Even at my worst my best was you

The Barbie twins spent the night. I was too tired to be angry when I stumbled out of bed in the morning to head out shopping with Drew and saw their car was still in the driveway. Matt’s car was gone, so I assumed they accompanied him on his shopping mission. Originally we had planned to go together, but after the spat Matt and I had in the kitchen, I told him he could hit Toys R Us at midnight and then do Wal-Mart after, and I would go to Kohl’s and Target. It meant I would have to use my own money and have the agency reimburse me, since Matt would take the agency credit card, but I didn’t care. Spending my own money was better than having to deal with him AND the Barbie Doll twins.

I knew Matt and I would have to have a talk. I didn’t know if this was the real him, and the person I had known before was just an act, or if something had gotten into him, but I wasn’t going to share my house with this type of person. He would need to shape up or get the hell out. I wasn’t looking forward to the conversation, I didn’t really hold my temper well and I didn’t want it to erupt into an argument, but I knew the longer I waited, the worse it would get between us.

Still, I did put it off for the weekend. I wanted to spend time with Drew, and so I decided to try my best to avoid Matt as much as I could.

Friday we spent shopping literally, all day. While I didn’t love to shop, I didn’t hate it either, and I often enjoyed doing it, but I had still never shopped that much in my life. We started at about four AM, we didn’t end until way past that. I was beyond exhausted, in fact, if I had been any more tired by the end of that, I would have been asleep. The combination of fighting the crowds and the walking and the lack of sleep did me in. Still, we got a good deal of shopping knocked out for the agency, and saved them a lot of money, which means more money able to be spent on the kids. And, I happened to also get a good deal of my shopping done. While I obviously couldn’t shop for Drew with him with me, I made a mental note when he eyed something so I could go back later and look at it. I loved Christmas, I loved finding the perfect gift for someone and watching their eyes light up, it sounds cliché, but I really did enjoy giving more than getting.

I was relieved to pull up in the driveway to see that the girl’s car was gone, but I couldn’t explain why I was so upset at the fact that Matt’s car was missing too. I was geared up for a fight, I knew that. I knew I was annoyed, and I knew I was looking to pick an argument with him. I sent a prayer up that Matt would just stay away until Drew left. Drew, of course, had seen me flip out and argue before, but that was different. That was when we were just friends. While I felt really comfortable around Drew, I also didn’t want him to see me at my worst like that. I wanted to be the best possible person I could be for him.

It was a little confusing though, to be with Drew sometimes. First of all, everything was just so easy, and so natural. I know that probably sounds like a good thing, but it left a lot of room for worry and over thinking. I wasn’t used to things being easy, and I know it sounds stupid, but I wasn’t really sure what to do if I wasn’t arguing and worrying over what was going on. When we were together, it was easy. When we were apart, my mind wandered. Could this be too good to be true? Would it be this good forever?

We did spend the rest of the weekend drama free. Matt popped in and out, but really didn’t talk to me, and I didn’t speak to him either. Drew and I spent the weekend lounging around, not going anywhere, just spending time with each other, cuddling on the couch, kissing, laughing. Again, it was a nice change of pace, for everything to be so easy. I didn’t have to think about what I said before I said it. Jason had been so… Sensitive, that I couldn’t really ever be sure what would set him off. And Jacob… Well. Drew actually reminded me of how it was with Jacob, at least when things were going good. But, Jacob had his moods, and while my relationship with him had been good until the end, it had been filled with drama.

I was really sad when Sunday came, all too soon of course. Drew had a work thing the next weekend, and the weekend after that, Jason would be in town.

We stood outside his car, kind of like we had the weekend before. His arms were around my waist, I laid my head against his chest, breathing him in.

“Don’t go.” I whined.

“I don’t want too.” He said simply.

“So don’t. Move in.” I was only half joking.

I heard him chuckle. “Are you serious?”

I looked up at him. I didn’t know if there was hope in his eyes.

“Kind of.” I said, shrugging. This was another hard part of our relationship. Drew and I knew each other already, but I could never tell if our relationship was moving too fast. I mean we had only technically been dating a week, which was obviously too soon to move in together. But again, Drew and I had also known each other for a long time.

“You don’t think that’s a little too soon?”

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly. “I just know it sucks having you so far away.”

“I know. I don’t like being that far from you either. But, I just… Don’t want to ruin this, you know?”

“I know.” I answered, laying my head back down on his chest. I knew he was right, but I was still sad.

“Hey.” He said, lifting my chin with his finger. “It wasn’t a no to moving down here. And it wasn’t a no to moving in. I don’t think moving down here is such a bad idea. My Dad’s gotten over the shock of the divorce and is going out again, and Mom… She’s living it up too. There’s really nothing keeping me there, and there’s everything here. But, I think first things first. I move here, not in with you. We’ll see how that goes and then we can look at maybe taking other step. I just think it’s easy for us to move really quickly, but again, I’m afraid if we do, we’ll wreck this. And I want this, Ella. I want you.”

Do you see what I mean by things being easy? He knew exactly what I was thinking. He knew exactly what to say. And I believed him. Drew could tell me the sky was green, and I would believe him.

I nodded. “So… You’re really going to move here?” I said, smiling.

He smiled back. “I only signed a six month lease. So. It’ll be up in a couple months, which gives me time to find a new place and a new job here. If I happen to find a new job here first and have to move in with you for a couple weeks, I think that would be OK, don’t you think?”

“Sounds perfect!” I said, pulling away from him.

“Hey, where you going?” He said laughing and pulling him back to me.

“I need to get the want ads!”

“You need to talk to Matt about it first too, Ella. Make sure he’s OK with me staying here for a couple weeks, if it comes to that.”

“It’s my house.” I said, becoming annoyed.

“I know.” His voice soothing ruffled feathers. “But, you asked him to move in first. He has to live there too, and I just think it’s only fair to ask him if he’s OK.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what he thinks.” I grumbled.

“Ella. Play nice.” He warned.

I didn’t say anything.

“Ella…”

“Drew, just don’t push this one, OK? I’ll handle it. I’ll be as nice as I can be. But, the fact of the matter is, Matt is acting like an asshole. And I’m not going to ‘play nice’ with someone who treats me like crap.” I snapped.

I watched his face freeze. It was pretty much the closest we got to an argument since we started dating. I wondered if he was thinking what I was thinking, that I had played nice with Jason, who treated me like crap for too long. I wondered how often he thought of Jason, if he wondered how much Jason crossed my mind. I wondered if Jason was always going to be between us, if we would ever talk about him, if I should tell Drew what had happened between us.

“I should go.” He finally spoke, licking his lips.

“Don’t, Drew. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap, it’s just…”

“No.” He cut me off. “You’re right about Matt. Maybe he does need a kick in his ass. I do appreciate you not fighting with him while I’m here though. But, I just need to go. I don’t want to, but if I don’t leave now it’ll be really late before I get back and I have to make up some hours early with Dad.”

I nodded sadly. He had already pushed back his leaving time, I knew I couldn’t make him wait any longer.

We kissed goodbye, and while my heart was sad, I tried to comfort myself with the fact that in a few months, Drew and I would be able to see each other whenever we wanted. I decided to go inside, wrap gifts, and then head online to try to get a few job tips for Drew. I didn’t know if he’d want to continue to do landscaping or maybe try something else. Landscaping gave him a really nice body, but it was something he did because his father wanted him too.

I was happy to walk into an empty house. Matt had disappeared with Amber a few hours ago, and I was glad to have the house to myself. I had planned on holing up in my bedroom so I wouldn’t have to see Matt. Again, I knew I would have to talk to him eventually, but. Not tonight.

I let Cumulus out and spread out my wrapping supplies on the living room coffee table. I knew I was starting early, but with everything I had to do with the agency to get ready for Christmas, I really needed to stay on top of my own stuff or it wouldn’t get done.

I had just finished wrapping one gift when I heard Matt walk in. Great. I strained my ear, trying to hear if he brought Amber home with him. I still couldn’t figure out if I liked her or not, but something about her did rub me the wrong way, and I couldn’t put my finger on why.

She wasn’t with him. I didn’t know if I should be relieved because I wouldn’t have to deal with her, or upset because now I had to deal with him. I decided I couldn’t live like this, loathing being in my own house. I decided to bite the bullet.

“Matt!” I yelled.

“Yeah?” He answered, popping his head into the room. It was the longest conversation we had had in days.

“I think you and I need to talk.”

“OK.” He said, walking in and plopping down on the couch. “What’s up?”

“What is your problem lately?”