Here's another rant for you

I realize this is going to make me come across as all the things lately I've been accused of... Self pitying, playing victim... Whatever the hell you want to call it.

I know some people are pissed off that I've been ranting and not posting. But here's the thing. My "rants"? Take about five minutes to write. I know what I'm going to say, and it seriously does not take that much time to write them. Writing the blog on the other hand? Can take me hours, and usually at least an hour. I know, that may not seem like a lot of time, but when you have laundry, dishes, cleaning, vacuuming, as well as a 19 month old who demands your attention and only naps for about an hour to two hours a day... Well, an hour of my time is a HUGE chunk. Not to mention, people complain about not knowing what to write just because they don't know what to do next. How do you think it feels to worrying about a million and one different things and try to write? I rant to try to get it off my mind so I can go back and focus on other things. Whether that be my son, my husband, my family, or what comes next with Seth and Ella and Drew and Jason.

I come here to rant because I don't have anyone else to rant too. My husband is worried enough about everything that's going on, and I cannot and will not make him feel worse when I know he's trying SO hard. My husband and I fight, and he's not perfect, but he is trying so hard, and I know he feels so guilty about getting laid off. It wasn't his fault and I'm not going to let him know just how worried I am. My best friend? Doesn't want me to be pregnant. I can't talk to her about it, or money issues, because all she's going to do is tell me I told you so, and probably suggest that we not have this baby. My other best friend lives MANY miles away in Memphis, and wants a baby of her own so badly that I feel HORRIBLE for even saying I'm worried about how this is all going to go when I'm lucky enough to get pregnant.

Point blank: Whether you think I'm a cry baby, or a whiner, ungrateful, or playing a victim, that's your opinion, and you are allowed to it. Everyone is allowed to think and feel however they want too. But MY opinion? Is that I'm dealing with an AWFUL lot right now. It could be worse, much worse, I know that. No matter how bad it gets, it can ALWAYS get worse. But it doesn't lessen the load I'm carrying right now. I can't say it's more or less than whatever load your carrying. I don't know that. I know I had a reader who posted who is going through more than I am right now. You can NEVER compare someone's life to someone else's and say "Well I have it worse" because it doesn't WORK that way. Someone's mountain is another person's molehill, and what I've been trying to say all along is that I am dealing with my mountain right now. You can look at it and see a molehill, or even an anthill if you want. But it's my blog and if I want to spend every day coming here and complaining that is my right, and if you have a problem with that, it's easy to solve. Don't come back.

For those of you who have been understanding, PLEASE know this was not directed to you at ALL. I've just gotten some emails and read some things on other people's blogs and I am pissed off. Because I think people who have no idea what's going on, shouldn't judge. Shouldn't talk shit. However, I do realize the same could be said about me, and I apologize for that as well. The whole book deal thing? Again, that shouldn't matter to me. It was none of my business, and as stupid as I think it is... Well, that doesn't mean that it isn't important to someone else, that it isn't their dream, and I shouldn't have dogged that. It was wrong of me, I was wrong, and again, I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that just because it isn't the way I would do it doesn't mean that it isn't the wrong way.

The blog will continue mainly on a Monday-Friday schedule. There may be three page rants thrown in. I may choose not to share my personal life anymore. I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to keep my mouth shut about other blogs: They have the right to run it however they want, and I can only hope that other blogs keep their mouth shut about mine.