Things will be hard at times, but I've learned to try

Jacob’s hands slipped up my shirt, not going much higher than my waist, but still. His bare hands were a little rough, and a little cool, sending all sorts of tingles up and down my spine. He would grip my waist tightly, then rub slightly, pulling me towards him. I couldn’t help but grind my hips against him, which caused him to groan slightly. I’m not exactly sure how long we stood there, kissing, but someone walked by and started clapping, and Jacob pulled back, breathing hard. He leaned his forehead up against mine.

“I want you, but not like this.” He said, touching my face. “You’re amazing, and I want everything to be amazing. It was just hard. I feel like we’ve never been alone.”

I nodded. “I feel the same way.” I whispered, not trusting my own voice.

He ran his hands up and down my sides a few times, and then pulled away, opening my door and helping me inside. He stood outside his own door for a few, I assume trying to calm himself down, and then climbed in.

We went to the hospital, where we were taken care of relatively quickly, especially considering it was an ER. I felt a lot more confident in my cast. Yeah, it was heavier, and bulkier, but I felt a lot safer about it getting hit or bumped with the added protection. Jacob didn’t have to slow much for me, though I did wish I could hold his hand as we were walking. He turned to me.

“You know, they won’t be expecting us back for a little while longer… I kinda wanted to take you on a date…” He trailed off, looking at me like I was going to turn him down.

I smiled at him. “I don’t want to keep you away from your family and friends.”

“I know. But, just. Ice cream?” He offered.

Again, so cute. “Yeah, I think that would be OK.”


We went to a cute little ice cream parlor. Jacob made me sit down. He relayed the flavors to me from the counter, and placed my order, carrying both ice creams back to me.

“So.” I said, taking a lick. “Michelle’s pretty friendly.”

Jacob smiled wide, and blushed slightly, which brought out his dimples.

“Yeah, she’s always been pretty affectionate.

“Anything there between you too?” I asked, braving a look at him.

“Me and Shell? No. I mean, she had a crush on me way back in grade school, but nothing ever came of it.” He shrugged. “She’s just, Michelle, ya know? She’s like my sister.”

“So….” I started again. “Michelle’s your sister… What am I?”

He looked down and smiled again. “My girlfriend?” It was more of a question than an answer.

“Oh.” It was my turn to blush now. “When did this happen?” I teased.

“I like you Ella. I wanted to take things slow, but I just feel like after waiting so long and being away from you for so long… I just can’t.”

His honesty quieted me.


We talked a little more about various things, and I told him I wanted to be dropped off at Nick and Toni’s so he could spend some time with his Mom. He tried to argue with me a little, but I think he did agree that he needed some alone time with her. He walked me to their door and left me with a lingering kiss. I stood at their door, watching him drive away, and wondering exactly what was going to happen tonight. Finally, I turned and entered Nick and Toni’s house.

Nick and Toni had gotten married earlier in the year when Jason and Jacob were in Iraq. They had talked about postponing until they got home, Nick really wanted Jason to be there, but then Toni’s Dad got sick. They didn’t think he was going to make it, so a small wedding was thrown together in about two weeks time frame. Though the wedding was small, but beautiful, and on the favors Toni had pinned yellow ribbons to have everyone wear. In a way, it was like Jason and Jacob were there.

After the wedding, there was, unfortunately, a funeral. Toni’s Dad died. She handled it pretty well, considering, and with the inheritance he left her, Toni and Nick were able to buy a small house on a nice piece of land. Their plan was to stay here and add on, and to eventually be able to own their dream home. At first, I had worried about how fast they got together. It was a little hard to get to know Toni, she was very up front with her feelings, which could make her come off as being bitchy. But, I spent a lot of time helping her plan her wedding, and we had grown close. It was nice to add another female to the group, and it was nice to spend more time with Nick.

The house was small, the biggest room was the living room, which was painted in a warm tan color, with a big mirco-suede burnt orange sectional, and of course, Nick’s massive TV. They had stripped the carpet and found beautiful old hardwood floors. They were a few other over sized chairs, as well as large floor pillows in various sunset colors and earth tones thrown around the room. It was by far my favorite room in the house. The kitchen was the worst. It was the first room on the list to be redone. It was tiny, with ugly appliances that had to have been rejects from the eighties. There was a decent sized dining room that led out to a huge backyard, a basement that Nick planned on finishing to turn into a play room for future kids, a half bathroom downstairs, and three bedrooms upstairs, though one bedroom was so small, I’m not sure it could have been considered its own room.

“Hello?” I called. I had seen their cars in the driveway, so I knew they were home.

“Hey!” Nick called, coming out from the kitchen. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I know, I hope you don’t mind, I should have called.”

“No, no. It’s cool, I just thought you’d want to spend time with the new boy toy.”

I smiled. “No, I mean, I did. But, I thought I’d give him some time with his Mom. Where’s Toni?” I asked, looking around him to see if she was squeezed in the kitchen.

“She’s taking a nap.” He smiled that secret smile that he had used during lunch. “She’s been really tired lately.” He went back into the kitchen. “You hungry?”

“No, I just ate some ice cream, but I will take a drink.” I said, sitting down on the couch.

He walked back into the room and handed me a sprite. He sat on the other end of the couch, propping his leg up on the coffee table. I popped the sprite open, took a sip, and then set it down.


“So, how are things with the boy?” Nick asked, reaching for the remote to turn down the TV.

I shot him a big smile. “Good. I think. I mean it’s all happening so fast… I wonder if maybe it’s too fast?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” I paused, looking down at my nails. “We just went from zero to one hundred. I mean we connected when I was visiting Jason in California. But, you know, there was the baby… And then I felt like we connected when we went camping… But then he left. And now… I don’t know. I just feel like we’ve had a lot of stops and starts, and we were talking about taking things slow…”

“And you don’t think he is?” Nick asked. “Is he being inappropriate?”

I laughed. There was the big brother side, coming out.

“No, Nicky. He’s been good. He just said I was his girlfriend today. I like that.” I paused, smiled, thinking about the moment and how shy Jacob looked when he said that.

“Ella, if you’re happy, just let it be. You’ve had so much stress with Jason, just let this one go. He seems like a nice guy. I’m sure it seems like you guys haven’t spent a lot of time together, but you have spent a lot of time talking and stuff.”

“Yeah.” I sipped my sprite. “So, you gonna tell me what your big secret is?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, although his grin totally ruined the whole play-it-dumb act that he was trying to pull.

“I mean both you and Toni have had that cat that ate the canary look on your face all day. I know your happy that Jason’s home, but you’re not that happy. I know you Nick, what are you hiding?”

He glanced upstairs and then scooted over next to me on the couch.

“If I tell you, you can’t tell her I told, she’ll kill me.” He whispered.

“O-K.” I said slowly.

Nick jumped a mile when we heard the stair creak.

“Go ahead Nick, you can tell her.” Toni’s voice came down after the creak. “I shouldn’t have told you. You can’t keep a secret for nothing.” She said, walking into the room.

“She knew already!” He exclaimed defensively.

“She didn’t know. She guessed something was up and you cracked under the tiniest bit of questioning. I don’t know how we’re going to make it two more months without telling anybody.” Toni exclaimed.

“Two more months?” I started. “Oh my God, are you guys pregnant?”

Nick smiled widely, and Toni rolled her eyes, but I saw a small smile playing on her lips.

“How far along are you?” I asked, eyeing Toni’s stomach.

“We just found out, I haven’t made it to the doctor yet, but I had a positive pregnancy test. I would guess only a couple weeks. We’ve been trying.” Toni said.

“We wanted to wait, originally, until the house was done, or at least further along. But, with Toni’s Dad… I don’t know, it just felt like the time was right. We were hoping to be pregnant before he passed, but… It didn’t work out.”

“I think my Dad did it.” Toni said, smiling sadly. “I think it’s his gift to us.”

I couldn’t say anything to that. I know some people might roll their eyes, or think it was just cheesy, but Toni wasn’t sentimental like that. It was a little bit of a shocker to hear her talk like that.

“You can’t tell anyone Ella. I don’t want to jinx it at all. We want to try to make it three months but at least want to make it till I see the doctor and make sure everythings OK.” Toni said, her eyes serious.

“Don’t worry.” I said, “my lips, are sealed.”

As I've said before, both my in laws are really over-weight, but still have surprisingly few health problems. However, lately my Father in law has been having some breathing issues, so he went in for a stress test. We were expecting them to come back with COPD or sleep apnia (I know I spelled that wrong, I've had kind of a long day and don't really feel like using spell check.) Well, we just found out tonight that he has a blockage and will need surgery. We're not going to know what type of surgery until he has some other test run (I'm not good with the lingo, they're sticking something up through his groin to check something else out, any medical people here know what I'm talking about?)

So. Why am I telling you this? Well, for starters, I was hoping you guys could keep my Father in law in your thoughts/prayers/well wishes/whatever good thing you believe in. I love my Father in law very much, and I'm very worried about him.

Secondly, I'm not quite sure how fast this will all happen. I know when my Uncle needed his bypass (I think it was a double or a triple, I can't remember) they tested, he failed, they wouldn't let him leave at all, not even to go home to pack a bag. They needed to do the surgery then. I don't know how serious this is going to be. I don't know what's going to happen, how big of surgery he's going to need, what the recovery is going to be like, ect. Basically I told you guys in the beginning that I would let you know ASAP if I had a scheduling conflict. As of right now the schedule will continue as normal, but if I should skip a posting, please bear with me. I'll try to get news to you guys as soon as I get it.

Thanks guys.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

When I saw the email from Kayla, I froze. I still had orange juice in my mouth, and it sat there, un-swallowed. My hand sat frozen on the mouse, my eyes went un-blinked, and I didn’t breathe. I was like a deer caught in the headlights.

Finally, I blinked, and swallowed, and sat back in my chair, taking in a deep breath. I didn’t want to read it. I didn’t know why she was emailing me. It could be something surrogacy related. Jason could have said something to her about me. Jason could have blamed me. She could be going off on me in an email, blaming me for the wreck that was their marriage.

On the one hand, I don’t think it was my fault. I couldn’t help the way I felt about Jason, it was like it was engraved in me. But, I also hadn’t used that as an excuse to make a move on him. As much as I did care for him, he was a married man, and married men are off limits. I also couldn’t control how he felt. If he wanted to be with me, well. I don’t know. I also didn’t encourage that, and I had cut things off when he admitted it though.

But, on the other hand, I put myself in Kayla’s shoes. I would probably be blaming everyone, especially the girl my husband wanted to leave me for. And, I wasn’t quite sure what Jason had told her. Again, it could have been nothing. But, he could have also blamed me.

I knew one thing: I wasn’t dealing with this at work. I closed my email and went ahead and did rest of my paperwork. Then, I left my office and made the decision to avoid it and computers for the rest of the day.

Greg texted me asking if I wanted him to bring me lunch. I said yes, and he came and brought Rally’s, not exactly the healthiest thing, but it would definitely fall into the comfort food category, which I felt like I really needed.

I was moping and moody, I couldn’t help it. I was depressed that a great night had to be ruined by Jason, and I realized that this was a very real situation that I couldn’t just run and hide from. I was going to have to talk to Jason, and we were going to have to work it out.

I tried to slap on a happy face for Greg, but he saw right through it.

“So, you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” He asked, popping a fry into his mouth.

“What do you mean?” I asked, swallowing a bite of burger and washing it down with my pop.

“Well.” He said, then paused to take a drink. “You were great when you left me this morning, and now, you’re just kind of blah. Is it work? Is it me? I mean don’t say it’s nothing, because obviously that’s a lie.”

I smiled at him. “It’s not you, it’s just. A lot of things. My life is kind of a mess right now, and I have no idea how to go about fixing it.”

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.

“I dunno if you want to hear about it.” I started. He looked a little insulted at that remark, so I spoke up quickly, trying to correct myself.
“It’s not that I don’t think you don’t care. It’s just. A LOT of information. I don’t know if it’ll overwhelm you or not.”

“Try me.” He glanced at his watch. “I have about a half hour before I have to leave.”

“You get an awfully long lunch.” I commented, looking down at my own watch.

“Well, I’m close, and I don’t have a class after lunch. I’m still supposed to be back, it’s my planning period, but if I’m a few minutes late, no one’s going to know. Am I keeping you?”

“No. Today’s pretty clear. If anyone asks, I’ll say I’m trying to talk you into performing for the kids, this can be a working lunch.”

“Good deal. Now.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Spill.”


So spill I did. I went way back to the start of Jason and I, and while I skipped around a little, I didn’t leave out the hard things, or the important things. I told Greg about my miscarriage, about Kayla, how I felt when they got married, the surrogacy, and Jason’s recent confession. His eyes glassed over while I was talking, and I knew I was saying too much. But, it was like I uncorked the bottle, and I couldn’t get it back on. Everything just kept pouring out.

I talked for a good twenty minutes, the rest of my unfinished burger growing cold in front of me. Finally, things started to trickle to an end.

“I just, was really happy when I left you this morning. And now, I come in here, and I get this email from his wife. I don’t want to look at it, not while I’m at work, but I know it’s there, and I know I’m going to have to read it, I know I’m going to have to sort this out with Jason, and it’s just, all really jumbled.”

There was a good two minutes of solid silence after I stopped talking. It made me really nervous, and I couldn’t force myself to look at Greg. I wanted him to talk, to say anything, but I also knew it was a lot to process at once, so I felt like I should give him a minute to take it all in. Finally, he cleared his throat.

“That was… A lot. I’m sorry, but I think I should head back to work now. I am only a sub, and I do really like this job, so. I don’t want to get into trouble.”

I was shocked. I had told him it was a lot of information, and I knew it was, but he was the one who told me he could handle it. And now he was just slinking away? I knew arguing with him would just make it worse, so I just nodded. However, when he didn’t even come over to hug me goodbye, I knew it was over, and I suddenly just felt horrible.

I went up to Mama River’s office and told her I felt sick and thought I should go home. Then I found Matt.

“Hey, do you think you can drive me home?” I asked, interrupting his own lunch.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” He said, grabbing his sandwich and throwing away his trash.

“I’m just not feeling so good. This way you can keep my car and drive yourself home tonight.”

He looked me up and down, and nodded slowly. He told Betty he would be back after running me home, and gently took my arm to help me to the car. He walked me to the passengers side, opened the door, and gently shut the door behind me. He waited until we were driving down the street before he spoke.

“You going to tell me what’s really going on?” He asked.

“I don’t feel good. I already told you.” I said, looking away from him and out the window.

“You felt fine when I saw you this morning. You looked OK when I saw you before your lunch with Greg. A little tired, but you still looked fine. Then I see him leaving, and you come out looking white as a ghost. What did he do to you?”

“He didn’t do anything, Matt.” I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

“What did he do, Ella?” Matt repeated again. There was an edge in his voice that I wasn’t used to hearing, and even with his slight speech impediment, he sounded a little intimidating.

“He just asked me what was wrong with me, and I told him, and I think I ruined things.”

“What? What do you mean?” Matt asked, his eyebrows knotted in confusion.

I sighed, and for the second time that day, relayed the whole story. I started this time with Greg and I eating lunch, and including everything that had happened. We were parked in my driveway before I could finish. Matt, however, didn’t rush things, and he waited calmly for me to finish, watching me the whole time.

“So, then Greg just kind of left. He already said it was no big deal if he left late, but then he retracted and said he had to be back, and actually left early. And, I just think it was too much. Which is why I didn’t want to tell him in the first place, but he kept bugging me to, so… And now everything is just… Wrecked.”

I was wiping away tears as I spoke. I didn’t want to be crying, but I was just so sick of everything being so messed up, and all because of Jason.

Matt pulled me to him, into his arms, and hugged me tight. My face was pressed into his soft sweatshirt, and as I breathed in, I realized how good he smelled, and how good it felt to be here. We stayed like that for a moment, quietly hugging, before Matt spoke.

“Ella, if that’s all it takes to get rid of Greg, is he really worth it? Does that really sound like someone who will stick by you? Cause to me it seems like he’s the type of guy who’s going to run every time the road gets a little bumpy. Was that a lot of information? Yeah, it was. Was it hard to hear? It could have been. But, it’s also you, your history, and what you’re going through now. It’s important. I’m just happy you trusted me enough to share it with me.”

“I’m really glad I met you Matt. I mean you talk about what I’ve done for you, but I haven’t done much. You’ve become a really good friend, and I appreciate that.” I looked up at him, and he used his giant thumb to gently wipe away the last few tears.

“Right back at you.”

“Well…” I ventured. “Since we’re all about sharing right now… Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you and Kellie?” I knew it was dangerous territory, but I felt like right now might be my only time to ask.

He sighed, and his face got stony for a moment. I regretted asking the question and ruining the moment. The he cleared his throat.

“I don’t really know what’s going on. I think I’ll have a better idea once I see her this weekend. I know I’ve been a little distant and hard to deal with lately, but I promise, after this weekend when I’m sure of what’s going on, I’ll tell you all about it. Then you can help me sort out my mess.” He said, smiling.

I nodded. “Fair enough.”

“Look, I better get back to work. But, how about I grab dinner on the way home, and we watch a couple of movies and just bum around the house together? Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect.” I said, smiling back at him. “Just try to bust out early, OK?”

He laughed. “Yeah, I’ll try my best.” He answered.

I got out of the car, waving to him as he backed down the driveway. Things with Matt were confusing, but at least I knew where I stood. He had a girlfriend, and he was honoring that commitment. It made me respect him more. I turned and went to unlock the door, freezing in place when I realized that it was already unlocked. Then I remembered I hadn’t been home this morning, and Matt just must have forgotten to lock it. I walked in, calling for the dogs. The dogs were not what came out to greet me.

Whatever Wednesday, a little late

Hey guys-

Thanks for all the well wishes. I think it's just a cold, and I seem to be feeling better now. However, in the morning, I tend to feel really horrible (at least this morning I did, I didn't have a voice, for starters.) So, I'm not really sure if I'll have the post up first thing or not. To top it off, my son is acting... Weird, so I'm not sure if he's getting my cold and isn't feeling well or if he's just being a pain in the neck. SO, it will be up tomorrow, but it may not be up early as usual.

For everyone who was interested in the blog review blog, I'm working on it. We're going to have a crazy couple weekends coming up, but I started it a little this week. I want to make sure everyone who was interested in it emails me (NothingmorethanLaura@gmail.com) so I can send out a mass email and we can kinda brainstorm and decide which is the first blog we want to review.

Sorry about such the late posting time today guys. My son had a rough night last night, which meant a rough night for me. He finally went back down at 8:45 and then slept till 11, so I got him lunch and now here I am! I'm also getting a cold (I almost hate this getting stage more than I hate the actual cold. My throat is all gummy and kinda swollen and I feel very congested. I'm now disappointed too, because a friend of ours just had a baby, and we were planning on going to see him Thursday, only if I'm sick I can't go, so now that's a bummer. Also (and this may be TMI)but I got my period, so I'm crampy and disappointed that there's no baby. I may be skipping Whatever Wednesday tomorrow, it depends on what I wake up feeling like. I'm also wondering if the reason Cayden slept so crappy last night is because he's getting sick. Although he's acting alright right now. So, we'll see.

FB: I think we're alone now...

We left the airport in a caravan of sorts to head out to eat. I was starting to wish I hadn’t come, feeling a little out of place in the company of Michelle. Jason had his family and Kayla, Jacob had his family and Michelle, who wouldn’t let him out of her sight, and I was left feeling like I was butting in on someone’s private time. Not to mention, I was handicapped, so I was either left behind, or someone was hanging back for me, or I was in someone’s way. I just couldn’t move fast enough. I was feeling clumsy, and I really just wanted to disappear. I tried to join Nick and Toni in their car, but Jacob pulled me with him in his Mom’s car. Michelle also jumped in last minute, leaving her own car at the airport. My ankle jolted against the door as she jumped in, and I winced and groaned in pain. I had to blink back tears when I realized that everyone was too busy chattering to notice. I blamed it on sleep deprivation that I was being so sensitive. After all, Jason and Jacob had just come home, of course the attention should be focused on them, and not me. I had had two days of quality time before pretty much everyone else, of course they should be excited wanting to catch up with their other friends.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel a pit growing and gnawing at the inside of my stomach, and suddenly I felt closed in. The chatter was too loud, and never ending. I just wanted to get away from everyone. I started cracking my knuckles, and rolled down the window to try to get some air flow in. Luckily, before too long, we were pulling up to the restaurant.

I waited till everyone left the car, waving Jacob off as he paused on the curb (and yes, Michelle took a few more steps, and then paused for him.) I enjoyed the silence for a few moments, taking deep breaths in, trying to calm myself down. I don’t know if this is normal, but sometimes I just got into a mood where I just wanted to be alone. It hit randomly, and not often, but it took me off guard when it did come. I suddenly got very uncomfortable around people, feeling out of place, nervous, and insecure. I knew it would be unfair to the boys to withdraw and hide, and eventually their attention would become focused on me, and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how to fix it. I didn’t want that, I wanted everyone’s attention on them, so I decided to suck it up and plaster on a happy face.


I hobbled into the place, and was expecting to have a seat on the end, away from the crowd. I was surprised, happy, and a little disappointed to see that Jacob has saved me a seat front and center. As he waved me over, I squeezed past Michelle (who didn’t manage to snag a seat next to Jacob, and she didn’t look all too please with that,) and sat down next to him.

“What’s on the agenda for today, boys?” Sandy asked as the waiter passed our menus and took drink orders.

“Ella needs to go to the hospital, to get fitted for her cast.” Jacob said, sliding an arm around me.

“Oh. Yeah. But, that can wait till I get home.” I said, watching Michelle eye Jacob’s arm around me.

“No, Ella. Doctors orders, the swellings down and the faster you get it set, the faster and better it’ll heal.”

“Well, yeah. But, you know, your family and friends are here. Plus you guys are probably heading home soon? You should probably spend the day with them. I’ll be fine on my own.” I said, sipping the coke the waiter had sat down in front of me.

Jacob’s Mom watched me carefully, and I started to get nervous, I didn’t want to make her angry. I wanted Jacob to spend time with her, not me. I had already gotten two days with him, I didn’t need to be selfish.

“Jake.” She said, clearing her throat. “You go to the hospital with Ella. We got up so early this morning to meet your flight. I’m really tired. The Blanco’s are throwing you and Jason a welcome home party tonight, I think I’ll go back to the hotel and rest for a little bit, then when you guys are done, we can go for a swim. Ella you’ll have to sit that one out with your cast, but you can come down with us, OK?” She said, smiling at me.

I couldn’t help but smile back. Sandy seemed like the perfect mother figure, her tone was warm, but also firm. I could see that she was a nurturer, but also that she wouldn’t take any crap. She also looked at Jacob like he was her whole world, and I loved that. I know some girls are put off by a Momma’s boy, but I thought it could be a good sign, as long as boundaries were clear.

“No arguing.” She said, wagging a finger at me. Then she looked over at Michelle. “I can give you a ride back to the airport to pick up your car, when lunch is over.”

“Oh.” She said, caught off guard. “Well, if Ella and Jacob came with me, I could give them a ride to the hospital.”
She eyed Jacob. She didn’t seem like she was doing it to help me out.

“Nah. They can go with us to drop you off at your car and then Jacob can take my car. You can give me a ride to the hotel. I’m sure you want to get settled in, right?” Sandy gave Michelle a pointed look, and Michelle just nodded.

I felt relieved that I’d be getting a break for Michelle. I wanted to question Jacob about her, to see where she and I stood, and see if I had anything to be jealous of. I obviously couldn’t do this in front of her.

Talk was easy about that, and I felt less left out and self conscious. Michelle was also quieter, and I didn’t know if she was sulking, plotting, or both.

Michelle rubbed me the wrong way, but I also supposed I had it coming. I was a firm believer in fate and karma, and things happening for a reason. Maybe Michelle was my karma for the whole Kayla-Jason situation. Maybe Michelle was plopped her to help me see how much it sucks to have someone poaching on your new relationship all the time. Though, that was another thing I needed to ask Jacob. What were we now? Were we anything different from when he left? How would things work out, when he goes back to California?

I stopped paying attention to the conversation around me, and wound myself up in my thoughts. I sure knew how to pick guys, didn’t I? Would I ever be in a relationship that was just… Easy? Or at least, easier than this? Why did everything have to be so complicated, a puzzle to be solved, a problem to be worked out?

Jacob nudged me.

“What?” I asked, looking up.

“What are you going to eat?” He asked, pointing to the waiter, who was waiting to take my order.

We ate, talked a little more, and then we all piled into our separate cars to head in separate directions. I said goodbye to Jason, Drew, Toni, and Nick. I’d be staying at Toni’s and Nick’s, so I knew I’d see them in a few hours. I could also tell by the look on their faces, and the way they kept shooting secret smiles to one another that they had a secret. I was looking forward to going back to their house and trying to get them to spill the beans. I decided I’d skip swimming with Jacob, and go back and hang out with Toni and Nick. I hadn’t seen them in awhile either, and I figured Jacob needed some quality alone time with his Mom, even if it maybe met Michelle tagging along by herself.

We piled into Sandy’s car, with Sandy offering the front seat to Michelle, leaving Jacob and I alone in the back. He put his hand on my knee, tracing small circles through my jeans, running his hand slowly up and down my thigh. I’m not sure he was trying to be sexual, he didn’t look like he was, but he sure was succeeding at it. He looked over at me when I shivered.

“Cold?” He asked.

I didn’t really know what to do, so I nodded. He took his hand off my knee and wrapped his arm around me, rubbing my arm.

“You’ve got goosebumps.” He said, quietly, his lips close to mine.

I wanted so badly for him to kiss me, or to kiss him, but I didn’t think that would be appropriate with his Mom in the front seat. I felt like a frustrated teenager, going on her first date, who was unable to drive and had to have her parents chauffer us around. I nodded, bit my lip, and leaned my head against him. He kissed my forehead, and then leaned down to whisper in my ear.

“Just so you know, I’m dying to get you alone.” His voice was deep and quiet, and I could feel that his breath was a little ragged. It made my breathing become a little ragged.

I decided to pay him back for the knee-play, and rake my nails gently over the inside of his thigh.


I don’t know what had gotten into either of us, but I think we both felt an urgent and desperate need for each other. It came on quite suddenly. I was dizzy with the whirring emotions, I felt like this weekend I was going to experience every emotion there was, but right now I wasn’t minding it so much. It made me feel a little tipsy, and I liked it. I realized that Jacob and I hadn’t ever really been alone, and suddenly that’s all I wanted. I had a feeling that we’d probably end up sleeping together, and again, I worried that possibly we were moving too fast, but I didn’t think there was any stopping it. Seeing Michelle around Jacob had also made me desperate to not be like her, and part of me was wondering maybe if I slept with Jacob, it would erase Jason’s touch. He was the last guy I had slept with, and I hadn’t even slept with that many. Maybe if I had sex with Jacob, it would make it a little easier to let go and move on.


Jacob had placed his hand on the back of my neck and was rubbing it, squeezing a little hard when I hit a spot on his leg that he liked. I really wanted to straddle him right here and now, but I think maybe the frustration of not being able to do anything added to fire. Sandy and Michelle were carrying a steady conversation about what they were going to wear to the party, and how they needed to go to the Blanco’s early to help set up. Still, getting to the airport seemed to be taking a lot longer than it had when we were leaving it, and I was grateful that Michelle was giving Sandy a ride to the hotel so we wouldn’t have too. I did decide to stop rubbing Jacob’s leg so that he could hug his Mom goodbye without having anything to be embarrassed about or hide.

After what seemed like forever, we arrived at the airport. It seemed to take even longer to find Michelle’s car, and then we had to wait for Sandy to search for her cell phone, which she found eventually in her purse. Finally, they were both out of Sandy’s car, and into Michelle’s. Jacob was helping me into the front seat when they pulled away. The second they were out of sight, Jacob had my body pinned to the car, his hands in my hair, and his mouth on mine.

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

*please check out the post below!*


I threw myself into work that day, I needed a distraction and so I made sure to really tackle things. When the kids got there, I could have just given them some half assed assignment and vegged, I was certainly tired enough to do so. However, I knew if I wasn’t occupied, my mind would wander, to Jason, to what I should tell him, or anything, to Matt and what was going on with him and us, and if I would ever figure out what was happening with him and Kellie or if I even wanted to know.

So I pulled out a complicated art project. I knew it would probably make me late to meet Greg, with all the clean up that was required, but I also knew my kids would need help every step of the way, keeping me busy the whole time. I did notice that Matt stopped by the room on the way outside with his kids, pausing and watching me with a curious look on his face. Normally I would have gone out to joke with him, or even invited his kids to join mine, but with things the way they were I just left it alone. I turned my back to him to help one of the kids with a step, and when I turned back around he was gone.

After the kids left, I was left with the mess. They were supposed to help clean up, but if I kept them too late, they would miss the van to ride home, which meant that I would have to take them home. I also found that it was actually a lot less of a hassle to clean up by myself than to get “help” from the kids. This art project had required the use of some beads, which I normally tried to ban from my room. Glitter was one thing that we NEVER used (someone once told me that glitter was the herpes of the craft world, and they were right!) But beads made an appearance from time to time. They always went everywhere, and sweeping them up was near impossible, it just spread them around even more. I found the only way to really clean them up, was to get on my hands and knees, push them into a pile, and scoop them up by hand.

I was halfway under the table, on my hands and knees, when someone grabbed my from behind. I jumped, screamed and whacked my head on the underside of the table.
I heard a chuckle behind me. I was scared for a moment. I didn’t work in the best area, and while we tried to keep all the doors covered so we knew who came in and out, when the kids left it was a hectic time. Anyone could have slipped in off the street. I backed out carefully, trying to think of what would have been close by to use as a weapon.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Greg! What are you doing here? I thought we were going to meet at the restaurant?” I said, slightly irritated, but relieved it was just him. I rubbed my head, feeling a knot already popping up.

“I know, but you talk about this place like it’s heaven, I wanted to check it out for myself. My school is actually in the neighborhood, so… Is your head OK? I really didn’t mean to scare you.” He walked up to me, and I sat back on the table, he put his hands on my head and gently pulled it down to take a look.

“No blood, that’s good, but you do have a bump. You feel dizzy or anything?” He asked, rubbing my head carefully.

“No, I think I’ll live.” I said, smiling. It was always nice when someone was concerned.

He kissed my head and let my head go.

“How was your day?” He asked, placing his hands on either side of me. I put my hands on his side and pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tight.

“It’s been one of those days.” I said, holding on to him.

He rubbed my back. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s OK. It’ll get better. How was yours?”

“Good. I like this new gig. Drama class, it kinda fits.” He said, pulling back and taking my hand, pulling me down off the table. “You ready to blow this popsicle stand?”

I surveyed the room. I knew there were still beads on the floor, but for the most part, it looked OK. I may get yelled the next day for not thoroughly cleaning my room, but I really didn’t care anymore.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

We headed to Red Robin. It was a bit too loud for my tastes, but I did like people watching, spying on kids and families, and the food was always good.

Greg dominated the conversation, telling me about his new school and new class, and how the kids were actually giving him some new material for his act. He loved the fact that he was actually encouraged to perform for the kids as well. He said it was getting paid to practice. He seemed so excited about it, it brought my mood up, and I liked the fact that he didn’t expect me to talk much. What was I going to tell him? My best friend who was married and I had almost had a baby with recently admitted that he was still in love with me, and my roommate may or may not have feelings for me as well? That’s really all I had to talk about, and I knew it probably wouldn’t go over well.

We finished dinner, but I wasn’t quite ready to go home yet. Being with Greg was the first time in two days that I really felt like I could breathe, and I wasn’t ready to go suffocate in a tension filled house. I wanted to invite Greg back to see if he wanted to watch a movie at my house, I thought a little cuddling under a blanket would be nice, but I didn’t know if Matt was home yet, and I didn’t know how awkward it would be. I think Greg sensed my hesitation after the check came.

“You maybe want to go walk around Wal-mart? Kill some time?” He asked as the waitress brought back his card.

“Sure.”

I loved wandering Wal-mart aimlessly. You were always sure to find something random. I picked up a couple of things for my kids, as well as a new shirt for me. While digging through the five dollar DVD bin, we stumbled across the movie Batteries Not Included.

“Man, this movie is AWESOME!” Greg exclaimed.

“Totally one of my favorite movies of all time.” I agreed.

“Wanna come back and watch it at my place?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I laughed. “Why Mr. Dangers, I’m not that kinda girl.” I joked back.

“I know, but c’mon, this movie is awesome.” He said, wiggling the movie in front of my face.

“It’s late Greg…” I trailed off. I did want to go, really badly, but I wasn’t sure if I should.

“We’ll get some caramel apples, some popcorn, some drinks… I’ll give you one of my tee-shirts to sleep in, you can spend the night and either go home early and change, or wear your new shirt tomorrow.”

I laughed again. “Greg I just told you I’m not like that!” I said, slapping him on the arm.

“I know,” he laughed too. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll even sleep on the couch. This is just a really awesome movie, but if I watch it alone that’ll make me really lame.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Because, Ella.” He sighed over-dramatically. “Everyone knows a full grown man can’t watch a Disney movie by himself!”

I laughed. “OK, OK, you did say caramel apples, right?”


Greg bought some snack food, pop corn, the caramel apples, and some little boxes of candy. I bought our drinks. I wasn’t sure if I should call and tell Matt that I wasn’t coming home or not. I didn’t want it to seem like I was asking for his permission to stay out, or like I was trying to rub it in his face, but I also didn’t want him to worry, and I needed him to see if he could get a ride to work in the morning, so I could just leave from Greg’s. Eventually I sided with texting him. He texted me back pretty quickly:
Matt: Ed was over watching man-movies. He said he’d stay and give me a ride tomorrow.

I laughed and texted back: Man movies? Please, keep it off my couch!
I was a little taken back when I didn’t get a text back from him, but shrugged it off.


Greg’s apartment was actually just a studio. He had one of those beds that folded up into the wall!

“I didn’t know these things really existed!” I exclaimed when he pulled it down.

“Yeah, that was actually one of the selling points of this place, and I’m not even kidding! I could afford a bigger place, but what’s the point? I don’t really need the room, and it’s a lot cheaper this way, which makes a lot of sense since I’m never here in the summer.”

“Yeah. I mean, I honestly wouldn’t have as big of a place as I do if my parent’s hadn’t gotten it for me.”

He went to the kitchen, which was divided from the living room/bedroom by a counter. I watched him pour our drinks into glasses with ice, pop some popcorn, and cut up some caramel apples and plate them. He brought everything into the room, setting them down on top of his dresser. He rummaged through his dresser, handing me a tee shirt and a pair of his sweatpants.

“It might be a little big, but it’ll probably be more comfortable.” He said, tossing them to me. “Bathroom’s right over there.” He said, pointing to a door that I had originally assumed was a closet. I changed quickly, and snuggled in next to Greg, who had made himself comfortable on the bed. He hit play on the DVD remote, and we started munching on various things.

Somewhere towards the end of the movie, I felt his eyes on me. My head had been resting on his chest, his arm tucked around me. I looked up, and knew instantly, this was it. It was a slow motion movie moment, his face came closer to mine, my eyes closed on their own, and finally, his lips were on mine.

We kissed for awhile, until the movie ended and the screen went blue. Finally, he pulled away, once again kissing my forehead.

“Thanks for coming over.” He said, reaching for the remote and shutting off the TV.

“Thanks for asking me.” I answered, adjusting myself so I was comfortable.
Greg laid down next to me, comfortably draping one arm across me. In no time, I fell asleep, and had one of the most restful night’s sleep that I had had in a long time.

Greg and I woke at the same time the next day, dressing quickly and making it out the door in time to have a quick breakfast at the Tim Horton’s around the corner. He kissed me goodbye at my car, and wished me a good day. I went into work with a huge smile on my face.

I sat down in my office, sipping on my orange juice and humming to myself. My happiness was short lived, however, when I opened my email and saw that I had a new email from Kayla.