A modge podge of things.

Sorry I'm a little late getting this up. I figured you guys wouldn't mind, since it's not an actual posting day. My night last night went like this: Screwed around on ebay, found two really cute knitting projects that made me wish I knew how to knit (I'm knitting stupid, I swear, many people have tried to teach me how, and I just don't get it!), then hubby and I decided to go to bed. I can't sleep (even though I'm tired) so I decide to play deal or no deal on my phone (stupidest game ever, yet so very addicting!) My son woke up, but wasn't really awake, the second I went in there, he laid down on my and fell asleep. I put him down. Ten minutes later, he woke up, again, just to be held.

My son has never been a good sleeper. He's been a pretty sound sleeper, once you GET him to sleep, but he slept through the night at 3 or 4 months for three or four days, and then just quit. It was as if he wanted us to know that yes, I CAN do it, I just don't want too. We tried everything, short of just letting him cry. Two different doctors told us to let him cry it out before I would do it. We had one night of hell, and then it was MUCH better. He was sleeping through the night, on his own, in his own room. He didn't need to be rocked to sleep, or sang to sleep. However, that was hard too, because while I loved finally getting the sleep (he was 9 months, at this point.) The only time he let me hold him anymore was when he woke up at night. He was too wiggly the rest of the time.

Anyway, back to last night. I decided to move him into bed with us. Which, I don't normally do. One, if he's too awake when I do it, he thinks it's play time and will get up and play. Two, it's really hard for my husband and I to sleep when he's in the bed. Three, I just don't want him to get used to it. But, last night I was thinking maybe he felt his shots from the other day, and just needed some Mommy-Daddy cuddle time.

It was a trick! The second I laid him in our bed he sat up and started chatting with the dog (who really is his best friend.) So I took him and laid him back in his room. He started crying, and didn't quit. So, I figured, maybe he's hungry. He doesn't eat in the night anymore, but there are occasions where he does, if I haven't fed him enough during the day. My husband went and got a sippy (we're done with bottles. We're also done with binkies. We got the short straw in the sleeping area, but when it came to bottles and paci's, my son didn't really want much to do with them.) and Cayden started drinking. I put him down with it (I know, I know, you shouldn't put your child down with anything other than water.) And went back to lay down. He was quiet, and I was just about to fall asleep when he started screaming. Jeremy told me just to let him go, but I decided to check on him.

Cayden had managed to open his sippy cup and dump it all over himself, his bed, and his lovey (the thing he can't sleep without.) So I then had to change him, find the spare lovey, and realize we didn't have another sheet clean to put on the bed, so find something to lay down.

Then I sat down with him and ended up rocking him to sleep. Which, again, I don't like to do, but every once in awhile it's nice.

He let me rock him on his birthday, too, only that wasn't so much of a struggle. He had had a big day - Doctors appointment, going out to lunch, presents, Grandparents, more presents, cake, going out to dinner... He was pretty tired, he let me hold him, sing him his lullaby (I've been singing him Return To Pooh Corner since before he was born.) and drifted right off to sleep. I came downstairs and cried.

When people speak of mother-hood, they never tell you how hard it is emotionally. They speak of lack of sleep, putting yourself last all the time, working double time, all that. But they never tell you about literally feeling your heart being ripped in half. Time goes by so fast. Everyone tells you that, but you can't know until it's your own child. I love who my son is now. I love the fact that he's more interactive, talking a little, about to walk... But I miss my baby. The one who would fall asleep and take a nap with me, or who would sit still for more than five seconds. It's like for everything you gain, you have to give up something.

I think it's especially hard with the first. You don't know what to expect, and you're so busy worrying and trying to do the right thing, trying to prevent every cry, even every whimper, that you don't know you really just need to slow down, breathe, and look at your child. It's like a blinked and here we are, and I missed the whole first year. I look back at pictures, and can't help but wonder, when did he go from that little baby, to a little boy?

My advice for new parents really is pretty simple: Any advice you get from people, is just what works for them. EVERY baby is different, and what works for one baby, may not work for another. Hell, what works on Cayden sometimes doesn't work for him all the time. I can only tell you what works for my child and our family. But, the one thing that I think remains true of all kids, is they grow up way too fast. All you can do is try to enjoy the moment while you have it.

Anyway, Cayden's birthday party went really well, despite the rain we had. We hired a photographer, which a lot of people thought I was insane for, but I'm really glad we did. For one, he was REALLY good, and REALLY cheap (50 bucks for the party, some prints, a CD of all the pictures, not copy-writed so we can print them anywhere, free editing, and since the weather was shitty, he's re-shooting for us next weekend for free. If you need a photographer and live around Columbus, let me know!) Anyway, I barely got any pictures on our camera, most of the ones taken were took by other people. I didn't have time, I was too busy running around, getting things ready, and trying to socialize a little. My Mother in law behaved, I think. I don't know, I wasn't around her much. She did decide to come, my suspicions are that she found out her brother was coming and had to show up to put in the "worlds best grandma" act. She did get mad at the photographer, after she saw the pictures, because she looks fat.

The woman has to be at LEAST 400 lbs, if not more. I'm not knocking her, I'm fat too. But if you're fat in real life? Chances are you're going to look fat in pictures.

I don't know. Lately I think my Mother in law has been trying to push my buttons more and more boldly. I dunno if I'm just paranoid, or perhaps it is true. In the beginning, she was great. I actually liked her, but we also barely saw her. When my son was born, the power struggle started. The night he was born she was "sick" but came anyway. They had to wait until my father in law got off work at 6, but didn't show up until`9. Why? Because she had to eat. She couldn't make something at home, or even pick up something in the drive thru (and didn't offer to get my husband anything. I wasn't allowed to eat at that point.)They went to a sit down restaurant. Which took forever (she's horrible about going out to eat with, she sends everything back and ALWAYS finds fault with the waiters/waitresses, and is rude to them.) So then they show up at 9, knowing I hadn't slept in close to two days, I had just had major surgery, and was sick with pancreatitus, and stayed until 11. And they only left because I called the nurse and told her that I thought I was leaking "down there" (ha, they moved faster than I've ever seen them to get outta there!) Then the next day she tried to say she was too sick to come, but my Father In Law was going to stop by. We told them fine, but we're not taking visitors past 8. He got off at 5, PLENTY of time for him to get over to the hospital to see the baby, you would think. Nope. He had to go home, take her out to dinner. 7:45 rolls around, he calls to see if it's too late for BOTH of them to come by. He then got made when my husband said that if they could make it in five minutes, they'd have ten whole minutes to see the baby. Then when we got home, it became a game. We'll be there at 6, and 8 o'clock would roll around and they still wouldn't be here. We'll be there at four, and they'd call at noon saying they were ready to stop by. They came on time one night, and sat here for hours, not helping with anything, not offering to do anything or bring anything, just sitting. Finally when my Mother in law started talking about what shows she likes to watch at nine (like she was going to stay to watch them.) My husband told them I needed to pump and they needed to leave. To which she answered "Oh, we can wait outside."

These aren't even the worst offenses, which would probably have to be her racism (She yelled at me for having one of Cayden's toys on a Spanish setting, she said Cayden didn't need to learn Spanish, that she didn't watch the cooking show Down Home With The Neeley's because it was too much "Mama and Papa" and she couldn't stand all that "black talk", that the old school Sesame Street had a parental warning on it because there was a black man in it, among other things.)

There's the basic questioning everything I do move that she does. Saying in one breath that she knows NOTHING about babies, but are you sure... Implying that I know LESS than nothing... She dropped my son and didn't get out of her chair to make sure he was OK. I mean there's more, we'll get into it sometime, I'm sure. My father in law really is amazing, he's just totally whipped.

All in all, she's really taught me what NOT to be like when it comes to being a Mother in Law, and I am really thankful for that.

Well, I think that's all I have to talk about. I may go back later and put some pictures in, of the party and a really cute one I took of Tater and the dog, but right now Cayden's getting impatient with me and trying to climb the barrier. But, what about you guys? What did your weekend look like? Do you have any horrible Mother in law, Mother, or just family/friends stories?


Oh, and a question for anyone who has ever used baby gates: Do you know if there's a baby gate that doesn't need to go straight across? We have an odd doorway in our house, and where there's a wall on one side we could mount it too, if we put it straight across it'll hit the bathroom door. If we put it at a little bit of an angle there's a wall, but I just don't know if they make gates like that?