Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

As I slipped the dress over my head I couldn’t help but think how it was a good thing I didn’t go to the wedding, as the dress? Was NOT a wedding dress. It was clearly an ‘I want people to look at me’ dress, which, everyone knows the bride should be the only one being looked at on her wedding day. I went light on the makeup, I usually did. I hated when makeup felt caked on and I usually ended up forgetting that I was wearing it and rubbed my eyes or something, giving me a nice raccoon look. I dried my hair a little, but left it sort of damp. I knew that way it would curl and wave slightly.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I saw that Drewbie had also gotten dressed in your typical prep guy clubbing outfit. He had that rumpled look down perfectly, his hair messed, his dress shirt undone and hanging in all the right places, a nice pair of jeans on. He let out a low whistle.
“Ella Enchanted, you sure do clean up nice.”
“Shut up and let’s get this over with already.” I said, smiling.

It wasn’t really so much a club as… Well, I’m not sure what you’d call it. It was a multi-level building that had a little something for everyone. On the bottom floor there was a stage where people came and sang, did stand up, magic… Kind of an open mike, only you had to be asked to do it, so the performances weren’t that bad. The next level up was more of a bar, with food and drinks. The top level was the more clubby area, loud music, drinks, and dancing.
Drew and I started out on the main level. We were there kind of early, so we planned to watch a few acts, head upstairs and eat, and then go dancing for a little bit. Drew’s goal was to get someone to distract me for awhile.
We arrived in the middle of a singers song, a pretty girl about my age with curly black hair and light mocha skin. As she finished her song, a waiter showed us to our seats.
The MC came out and announced the next act, a magician.
“I don’t know how I feel about magicians.” I said quietly to Drew after we had ordered a round.
“What’s wrong with them?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” I answered, shrugging my bare shoulders. “They alternate between turning me on and giving me the heeby-jeebys. Part of me wants to know their secret so I won’t be freaked out, and the part of me is dying for the magic to stay magic.”
Drew nodded as the magician took the stage.
He was older, probably in his 30’s, and was attractive to me (I like them kind of geeky, and a tad on the big side.) This guy was sort of pale, but not unhealthy looking pale, with a shock of light brown hair that stood on his head. I couldn’t tell if he styled it that way for the show, or if his hair just had a mind of it’s own. I couldn’t see his eye color from where I was sitting, but he seemed to be a few inches taller than I was. He was dressed sort of dorky, but again, I couldn’t be sure if this was a show outfit, or how he really dressed. He had on one of those horrible Hawiian shirts with a loud guitar pattern, and black shorts that were so long they could have been considered manpri’s. He topped this look with black socks and white nikes.
For obvious reasons, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He told jokes, some that were actually funny, and some that were so stupid they were funny. He did tricks, some that I’ve seen before, and others I had to admire. The more he worked, the redder his cheeks got, and I saw that he was sweating a lot. Two things that may have normally grossed me out, but for some reason I was oddly attracted to him.
He asked for volunteers several times, each time Drew tried to goad me into going up. I never did. I never knew how to handle myself in those situations and always felt awkward. Drew volunteered once, and got picked, and for his efforts got a balloon animal that was supposed to be a moose but looked like a dog.
“Here’s your moose!” The magician announced, handing the dog to Drew.
“It’s a dog.” Drew said, plainly.
“It’s a dog named Moose!” The magician countered easily. “It’s a moose dog!” He exclaimed.
Drew chuckled and shook his head.
“Don’t YOU want a moose-dog?” He asked sitting down.
“Nope.” I answered. “I want a hippo-dog.”
“So go get one.”
“No thank you, I don’t do well with those types.”
“What types?” Drew asked, making his moose-dog walk across the table.
“You know, the loud, funny, semi-annoying ones. The people who always put you on the spot. They make me feel dumb if I can’t come up with a come back fast enough.”

The show wound down and Greg – that was the magicians name – did his last trick, escaping from a straight jacket while hanging upside down. I was actually sad to see it ending, but was pretty hungry so Drew and I headed upstairs to eat. After that, we headed upstairs for some dancing, Drew alternated between dancing with me, and trying to push me towards some other guy. I tried, but the club scene just wasn’t for me. It’s not a relationship starter, it’s a venue to rub your body up against a strangers and fake having sex until you decide to either go home alone, or go home with that stranger. I have never, nor have ever met anyone who met their significant other in a club. It’s a phase we all go through, because there’s something exciting about being wanted by a complete stranger. You know it’s a physical attraction alone, and it helps boost your ego in a way.
Drew looked both a little relieved and annoyed when I tapped him on the shoulder and told him I wanted to go home. He looked at his watch, shot me a look that said “already?” and then shrugged his shoulders and walked out.
We got in the car, and Drew drove, as I hated driving at night. We sat in silence for a few moments, and as I reached for the radio, Drew cleared his throat and shook his head a little.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh?” I said, pulling my hand back. “What?”
“You didn’t see anyone you liked?”
“In there?” I shook my head. “Not really. But, I mean, it’s a club Drew. You know I’m not like that.”
“It’s just, El, you never see anyone you like.”
“That’s not true…” I started.
“Yeah, it is true. You dated Sean, and then it’s been all Jason, all the time, ever since.”
“I’ve dated other guys Drew.” I said, defensively.
“Yeah, complete jerks who you KNEW were jerks, because you didn’t really want to get involved with anyone, because you were too busy waiting on Jason.”
“Why does it even matter, Drew?” I said. I crossed my arms in front of my chest. I was starting to feel attacked.
“Because, El.” He sighed. “You deserve someone. Someone better than Jason. And you take all these good guys and compare them too Jason. But not even the real Jason, this wonderful guy you’ve built up in your mind to be fantastic. And he’s not. He’s just… A guy.”
“You don’t know him like I do.” I said, a little too loudly and a little too quickly. “He’s done a lot for me, and you know what? Everyone’s on this whole “get over Jason” kick, and expects me to do it now. But I can’t just flick a switch and fall out of love with someone. He was mine, for years and years. And now, he’s not and it’s not easy.”
“It IS easy El. You just need to stop and think about it.” He said. I could hear the frustration edging in his voice.
“What do you know Drew? You’ve never had anyone. You’ve never even been in love.” I shot back. Low blow, but it was true. Drew had taken girls out, but hadn’t ever had a serious relationship. I had questioned once if Drew was gay. Not that it mattered to me, but I knew his family were really right winged and would have thrown him out, and Drew was really close to his family. I knew that would have killed him. When I suggested it to Jason, he had said no way. So, I never really knew what his deal was.
“I know that Jason didn’t want you. And I know that if someone was dumb enough to let me go, I’d be smart enough to walk away.” Drew said sharply. “If he’s so great El, how come he didn’t even call you to make sure you were OK when you backed out of his wedding? You think Jay didn’t know how you felt?” Drew laughed, a little harsh. “He knew. He just didn’t feel the same way. And how could you still love him after that?”
I felt the wave of pain and embarrassment flash through me. It started in my heart and worked it’s way all over my body, ebbing and flowing, and continuing over me several times, like a wave washes over a beach. I couldn’t say anything, I was afraid I would start crying, and I wouldn’t let Drew know he got to me.
“El.” He said, his voice softer. He stopped at a red light, and looked over at me. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” He trailed off, and shook his head slightly. He sighed deeply.
“Forget it Drew. Just take me home.” I said, working to keep my voice steady and even.

We got home and I locked myself in the bathroom, taking as much time as possible to wash off my makeup, brush my hair, and change into my pajamas. When I finally emerged, Drew was sitting on the edge of my bed, in a pair of ratty sweatpants and a plain white tee shirt that clung to his chest. The look on his face was one that little boys get right after they’ve said something mean to their mother: scared, pained, and remorseful.
“While I maintain that what I said was the truth, I shouldn’t have said it so harshly. It’s just… You’ve been focused on Jason for so long, it’s like you have tunnel vision. You only see him. And there’s so many other people out there, people who want a chance to love you, and you won’t let them in. And it’s kind of annoying, El, to hear you talk about Jason like he’s a saint. I’m sorry he hurt you, I’m sorry I hurt you. And I don’t expect you to get over it in two seconds, but Ella you’re not even trying. You sit here and reminisce about the good times and it completely fades out the bad times.” He paused, running a hand through his already mussed hair. “You just can’t even see how dumb he is for not choosing you. You’re so smart, funny, and beautiful, and I don’t see how he couldn’t have chosen you.”
I slipped down next to Drew, patting his leg with my hand.
“It’s OK Drew. It’s just… Hard.” We both sat there, in silence that became increasingly uncomfortable. I struggled to think of something to say. “You just apologized so you wouldn’t have to sleep on the futon, didn’t you?”