Jarren: We bout to throw them bows

I sat around my apartment, sulking. It had been a late night the night before, and Matt had busted in early this morning. I was tired, pissed off, and had a headache. To make matters worse, it didn’t seem like anyone was going to answer my texts. At least not Ella. That pissed me off even more. She had said she wanted to make amends, said she wanted to try again and be friends, but she not only introduced me to Matt, but then completely ignored me when he dumped me. For no reason! A true friend would have been over with doughnuts and coffee to watch bad romance movies and bitch about how all guys were dirtbags, but Ella was off… Doing what? Probably hanging out with Matt. Or her own wonder boyfriend.
I thought about calling Greg, to see if he wanted to hang out, but I wasn’t really in the mood for that. He’d ask me why I was all bummed out, and I’d have to tell him about Matt. He didn’t know I was seeing anyone. I had told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to get back together with him. That was the truth, partially. I liked Greg, but he ran off too quickly, touring the country doing his stupid comedy shows. And a kid? I wasn’t Mommy type. At least to other people’s children. Maybe someday I’d have one of my own…
But anyway. Matt was a good enough guy, but when Greg came back spouting off about how he was sorry he had left like that, and he felt really badly about how I ended things… Well, I had to give him another chance. Maybe I pushed it too far, telling Matt that Greg was a physco. It’s just that Matt had been getting so jealous lately, and I didn’t want him getting suspicious. I just wanted to figure out which guy was right for me. How was that so wrong? I just wanted to be sure of who I was with, and really that was the best thing for all parties involved, right?
I still knew I couldn’t explain it like that to Ella. She was Miss. Always Right. In her eyes, I would be acting selfish. Maybe I was, but in my opinion, Ella could stand to be a little selfish herself. Maybe then she wouldn’t be with Seth. Maybe she’d be with Drew too, and maybe then she’d finally figure out who was the right guy for her.
Whatever. Ella would never listen to any advice I ever gave her, because I was just her fuck up friend.
I glanced at the clock, and sighed. I should be getting ready for work right now. I didn’t feel like going. It had been a late night last night, and then a rough morning. I knew I should go… I was down to part time… My Dad had told me that if I looked at going back to school, he’d let me cut back to part time and help me out bill wise. He was starting to push me into actually going, but I knew I had a few more months before I actually had to put in some applications. I picked up the phone and dialed in work… I knew my Dad would spot me a twenty to get me through…

Of course, calling off work meant I had nothing else to do for the day. I really wished Ella would call me back. I decided if she wasn’t going to call me back I would just head on over there… See if maybe she wanted to do some shopping. I realized I may run into Matt, but hey, that wasn’t my problem. Ella was my friend first, just because they lived together doesn’t mean I was going to avoid my best friends house. I showered and changed and got in my car before I could change my mind.
Matt’s car wasn’t in the driveway when I pulled up, but Ella’s was. I was actually disappointed that Matt wasn’t there. I had gotten a little dressed up for him… I wondered if he regretted breaking up with me yet.
I knocked on the door, and when Ella didn’t answer, I tried the knob. It turned, and I let myself in. I heard the shower running, and then stop, I made my way back to Ella’s room.
“Jesus!” Ella said, jumping as she emerged from the bathroom. She hugged her towel around her tighter.
“I tried calling you.”
“I know. I went over to Toni’s to visit. I haven’t seen her in forever.”
“You haven’t seen me in awhile either, Ella. And my boyfriend just dumped me. I thought you’d be there for me.”
“I’m sorry Jarren, I’ve just had an awful lot going on myself right now.”
“You ALWAYS have stuff going on.” I said. I was coming across more defensive than I meant too. I didn’t want to come over to fight, even though I was pissed off at how Ella was acting.
“Jarren…” Ella started.
“No. I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I mean you are busy an awful lot El. I know you have things to do, but I dunno… I’m feeling a little hurt over the Matt thing… I thought maybe you could take some time… We could do a girls thing?”
“Oh cut the crap Jarren!” Ella snapped.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.
“Look, I wasn’t going to say anything. I was going to let it go. But I can’t anymore. You? Playing the victim? Really is such bullshit. Matt didn’t want to tell you the real reason he dumped you, he didn’t want to drag me into the middle of it. But I saw you Jarren.”
“Saw me what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
“Seth and I were at that carnival last night. YOU were supposed to be out with friends. Instead you were out with Greg.”
“Oh, jealous much?” I asked, laughing. “Greg’s my friend. We were hanging out.”
“Really, Jar? We’re going to pull the I’m jealous card again? That’s really getting old. Just because I don’t like or agree with what you do does NOT make my jealous. You know what you did wrong. The whole drama with Greg being crazy? Dragging Matt over there to rescue you, putting on this big show, making him feel BAD for you? And then you turn right around and go out with Greg. You not only lied about who you were going out with, you lied about all the drama with Greg, and you lied when you said you’d never see him again.”
“Matt was so jealous of Greg Ella. I didn’t want to be told who I could and couldn’t be friends with, but I also wanted to respect his wishes. What he doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt him.”
Ella laughed. “Jarren are you really that stupid? God. It’s not even stupidity… It’s selfishness. You know DAMN well that if Matt hung out with another girl, you would be LIVID.”
“He hangs out with you ALL the time!” I shouted back.
“You know what I mean, Jarren. If Matt had told you he wasn’t hanging with a girl, and then you found out he did it, you would never let him live it down. You’d be playing the part of the heartbroken and betrayed. Well, newsflash, when you are the one who breaks hearts and betray’s someone? You cannot play victim anymore.”
“Why not? You’re still doing it.” I shot back.
“How am I doing it?”
“The whole Drew thing? It’s clear you still want him Ella. It’s clear you’re pissed off that he has another girlfriend. Meanwhile, YOU’RE the reason you two broke up, and YOU have another boyfriend. If you’re telling me it’s not fair to play the field, then you are a hypocrite.”
“Jarren, I’m not doing this anymore. It’s obvious that you just don’t care about anyone but yourself. You’re selfish, self centered, and manipulative. You try to compare situations that cannot be compared. The fact of the matter is, what you did was wrong. YOU hurt MATT, not the other way around. And if you ended up being hurt that he broke up with you… Well, you have no one but to blame but youself. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t want you to call me, email me, come by the house. I want you to leave me the hell alone. And if you need to tell all your friends that I’m some sort of crazy selfish jealous bitch to make yourself look and feel better… Well, go right ahead. I really do hope that some day, Jarren, that you get your shit in order. But, I can’t wait around anymore for that to happen. Please, leave.” She turned around and headed back to her bathroom.

I tried to help myself. I really did. I felt the anger bubbling up in my chest. I had been friends with Ella for years, and she always had to be the self-righteous one, the better one. She was the one with all the guys, all the friends, the good job, the life… I was so sick of it, so sick of her. How the hell could she judge me when she had no idea what I’d been through? What it was like to be me?

It was like my hand had a mind of it’s own when it reached up and grabbed a handful of her wet hair…