And it's alright, alright

This vacation was turning out to be a lot better than I had ever expected. I had been worried about Drew, but happy to get away from work drama and Jarren drama. She had been arrested, but since it was her first violation, she had gotten off pretty light. She agreed to stay away from me and had to do some community service and probation, but other than that… It’s not like I was worried about her coming back to get me or anything… If anything, the only reason I was afraid of bumping into her on the street is that I was afraid I’d kick the crap out of her. She had caused such a headache with court stuff, not to mention the drama she created for me at work… I was still so very angry with her.

I was really looking forward to spending time with Seth as well. I knew soon, I’d be away for the summer, and even though I was home on the weekend, there was so much to do in those short two days… Catch up on sleep, plan out the next weeks activities, get supplies together, do laundry… Well, there wasn’t a whole lot else I wanted to do, let alone had actual time to do. My boss had told me before that camp either makes or breaks couples. We saw it every summer, and it didn’t matter if it was a relationship at camp, or a relationship that was at home. So many couples didn’t make it. It was like a long distanced relationship on crack.

I wasn’t really worried that Seth and I wouldn’t make it. If anything… Well, I don’t know. Our relationship had just been feeling really strong lately. But I still realized how badly I would miss him, I really liked that on this vacation I could spend some quality time with him. I was even more happy when Drew and I managed to work out our issues. It seemed almost too good to be true, but I was back with accepting the go with the flow attitude.

That was, until I called Toni to talk to her about what had happened.

“So. You fell. Drew came to your rescue. Then both of you fell and all of a sudden everything’s A-OK?” Toni questioned. I didn’t like the tone of her voice, she sounds skeptical and sarcastic.

“Yes Toni. I just started laughing. It was like when we fell, I realized how absurd it was, which made me realize how absurd our fight was. So I told him that, I told him I missed him and asked if we could be friends.”

“Hmmm.” Toni said. Again, skeptical.

“Tone.” I sighed. “I just don’t get it. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? Now that it’s happening, why is it so hard to believe?”

“First of all, it’s not exactly what I wanted. I think you and Drew both need to face your feelings for each other and get over your insecurities.”

“Toni I don’t have feelings for Drew anymore…” I interrupted.

“Whatever. We disagree on that part, I know that.”

“Drew doesn’t have feelings for me either. He’s with someone else.” I argued.

“Yeah, because he couldn’t have you. Besides, how much longer do you think they’ll be together?”

“What are you talking about? They’re fine, I haven’t even heard them play fight, let alone argue for real.”

“Just because a couple argues doesn’t mean they’re doomed to fail, and just because a couple doesn’t argue doesn’t mean everything’s sunshine and lollipops El. If you really watch them, they also barely talk to each other anymore, let alone touch. I mean are your eyes open at all?”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m one of your children Toni. Just because I disagree with you doesn’t make me an idiot.” I said through clenched teeth, annoyed at how I was being treated.

Now it was her turn to sigh. “I’m sorry Ella. I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. It’s just that I’ve been around Christi and Drew a lot more than you have, and I’m telling you, they aren’t in it for the long haul. I just worry about you. Sometimes I think you go into things with your eyes half closed, hoping for the best. You and Drew just agreed to make up, but you didn’t TALK about anything. I’m telling you, he, at least, still has feelings for you, and this isn’t going to end well at all.”

“You know Toni, maybe sometimes I do hope for the best. But really, I think that’s a better attitude that the cynical one you tend to adopt most of the time. And all I’m saying is… I said my peace. I told Drew how I felt. I miss him, I want him back in my life. I’m OK with what happened. He had a chance to say whatever he needed to say – if he has feelings for me, if he wasn’t OK with being friends. He didn’t say anything, instead, he just agreed with me. So I don’t think I’m going in it with my eyes half closed at all. If Drew doesn’t feel that way, well, then he lied to me. And it’s not my fault for believing it. He’s a grown ass man, and he’s fully capable of forming words and telling me how he feels, just as much as I am.”

“You’re right Ella. You’re totally right, and I’m not trying to put the blame on you. I’ve told Drew he needs to talk to you and tell you exactly how he feels, but he won’t listen to me. I just figured you may listen a little better. I know you’re both adults, but you’re both my friends, close friends who I care about, and I just hate to see either one of you hurt again… So just… Be careful, OK?”

“Fine.” I said, still annoyed, even though I knew Toni was trying to be more rational. “I’m gonna go, the others will be home soon, I’d like to have dinner started.”

“Alright. Take care. And Ella?”

“Yeah?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t say anything else to piss me off.

“Have fun. You deserve a break.”

“Thanks Toni.” I said, softening a little.

I hung up the phone with her and limped to the kitchen. My ankle was feeling better, I think it was just a bad twist, but it did still hurt to put weight on it. I had planned on making fried chicken, but didn’t think I could stand in the kitchen for that long. Instead, Drew had suggested grilling out. Even though it was raining, there was a part of the porch that had an awning over it, keeping the grill (and the griller) dry. He was grilling meat and some corn we had picked up, and I had told him I’d throw together a salad. After I chopped everything and mixed it, I stored the bowl in the fridge and hobbled outside to check on him.

“Hey.” He called when he saw me approaching. “You should be inside, with that ankle up.”

I sat in a chair a few feet away from him and away from the smoke. The rain had died down, a faint sprinkle misting the air. “I’m fine. I’m not going to spend this whole time on the couch, so… Besides, if I go to camp with a busted ankle it means I don’t have to hike.” I said smiling.

He nodded. An awkward silence fell over us, and Toni’s words popped into my head.

“So…” I started. He looked up, an eyebrow raised. “How are you and Christi doing?” I decided to nip that one in the bud. Drew would tell me everything was OK, and that would put one of Toni’s little theories to rest.

“We’re fine.” He said. Silence again. “Uh, you and Seth seem to be doing well.”

“Yeah… It’s nice…” I trailed off. Maybe relationships were too much, too soon. “Uh. How’s your Dad?”

“He’s good, real good. Working on redoing some of Nick and Toni’s old house. I thought at first Toni might be mad, you know, she put a lot into that house, but the changes he has made? She loves. She says it’s a good thing they ran out of room, or else she’d make him sell it back to them.”

“How’s your Mom?” I asked, and then regretted it. Drew’s shoulders stiffened instantly.

“She’s… Fine.” He said his tone clipped. He shut the grill lid, and came to sit next to me. “Getting remarried. Younger guy, he has his own kids.” He shrugged, like he didn’t care, but I knew better.

“When’s she getting married?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” He said. “Mom was just out of my life for so many years. I don’t really see a point in trying to fix that now.

I wanted to push him further… To argue with him. Just because something’s been broken for years doesn’t mean it can never be fixed. But I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Well, I’m gonna go make the salad dressing.” I said. “Christi and Seth should be home soon. Meat gonna be done?”

“Yeah, should be another five minutes or so.” He answered, getting up himself to check on it.

I walked away, and I was sure Toni was wrong. I mean yes, for awhile our friendship would be a little awkward, but I didn’t think Drew was harboring these deep dark feelings for me. He gave no indication what so ever to that. Things would be fine, we may struggle for a little bit, but it wouldn’t long before we were back where we used to be. I mean Jason and I were there again, after I didn’t think we’d ever be. Drew and I wouldn’t be any different.