Lately, it seems like I am sick of a lot of things. I'm sick of being tired, I'm sick of feeling sick, I am sick of waiting for things to happen. I'm sick of my friends, I'm sick of being crabby, I'm sick of complaining...
But really, complaining is all I ever want to do anymore. And even that, is getting on my last nerve.
With my son, we got pregnant SO easily. We talked about being pregnant, and suddenly I was knocked up. With this little Sprout, it took much longer. We actually had to try. With my son I was the same negative Nancy I am now. I told myself, with this one, it will be different... I mean, this one took much longer to happen, so while I hesitate to say that I wanted it more (that makes it sound like I want this baby more than my son, and that's not true.) I will say that I... Appreciate it more. Or at least I should. But I don't. I feel horrible for being so ungrateful, as I told myself that I would put up with anything just to be pregnant again, but all I feel myself doing is dwelling on the bad stuff. Plus, I want to pick a fight with EVERYONE. Lately I've been feeling so damn mean, it's like, I just want to snap and everyone for everything they do. It's hard keeping it in check, and I'm honestly super afraid that one of these days I'm going to snap.
It'll be interesting, to say the least.
It's just been another bad week. It shouldn't have been, the sun is shining and it's finally gorgeous outside. Not too hot, not too cold. But even that pisses me off because it's finally gorgeous outside and we're stuck inside all day because I can't motivate myself to move off the couch unless it's to go to the bathroom to puke. Fun times. Then I found out my son's crib's been recalled. I was planning on moving him to a toddler bed, but not yet, because he's not quite ready. I was hoping to get a new toddler bed for him and then the baby could have his crib. Toddler beds are cheaper and it would be a good way to save money, but we were going to hold off a little longer, because as I said, I don't think he's ready yet, and I wanted to make sure he was ready before we bought a bed. Well, now I either have to buy two cribs, or a crib and a toddler bed, because apparently what he's sleeping in now is a death trap. Only we don't have the money for a crib. So I have no idea what to do. I'm going to borrow my Mom's toddler bed and see how he does, but if it doesn't go well? We're screwed. And I still need a new crib.
Then it seems like all these blogs are going off in search of book deals, and that aggrivates me too. It shouldn't, it's really none of my business and doesn't have anything to do with me at all, but I find it annoying. Do I wish this blog could be a book? Sure. I like writing it. It would be AWESOME to make money off something that not only I like doing, but I do at home so I can still take care of my kids. But am I going to shut down production to go search for some elusive agent or editor? No. Maybe it's my lack of ambition, and maybe I'm just jealous that everyone else is willing to try when I'm not. I don't know. I just feel like it's a snub to the people who do read you. Like, oh, let me shut this down when you've been reading it all along to go do something that's probably not going to happen anyway. Again, maybe it's just me. Maybe I just don't think my stuff is good enough (and for the record, I don't think this blog is good enough to be a book. And the only blog I've come across that I do think was good enough to be a book was Utopia.) But it's just annoying to me.
Oh. Man. See? I'm just a bitch lately. I mean is it really just me? I mean, how do you guys feel about blog-turn-book-deals?
Alright, some good news... It's almost time for another ultrasound! At least I think. I have my first doctors appointment on the 11th, and when I went in when I was pregnant with Cayden, they gave me an ultrasound, so I'm hoping for a repeat! If it happens and I get pictures, I'll be sure to show you guys.
I've been thinking when it gets closer to the big gender ultrasound (which, I may be going in earlier than 20 weeks. I think hubby is getting me the gender id at the 3d ultrasound place for mother's day. I can go in at 15 weeks) I'd do a poll to see how many people think it's a boy, and how many people think it's a girl. Just for shits and giggles. I want to think girl, but I'm so scared to get my hopes up, so I'm trying to tell myself boy. Hubby says girl, and he was right last time, so, we'll see. We also have our girls name picked out, but no boy's name yet, and we had the opposite problem for Cayden. (Anyone got any boy's name ideas? Everything I like rhymes with Cayden. Like Aiden, Brayden... I also really like Elijah, but hubby hates it for some weird reason.)
And today is my hubby's birthday! So happy birthday to him!
Breaking the Surface
10 years ago
25 comments:
I actually think it's healthy to be pissed off once in a while. I had my bitch week last week, and by monday I was back to normal. And you have plenty to be bitchy about, so go ahead. Just warn people around you. I usually start off by saying "I'm in a REALLY bad mood, so just pretend I'm not here." That does the trick.
Happy birthday to your hubby!! I hope he has a great day!
Did the cucumbers work for your morning sickness??
Happy Birthday to your hubby!
A little bitchfest is normal. I don't understand how people can function without them!
I was pissed about the whole blog turned book thing too. It's like wow, you have some readers and and followers... let's close up shop and make a mint! so frustrating. I wouldn't buy any of these blog->books. Unless you've got a publisher that is 200% interested, let the idea go. It's fun to read these blogs, but please writers... stop trying to make them something they're not!
see... a little bitchfest is healthy.
Oh and my friend's daughter's crib was in that same recall and they are sending her a piece to fix the problem. I bought her son an Elmo toddler bedroom set a few years ago from walmart for $100. It was the bed, a 3 drawer toy dresser and a play table with chairs. It was super cute and I thought a good price for what I got.
Stop being so hard on yourself. You have so many hormones swimming through your body right now, that it is absolutely impossible to be in charge of your emotions. Feel what you're feeling and find healthy ways to let those feelings out. Gratitude is completely seperate from your aggravation, and it is certainly not cancelled out because you seem to be having a bunch of bad days. This, too, shall pass.
Happy birthday to your husband.
You're entitled to a period of bitching. And you warned us, so we knew what to expect.
At the moment I'm in a bitchy mood too since I've already told my friends something 3x and they still don't get that I can't reschedule an already paid holiday.
Haha, I just need to walk around with a tee shirt on that says "I'm pregnant and a huge bitch." I mean I want to complain about everything. Like yesterday a friend was putting status messages up on facebook and it just made me SO mad, and hubby was like "what does it have to do with you?" Nothing. It had nothing to do with me. But it irritated me so badly, lol. It's honestly almost comical.
As far as the book deal thing... Don't get me wrong. If a publisher came (which, like I said before, I don't think will ever happen, but it's nice to dream) and said, here's your advance, we wanna publish you, shut down the blog. I would do it. No offense to you guys, but money is something I need. However, I wouldn't shut down the blog in the off chance that I MAY be able to get a book deal.
The crib recall- Our crib was recalled once for the drop side. We were sent the part to replace it. However, this has to do with the support rails under the bed. And from what I hear, my cribs company went out of business, so they aren't offering a refund or anything. Walmart said if we bring in the numbers, they can look it up, make sure it's recalled, and give us a refund. But I dunno, walmart can be such dicks about things, I fully expect them to come up with some reason they can't refund the money. We've looked at that toddler bed set. We were planning on getting it for Cayden for his birthday, but I guess it may be earlier.
And Fenhu- I haven't tried the cucumbers yet. We went to the store the other day and I totally forgot to get some. I do want to try it though, it at least sounds good, even if it doesn't work, lol.
and Nic- I especially hate it when friends don't understand things. I had a friend get mad at me because my baby shower was "too far" from her house, and she wanted me to cancel it, and reschedule it at a location closer to her.
Laura -
I don't know if you ever saw it, but I left a comment last week that maybe you can add a Google AdSense thing to your blog, which I *think* would pay you every time someone visited your blog. Then you can keep writing if and when you want, get paid for doing so, and not shut down your blog to do so. (I agree - the ones I've seen shut down weren't that good)
Happy birthday to your hubby!
I guess it would be healthy to bitch. I usually hold everything in. So lets see if I can get it out here.......im 6 months pregnant this is my 3rd pregnancy 4th kid (twins). at my last check up we discover I have a std. My husbands been cheating on me without using protection. then he says its my fault I didnt get a abortion when he asked me to. I just couldnt u know. I have a good job im young but my kids are 10 and 5 so its not like I have alot pf babies running around. I thoughg getting a abortion would be selfish. He says hes not sorry. I feel lost. My whole future is uncertain. Im scared im lonely. And at 27 i feel like im drowning and I have no one to help me. I kinda hate the world right now. U guys r the first people ive told....... Didnt really make me feel better though.
Oh, Natalie, I'm so sorry!! Is the baby ok?
Can I ask which blog closed up shop to go after a book deal? Utopia quit for other reasons and Karen Chronicles said she was looking for a book deal, but she's still posting.
Also, I was wondering if you're going to modify the schedule under the blog laws?
Baby is fine. I started having contractions from stress im guessing. So now im on bedrest. I dont really talk to the husband. Everytime he does come in the house he just tells me im making myself sick. I am faking and how I should clean the house cause my mom doesnt know how. Calls me lazy. He reminds me of a child making fun of someone on the playground. I dont know him anymore. Hes so angry but I didnt do anything wrong. Im confused.
Anon 1- Thanks! I did see your thing and meant to respond, but I'm getting so horrible at responding to emails and comments lately. I've been promising myself to do better. Anyway, I did ad sense, and it wasn't really worth it. I had it up for a couple months and I don't even think I hit the 5 cent mark, and I believe you have to have a certain amount (I want to say 100 bucks but I'm not sure) before they even send you a check. But I honestly appreciate any suggestions on how to make money. We need it, lol.
Natalie- I'm so sorry for your situation. Is there any way you can leave? Your husband sounds like a grade a jackass. Please know that in some states/cities, if he knowingly had an STD and didn't tell you, it's considered assault and you can press charges.
Anon 2- It's one of the blogs on the blog list. Honestly I don't really keep up with too many blogs anymore, so I hadn't been reading, but one day when I was feeling better and bored, I checked it out, and I dunno, the whole book deal thing ticks me off. And even though Karen's still posting, the schedule is even wonkier than it was before (though I suppose I'm not one to complain about scheduling, huh?) and she took down the archives, so anyone who's new can't catch up.
I wasn't going to change the blog laws, but since you're the second person to mention it (or maybe you just mentioned it twice) I guess it was bugging people, so I did. Honestly though, it wasn't at the top of my list.
Im not with him. I would never do that to myself. Or my daughter. She needs a role model with self respect. Thats my job. He left the day I found out.
The first trimester is the shits!!! I honestly think I wasn't an exhausted psychopath for two months of my pregnancy! Hopefully this nausea and exhaustion will subside quickly for you.
I am TOTALLY with you on the blogs to book thing! (I think Utopia would've made a better Lifetime movie than book, though.) For an average person that enjoys writing as a hobby to get a book deal is almost unheard of. I have an aquaintance that has actually had some romance novels published, and it took her almost 15 years to get a deal! It's just not as simple as writing a story. I've toyed around with writing something, and I typically give up because it seems so far fetched. :)
Anyway, hope things get better soon! Oh! You should totally make those t-shirts up and sell them - plenty of pregant women all over the world feel the same way! ;)
mamamia
To Nat:
Im so sorry, it amazes me what some ppl say and how they have the "right' to say these things. my bf was preg. with thier second after losing several babies, they had tried and tried for them. then one day hubby walked in, packed up and left. he had been cheating with 6 different women thier whole marrige. she almost lost the baby due to stress. it was a shocker!!
i hope things work out for the best, take care:)
Natalie- I will be praying for you!
I am probably not going to be the most popular person here after this but here goes anyway.
Have you tried talking to your dr. about how you feel? It just seems to me like maybe your hormones are more out of wack than they should be and maybe he/she could help with that. This is the most important time of your life, you already have a miracle-Cayden-and now you are being blessed with another one. I understand sometimes being crabby but from the way you are talking it is 24/7 and that can't be healthy for you, the baby, Cayden or hubby!! Tell him Happy Birthday but the way. And yes I have had 2 of my own so I DO understand hormones.
As far as the books, a couple of the blogs that I read are trying to get books deals out of them and I just look at it this way, they are doing this for free so if they take it down for a couple of weeks to try to get a deal it is no different than if they went on vacation or the computer crashed or a number of things. Yes, I do miss them but they will return and if they don't then oh well. And yes this one would make a good book too so if it goes down there really is nothing we can do about it. Is it aggravating, yes. Maybe the blog is their way of finding out if other people think it is good before investing money in a book deal.
Well anyway, another side of the coin to look at.
Laura, Happy Birthday to hubby, and I think your bitchiness is normal (you could check with your doc, but I don't think there'd be anything he/she could do anyway) just warn people like was suggested. And don't be so hard on yourself, as someone else said gratitude has nothing to do with feeling the way you are. You can be a bitch and still be grateful lol. The blogs turned book deals. There is only one I read that has gone down for a potential book deal. The author explained it (copyright laws) and I'd buy the book if she makes it. I miss the blog but am excited for the author. And Laura I do think this blog is that good. Publishing may be a whole other matter though.
Natalie, I'm glad to hear you're not with this jerk anymore. His pushing blame on you because deep down he knows he's a jerk, but instead of acknowledging that he is turning those feelings into anger at you. (I have a hubby that does that, doesn't cheat but blames me for like everything). So anyway if he doesn't have anything nice to say to you, tell him you don't want to see him at all. Arrange for a family member to deal with him when he wants to see the kids. And I too keep my feelings inside. One thing I want to start to do is start writing in a journal. I've been afraid to because my husband has no respect for personal space and would read it if he found it and not even think it was wrong to do so. But I know I need an outlet so I'll take my chances and if he reads it, it's his own fault if he gets hurt by what I write. Anyway didn't mean to preach so to speak, but please feel free to vent on here. I'm pretty sure Laura won't mind if you do.
It seems to me that Laura, while a fantastic writer, always needs to be in the spotlight - always wallowing in self-pity, always complaining, always playing the victim! Pull yourself together already!
Kidz- I'm not worried that something is wrong. I do appreciate the concern though. It's not like I'm running around so angry and wanting to punch people. It's just little things are annoying me.
To the last anon- You're entitled to your opinion. I think though if I wanted to be in the spotlight all the time, I wouldn't encourage new blog writers to start a blog. Or feature them on my blog. Just like you are entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine. I think it's stupid to take your blog down to try to get it published. I think most of the time? It's not going to happen. And I think honestly anyone's best bet of actually getting published? Is to leave the blog up and wait for a publisher to come see it. But again, that's just me.
As for the wallowing in self pity thing and always playing the victim, I don't think either of those are true. Yes, things have been rough lately, but I know things can always be worse. If I was playing the victim I wouldn't say that I'm annoyed with my own complaining, I would state that I have ever right to complain, because poor me, bad shit always happens.
But, you know, if you're so annoyed by it, you don't have to read. Or if you like the blog and don't want to read about my life, you could just skip the real life posts. They're usually up every wednesday.
an p.s Again, if I wanted to be in the spotlight, I'd probably be ripping my blog down to jump on the bandwagon and go off in search of that publisher. But I'm not. Know why? Because I still think it's stupid to do so.
Laura, I was that last anonymous, and pretty pissed off myself when I wrote. But I fully agree with what you wrote about the blogs wanting to get published. And I sure as hell know that a rant doesn't take much time to write. The person who compared that to storywriting is stupid, IMHO. However, I do think you complain too much. I don't think it's healthy to complain that much. But it's none of my business and I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish you all the best, I love your blog and I'm grateful you take the time to share your talent with us.
Like I said, we're all entitled to our opinions. And as I said before, I realize lately I am complaining a lot more than usual. But again, I feel like I've been dealing with one blow after another for awhile now, and I'm just ready to catch a break. I know some people may take that as me saying my life is SO horrible. I'm not trying too. Again, as bad as it gets, I know there's ALWAYS someone out there with worse, and I know that it can get worse.
But also know that I also don't tell you guys EVERYTHING that's going on. What I rant about might seem petty to you, but it's just another stone in my shoe. Some of them are little, and annoying, but I am dealing with some much bigger issues. It's also disappointing to plan and think "hey, we're comfortable. Hubby's got a job that pays well, he's got good insurance, everything is good." only to have all that thrown down the toilet. It's not even that it's not the BEST time to have a child. It's happening at a time where I'm wondering how I can honestly afford to feed the child I have and pay rent, let alone add another one to the mix, along with hospital bills and everything a newborn needs. And it's especially hard when we think, hey, we've got a handle on this, only to have something else thrown in to the mix.
Again, I vent here because I don't have anywhere else to go. And as unhealthy as you might think it is to complain this much, I think it's unhealthy to hold it in. But honestly, I guess that's just what I'm going to do now. I really don't want to hear anyone else rag on me (even though you are entitled to your opinion) and the only way to stop that is to just stop the info train.
Again, I hope I didn't come across as ragging on you. I do think you're entitled to whatever you think. But since I think that way, and I don't really want to hear what anyone else thinks, I'm just going to stop posting about life.
Now I'm getting ready to go to the zoo and see the new polar bear exhibit because I finally feel well enough to take Cayden outside. Maybe next week will just be pictures. Nobody has a problem with pictures, right? ;-)
Macyn is the blog that was temporarily shutdown. I have a friend who is a published author, and she asked me to get the blog in bookform, and she said she would read it to see if it I should submit it to publishers. Prior to that conversation with her, I had no ambition in trying to have something published. I was writing for fun, but after my talk with her, I thought it wouldn't hurt to edit the blog, put it in book format, and go from there. I still don't think I'll get published, but you know what, at least I'm going after a dream, whereas all some can do is complain. If everyone who is complaining had read the post correctly, you would see that I didn't shut the blog down in search of a book deal. I temporarily suspended posts so I could re-write to submit to an author for review. I admit that my choosing to temporarily suspend came suddenly, but the conversation happened out of the blue, and that is the reason there was no advance notice.
Laura, I never criticize you for your rants and choices, and I think it was terrible that you chose to bitch about my suspending the blog. Those comments are things that should have been addressed to me and any other blog author who has hopes and dreams of publishing.
I'm not being disrespectful to anyone, but everyone is supportive of the blog authors until they miss a scheduled post.
...this is your blog, so it's your forum to make it whatever you want. I don't mind the bitching at all, I totally agree with you that it's the best way to get it out. Plus I, like alot of your readers, am concerned and interested in what goes on with your life so it's nice to hear about, good or bad nothing is perfect.
I personally think someone's blog is theirs to do whatever they want with. Take it down or pause it if you think it's good enough for a book deal. Really I think quality has nothing to do with book deals (singers, actors anything like that) but more to do with timing and who you know. I've read books that are worse then alot of these blogs, but I'm sure the authors never got rich off them.
First of all, you did shut down the blog. It may be temporary, and I never said it was permanent, but the fact of the matter is? Right now, it's shut down.
Secondly, do you really honestly expect me to email you and every other blog person who has chose to shut down, suspend, take down posts, whatever in search of a book deal and tell them I think it's stupid? Really? Why would I do that? It was an opinion I came too, and I shared it in the forum where I usually share my opinions. It's not like I hid it, not like I talked shit behind anyone's back, I just said what I had to say. It's not like I was telling everyone that their opinion needed to be like mine, I asked everyone what their opinion was. I don't see you dogging anyone else for agreeing with me. Should they have wrote you too? I don't think so. I don't email the President every time I think he makes a mistake. Emailing you just didn't cross my mind. I just don't care that much. Observation and opinion only, and if you don't like it, I'm sorry, but it is my opinion, and I'm sticking too it.
And that low blow about me complaining all the time? Is fine. Because if you had read what I wrote, I admitted that I could just be jealous that I didn't think my blog was good enough, or maybe that I lacked the ambition to do anything.
But again, my opinions are mine. I will continue to have them. I will continue to share them in this forum. If you happen to disagree with them, I'm sorry. But I still stand by what I think.
I don't even really care about the missed post, because honestly I don't even really read your blog anymore. And that's not meant to be an insult, I don't really keep up with ANYONE'S blog anymore, (some would say not even my own) But I did check a few days ago, and I saw you had taken it down to be published. And again, you aren't the first, second, or even third author I've read to do that, so please, don't think it's all about you. I also didn't email any of those authors, just in case you're wondering. They probably think I'm a jealous idiot too, and that's fine.
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