Light does the darkness most fear

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, and neither Matt nor I was in the mood for talking. Personally, I had enough going on inside my head, and was also trying to pray at the same time all these other thoughts were going on. My head felt like it would explode with all the things that were jammed in there – Seth and Kylie, Chloe being sick… Was it my fault? I mean maybe I should have just let the whole Kylie thing go. Maybe if I hadn’t made such a big deal Chloe wouldn’t have gotten stressed and wouldn’t have gotten sick.

Oh please, just let her be OK.

We finally got to the hospital, Matt dropping me off at the door and going to park the car. I found Seth sitting in the waiting room, his head in his hands, and instantly my anger at him disappeared. I just couldn’t be mad at him, not when he looked so scared and lost.

I touched his shoulder, and he jumped, his eyes growing wide.

“I thought you’d leave.” He blurted out.

“Did you really think I’d leave, not knowing what was going on with her?” I asked, sitting down next to him.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “You were pretty mad.”

“I still kind of am Seth. But it doesn’t matter right now. I love you… And I love Chloe. I’m not going anywhere.”

He puffed out a breath that I hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and leaned back over, his head resting in his hands again.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I don’t know why I let her stay. I knew she was causing you stress and Chloe stress and I knew… I just don’t why I didn’t ask her to leave.”

“It’s hard to let go sometimes…” I said, echoing what Jason had said to me earlier.

“I just… I mean did I do this? It was supposed to be Chloe’s vacation and here I let someone who she didn’t like come stress her out… And for what?” His voice cracked. “To be honest, I didn’t even want Kylie there… I just couldn’t tell her to leave either.”

“It’s not anyone’s fault Seth.” I said, rubbing his back. “Chloe is sick. I think… I think sometimes we forget that because she looks better, or maybe even because we want her to BE better so badly. But she’s very sick Seth, and unfortunately these things happen to people who are sick. You didn’t cause it, and all you can really do is just hope she gets better.” I was quiet for a moment, wondering if I should tell him the conversation Kylie and I had. I didn’t want to tattle on her, and I also didn’t want to cause him anymore stress, but in the past when I kept my mouth shut, it just came back to bite me in the ass.

“I did… Um. I did kick her out, though.” I said. He looked up at me, and I couldn’t decipher the look in his eye, so I continued speaking fast, hoping to get it all out before he blew up at me.

“I know, it’s not my house and not my place, but I asked her if she wanted to come to the hospital and she just said some not nice things, and you don’t need to know what those things are… But I just kind of snapped and I told her to get out.”
He was quiet for a long time, and I worried that I had made him angry.
“Seth, I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

He waved me off. “You didn’t. I just… I love you, Ella. And again, I’m really sorry for even…” He trailed off.

I let that sit between us for a moment, absorbing it. Things with Seth had gotten pretty serious pretty quickly and now… I don’t know. Now I was feeling slightly uncomfortable with it. Maybe it was just because I was still a little angry at how he had treated me with Kylie, and maybe I didn’t want to let it go so easily… I couldn’t put my finger on what I was feeling, but was that really such a surprise? So much had happened, my emotions were in a tornado. I chalked it up to stress and decided to let the whole thing slide for now.

“Have you heard anything?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Her vitals were decent when we got here. Not great. She had spiked a pretty high fever – which makes me feel even more guilty because chances are she wasn’t feeling well and decided not to tell anyone.”

“That’s not your fault.” I interrupted.

“Maybe it is. I mean with everything else going on…”

“It’s Chloe, Seth. She wanted to have a good time. She didn’t want to get babied.”
He nodded. “Other than that, we don’t know much. They took her back and wouldn’t let me go. She still wasn’t awake… The doctor thinks she may have fainted and when she fell, bumped her head which caused her to pass out. Which is a whole other problem to worry about – how badly did she hurt herself when she fell and all that.” He shook his hand. “It’s such a mess, and I feel so useless. All I can do is sit here.”

“Seth, what you’re doing is not useless. If you weren’t here, Chloe would have no reason to fight, and would have given up a long time ago.”

He just nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he was really listening to me or not. I didn’t know what else to say, so I left it alone, sitting in silence until Matt joined us. I quietly updated him on what we found out about Chloe.

“Where are Christi and Drew?” He asked, and I realized for the first time that I hadn’t seen them.

“They’re trying to find a hotel room nearby. Mom and Dad won’t want to stay at the house – it’s too far. I doubt they’ll leave at all, but usually if we have a place that’s close I can talk them into leaving for a shower or a nap or something, so they went to go get one.” Seth answered.

I had never really spent much time in a hospital. True, I had visited Chloe before, but that was usually after she was settled, when things were at least a tad bit more calm, a little less touch and go. After this experience, I was convinced hospitals were some sort of strange torture device. The smells, for one, were interesting to say the least. There was nothing to do – which I wasn’t expecting go-karts in the middle of the floor or anything, but the walls were pretty blank, the magazines were ripped and old, and the TV was set to some fishing channel – and really, who watches fishing? I realized we weren’t there for a party, but there was nothing to do to attempt to distract yourself at all. The clock seemed to tick louder with every passing second that we didn’t hear news.

Chloe’s parents arrived along with Ian, and we still hadn’t heard anything – not for lack of trying. Seth had been up to the nurses desk every ten minutes or so, but they all told us the same thing – no news yet. The first time Seth came back, I tried to tell him that no news was good news, but he shot me a look that told me to keep my cliché’s to myself.

Finally, just as I was about to suggest a break to the cafeteria, the doctor walked out, a tired look on his face – that had to be good, right? Tired meant he had been working hard, and if he was working hard that meant there was something worth saving, right?

“Can I see the immeadiate family please? We have a conference room right over here.” He asked.

I stayed in my chair as Chloe’s parents, Ian, and Seth rose. But Seth reached around and tugged my hand.

“You too, El.” He said quietly.

I shook my head – this wasn’t my place. I wasn’t going to butt in.

“Please.” He said quietly. “I need you.”

I looked over at Chloe’s Mom – I really didn’t want to intrude on something so personal, but her eyes smiled. I looked at Ian – the most private one of them all.
“Ella, you’re family too.” He said, which almost made me break down right there.
So I rose and took Seth’s hand in one hand, and Chloe’s Mom’s hand in the other. She linked hands with Ian, who surprised me by linking hands with his father. Together we walked, a human chain, hoping that if the news wasn’t good, somehow with us being together like this… It would be easier to absorb the blow.