Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you

Much to the annoyance of the people behind me, I stopped in my tracks. I got bumped from behind, but still didn’t move, and barely heard the grumbles of complaints behind me. I didn’t know what to do, I was rooted to the spots. Part of me was really excited, he had come for me. But part of me, probably the practical part, still had doubts. Maybe it was all a coincidence, maybe he was here to pick up someone else – his Mom, or his girlfriend. I hated told anyone I would be coming in, and I don’t know how he would have found out. My parents were the only ones who knew, and I highly doubted Drew had randomly called them.

Still, I could see from the look on his face that he was searching for someone, and in slow motion it seemed, I watched him find me. From the look on his face, it was clear. He was nervous to see me, but not surprised. How he came to find out I was here, I don’t know. But he was here for me.

I watched him make his way over to me. I wasn’t sure what to do. An irrational part of me was actually angry – who was he to just ambush me like this? I looked terrible, I was tired, and I was totally unprepared. But another, calmer part of me realized that when I had left for Colorado, this had been what I wanted. For Drew to show up and…. And do what? I had no idea what I wanted. I also had no idea what he wanted.

“Hi.” He said. He looked good. Tired, but good.

“Hi.” I answered. Then I cleared my throat. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I asked, confused.

“For everything?” He said, smiling a goofy half smile and running a hand through his hair. “More specifically though for just randomly popping up here, now.”

“Well. I don’t know yet if I’m happy about it. Why are you here? How did you even know I was coming?” I tried to keep my tone even, but I realized it came out with a little bit of an accusing edge. I couldn’t help it, I was tired of being in limbo with Drew – I wanted answers.

“Why don’t we go somewhere and talk? We’re kind of holding up traffic here.”

“Fine, but it needs to be someplace here, and it can’t be too long. Cue is waiting in a kennel somewhere, and he’ll probably be waking up soon.”

Drew led me to a nearly empty restaurant that wasn’t too far from the gate. I wondered if he had already decided on that even before I got here. I suddenly feared that he had bad news to tell me – maybe he was engaged. Maybe he figured I’d freak out less if we were in public.

We ordered drinks, and I also put in an order for an appetizer. I wasn’t really that hungry, but I felt fidgety, and I wanted something to do with my hands. After our drinks had been delivered, Drew cleared his throat.

“I am sorry, for everything. I’ve been thinking a lot about how things went down, and… It was the wrong way for them to happen.” He looked away from me, peering out into the terminal and staring at the people walking by.

“I wasn’t always right either, Drewbie.” I said, my voice softer than I had expected it to be.

“I know. But the ending… That was entirely me.”

I waited, to see if he was going to elaborate, but the waitress interrupted, setting down the appetizer in front of us. Drew reached forward, and chewed on a bite thoughtfully, and I cursed myself for ordering them at all.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was waiting for Drew to say something, hoping I didn’t need to pry, but it was clear that he was concentrating on eating now – because of nerves, or hunger, or just because he was done saying what he had to say, I didn’t know. But, I knew I still had questions that I wanted answered.

“What happened to your girlfriend? Does she know you’re here?”

Drew stopped chewing and eyed me carefully. I watched him swallow.

“We broke up.” He said.

“Who dumped who?” I asked. It was none of my business, and hadn’t been a question on my list, but I found myself curious.

“I guess, technically she dumped me. But, it was kind of a mutual thing. She wanted something, and I wouldn’t give it to her. I knew if I didn’t, she’d be gone. It wasn’t enough to make me give in.”

I wanted to ask what it was that she wanted, but knew it wasn’t my place. “That’s how it was with Seth. I cared about him, so much that I think I would have actually married him. But, when he asked me to move away… I just couldn’t. I realized that meant I probably didn’t love him enough, so…”

“Do you miss him?” Drew asked. That question surprised me, and at first, all I could do was shrug.

“Sometimes. He was a good guy, and like I said, I did care about him. But it’s not like it was with Jason, or with you. I’m sad we’re not really close anymore, but not sad it ended.” I took another bite and then said “why did you come, Drew?”

He didn’t look away from me, as I half expected him too. He stared right at me for a few moments, and then began to speak.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to answer that question. I knew you would ask. I’ve been trying to figure out how to answer everything – why I did what I did, why I shut you out. I can’t really explain it. I wanted you for so long, Ella. Since we were kids. For you, it was always about Jason, and for me, it was always about you. I spent so long telling myself to get over you, that you were always going to be in love with Jason, that when I finally had you, I just couldn’t stop thinking that way. When I heard you slept with Jason… That’s all I could think about. You were always going to be his. I knew I could have stuck around, but in my mind, you were going to go back to him, it was just a matter of time, and either I could end things now and move on, or it would end later. I figured later would just hurt more.” He looked down at his hands now. “But, it did still hurt. A lot more than I thought and I think… I just had to shut myself off for a while.”

I didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I understood all of what he said, knew where he was coming from, and believed it all, but… I was still hurt. I was still angry. I was still upset that things happened the way that they did. He couldn’t turn back time, and neither could I so… What now? And even though he explained why he had done what he had done, he still didn’t explain why he came.

“I get it. But, why did you come now? What do you want from me? And how did you even know I’d be here?”

“Your Dad came by to check on some stuff at the house for Matt. He told Matt. Matt told me. Matt actually yelled at me.” He said, smirking at the last part.

I couldn’t be mad at my Dad. I never told him not to tell anyone I was coming in, I just figured he wouldn’t talk to anyone. I also couldn’t be mad at Matt, but I was confused as to why he would tell Drew, and why he would yell at him.

“He yelled at you?” I asked.

“He told me I was an idiot. That I was going to lose you and if I kept being so slow by the time I realized it, it was going to be too late.”

I was stunned for a second, that Matt would do that – encourage Drew to come after me when I knew he wanted me, but then I realized what Drew was saying.

“What does that mean, exactly?” I asked. Nerves jumbled in the pit of my stomach.

“To be honest, I don’t know. I think we took it way too fast last time – we’ve known each other forever so I realize that’s easy to do but…” He trailed off. He looked really nervous. “I guess, I was just wondering, if maybe we could, you know, start over?”

I nodded. “Sure, that’s fine.”

We walked and got my bags and Cumulus, and walked out to load them up into Drew’s car. We drove home in silence, each of us lost in thought. I didn’t expect this at all, and it was going to take some time to really let it sit in. When I looked up, I saw Drew had taken me to my house, not to my parents, so I guess that solved one decision to make. I was a little nervous about seeing Matt, but I was also a little grateful.

“One last thing, El.” Drew said as he dropped my bags on the porch. I had already let Cumulus out of his crate and he was happily peeing on everything in the front yard.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“If you’re free tonight, I’d really love to see you. Around eight?”

“Sure. See you then, Drew.” I said, unable to hide the smile.