Drew: You go your way, I go mine But I'll see you next time

I had both worried and looked forward to this trip, all at the same time. Worried, for the obvious reasons. It had gotten better between Ella and I, but things were still strained, and it was still hard to see her with Seth. I looked forward to it because things with my Mom had become impossible. She had gone on for weeks, emailing me and calling and bugging me about wedding details. Each time ended in a fight, and finally I told her – I just wanted it to go back to the way it was. When she was self absorbed and drowning in her own grief, too busy to pretend to care about me.

Since then, nothing. I had thought that that was what I wanted… Now I wasn’t so sure. I guess all along I wanted a normal Mom, and my Mom just couldn’t be that. Either she was wallowing in self pity and ignoring me, or trying to hard to be some sort of Betty Crocker-Martha Stewart Super Mom love child.

My Dad had taken the news of my Mom getting remarried surprisingly well. I think he needed it, actually. It seemed to give him permission in a way to move on. He had started going out again, first with some guys to work… Nothing major, bars to watch a game and have a few drinks, fishing trips… He had asked me to come home for a weekend to go on this camping trip with him. I was glad he was moving on, finally, but again, it brought more anger and resentment to my Mom. It didn’t seem fair that for years my Dad had struggled to hold the family together, and Mom just woke up one day and decided to be happy. He had struggled with her leaving, struggled with selling the house, struggled with everything. And she finds someone and gets married. Dad finally had some friends, but Mom… Mom had a whole new life. It didn’t seem fair, considering she was the one who had wrecked everything.

I was also kind of dreading this trip because I had a feeling it was a make or break moment for Christi and I. I could feel something was missing, and I knew she could too. We still had fun together, but the spark… Well, it was dying out. I knew after this weekend, if nothing major happened, we would be having the talk when we got back. And again, I resented that. It was the same situation with my Mom… Ella had messed up. Ella had hurt me. Sure, I had been the one to leave, but I didn’t really have any other choice after what had happened. But Ella was the one that was happy. It should have been the other way around.

I had other reasons to resent Ella too. I was trying hard not too, I knew it wouldn’t do any good, it wouldn’t fix anything, it wouldn’t make me feel better. But I hated the fact that she and Jason seemed so chummy again. How could she forgive him so easily? He had done a lot more hurt and damage to her then I ever had, and yet, she was over it. They went back to normal.

Maybe my problem was that I wasn’t really sure I wanted normal with Ella. Maybe Jason got her back because he would take whatever he could get for her, and I wasn’t willing to accept less than everything. It was all or nothing with me. But, like my Mom, I just couldn’t decide what I wanted from Ella: All, or nothing.

Despite everything I had to brood over, I promised myself that I was going to have a good time during this trip. I had been in a funk for months, and I knew I had to get out of it. It wasn’t doing me any good.

We had picked a gorgeous couple of days to go, and even though it was barely spring, the temperature was well into the 80’s, which was nice. The girls broke out the swim suits, even Chloe. At first she was a little self conscious of her pale skin and scars, but the girls prodded her and eventually they were all running around, screaming at the temperature of the lake water. The rest of the guys and I didn’t think to pack swimsuits… But, we did have shorts, which was good enough. We spent the day terrorizing the girls… Dripping water on them while they were sunbathing, and throwing them into the lake. At first we were more careful with Chloe, but after Seth picked her up and tossed her in, we thought of her as fair game.

We took a break, eating a picnic lunch and talking about what we wanted to do that night.

“I think we should have a slumber party.” Chloe suggested.

“Yeah, we can all camp out in one room and play a bunch of slumber party games.” Ella chimed in, the excitement clear in her voice.

“Oooh, and we can do hair and nails and call ALL the cute boys.” Matt joked, his voice high pitched. Chloe smacked his arm.

“Yeah, we’ll HAVE to call them, because no cute boys will be at the party.” Chloe said back, shooting Matt a look.

“I think it could be fun.” I said. Everyone looked at me. “As long as we don’t play twister.” I added, winking at Ella.

Everyone looked to Ella to find out what that meant. She shot me a look I couldn’t decipher. Was she pissed that I had brought up the past? Or did she take it as a peace offering?

“I think it’ll be awesome. We’ll eat junk food, watch movies, do all the slumber party games, and maybe even give the boys a makeover.” Christi said, smirking.

“Then it’s decided.” Seth said, standing and shaking grass off of himself. “Who wants to go into town with me and pick up supplies?”

Christi volunteered, and for a second, I thought I should go too, but I wanted to stay, swim some more. It had been such a long winter, and the sun felt good on my back. I was surprised when Ella didn’t offer to go either. She just stood, pecked Seth on the cheek, and went and headed for the dock.

Matt and Chloe ended up going off shortly after Seth and Christi left. I meant to get up too, head back to the house where I wouldn’t be alone with Ella. Even though I was willing to work on things… Well, I still didn’t want to be alone with her. That was just too much too soon. However, I was frozen in the sun, dozing like a fat cat on a windowsill.

I was almost asleep when I heard a cry and bolted upright. I had partially forgotten where I was, so it took me a second to get my bearings. I scanned the lake and the dock, which were now empty. Then I saw her… Ella was crouched in the grass a few dozen yards ahead of me. She must have been headed back towards the house. I got up and jogged towards her.

“What’s wrong?” I called.

She looked up, startled, and then seemed a little angry that it was me.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” She said, attempting to stand. She winced in pain, and crumpled back to the ground. “Fuck!” She yelled, exasperated. “Why does this crap always happen to me?”

“What happened?” I asked, crouching down next to her and examining her ankle. Like it had been after the twister incident, it was already swelling.

“I was headed to the house to start dinner. I didn’t see this stupid rabbit hole and stepped in it.”

I touched her ankle but jerked my hand away when she winced again.

“You sprained it. You must have the weakest ankles in the world.” I joked.

“Yeah, and the worst luck. Vacation away from friends, and I always wind up hurt. Well, I’ll tell you what, I am NOT spending tonight in some backwoods country ER. I’m fine. A wrap, some ice, I’ll be OK.”

I nodded. “I don’t think it’s broken, and I do think a trip to the ER would be a waste, but you definitely need to stay off of it.”

She waved me off. “I’ll be fine. Go join the others.”

“Who? Christi and Seth are gone, and Matt and Chloe are busy flirting.”

“Yeah.” She said. “They would make a cute couple, right?”

“C’mon. I’ll help you into the house.”

It started off with her trying to use me as a crutch – one arm around my shoulder and trying to put her weight on me. But we were moving so slowly, and it was beginning to hurt having to hunch down like that. I wanted to pick her up, but hesitated. It was hard enough being this close to her… Feeling her body, smelling her hair… Having her totally in my arms? I just didn’t think I could do it.

However, it seemed fate had other plans. It had been sunny most of the afternoon, but I hadn’t noticed that while I was sleeping, the clouds were rolling in. It started sprinkling lightly at first, and Ella picked up her pace, screwing her face into a mask of determination. But then it started pouring, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I scooped her up.

“Drew, put me down, I am NOT a baby.”

“I know Ella.” I said as I broke out into a brisk walk. “But I’m not going to get soaked just so you can keep your pride.”

“Just put me down then and go on inside. I’ll get there.”

“Yeah, and then you’ll die of pneumonia and everyone will blame me. Besides, we’re almost there.” I said as the house came into view.

Of course, as we were right in front of the house, fate stepped in again. Mud had formed, and I wasn’t being careful enough. I slipped, and fell. I landed with an oof and Ella fell right on top of me.

We were both totally still for a moment. I was trying to decide if anything of mine hurt, and then when I realized Ella wasn’t moving, I was worried that she had been hurt worse. Then I realized she was shaking.

“Ella?” I asked. “You OK?”

“Yes.” She managed to squeeze out. I realized she was laughing. At first I was confused, but then I started laughing too. She rolled off me.

“Oh Drewbie. I missed you. This whole thing is so utterly ridiculous… I know I hurt you, and you hurt me… But do you think maybe we can get over it now? I missed you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I froze. I wanted to forgive her… Hell, I wanted to kiss her. I didn’t want to do this all over again, this whole ‘sure I’ll be your friend but secretly be in love with you’ deal.

But I couldn’t say no. So I just nodded.