and I wasn’t entirely sure where all this was coming from. My Mom always seemed to love Drew, you would think that would mean she wanted us to end up together.
“I don’t really know what to say to that, Mom. We’re together, it’s what I want.”
She sighed and wiped her hands on her apron. “Sometimes Ella, what you want may not be what you need. Or it may not be good for you. Sometimes, you don’t always get what you want.”
Now I was pissed off and confused. I was about to ask her what she meant when my Dad walked in.
“Ella!” He called. “It’s about time you came to see your old man!” He walked in the kitchen and must have seen the look on my face. He glanced at me, glanced at my Mother, and then pulled me to my feet.
“C’mon, let me show you my newest property I’ve bought!”
Good old Dad. He knew I didn’t give two shits about his property, but he’d been saving me from my mother for years.
