FB: Now I'm not one to worry but I've got a real bad feeling this time.

When Michelle caught my eye, I became frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t look away, I couldn’t even blink. I just stood there, standing, with my mouth slightly ajar. I’m sure it was a great look for me.

Jacob saw the look on my face. “Ella, what’s wrong…” He started, following my gaze. He stopped when he spotted Michelle. “Oh…” He finished, raising his hand to weakly wave at her.

I wasn’t sure what I expected. A scene, I guess. I expected Michelle to come over and tell both of us off, to beg for Jacob back, to shoot me a dirty look, to give me the finger, to shout something… I expected her to do SOMETHING. Instead, she just looked at Jacob with the saddest look I’ve ever seen. She was shaking her head slightly as she turned to walk away, and I could be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure her eyes were filled with tears. And for the first time ever, I felt badly for Michelle.

“Ella…” Jacob finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think she’d be here.” He reached for me, to give me a hug, but I dodged him. I didn’t want to be touched. All I could think about was Jason, and how I felt when I saw him with Kayla. At least I was still able to be friends with him. While I realized it was Michelle’s fault for placing the ultimatum on Jacob, I could imagine how much it had to of hurt. To see that hurt written all over Michelle’s face… Well, it just made it all too real for me, and I felt guilty.

“You didn’t think she’d be here? So there was part of you that knew there was a chance?” I asked, not looking at him.

“Well... Yeah. I mean, we used to come here a lot.”

“So… That’s what your Mom was fighting with you about? She knew too?”

“She brought it up…” Jacob said. I snuck a look at him. He was looking at the ground, scuffing his toe. He looked like a little boy who was about to be scolded. I sighed.

“Why’d you take that chance then Jacob? That wasn’t fair to me, you should have at least warned me.”

“I didn’t think she’d be here! She always complained about it when we came, said we were here all the time and it was boring. I thought she just put up with it for me. I love this place. That’s why I wanted to share it with you.”

“Yeah. Well. That’s why she came here Jacob. Because she knows you love it. She wanted to be close to you.”

“She didn’t know I’d be here.” He said, looking confused.

“It didn’t matter. She wanted to be somewhere where she could remember…” I looked at Jacob, and it was clear he didn’t understand what I meant. “Nevermind.” I said, waving him off. “It’s a girl thing, I guess.”

“You wanna just go home?” He asked.

I nodded. I wasn’t in the mood for this anymore, and I wasn’t sure if Michelle would leave or not. She was sad now, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t come back angry. I was glad that I was leaving tomorrow, glad that I wouldn’t have to worry about any more run ins with Michelle for awhile.

The car ride back to Jacob’s house was quiet. I was a little angry, but I didn’t know where to place my anger. While Jacob could be accused of being insensitive or careless, I don’t think he really thought Michelle would be there. I couldn’t be angry at him for something that was essentially an accident. But, I was still upset. And, I still felt bad and a little guilty after seeing Michelle. I hated that. I didn’t want to feel bad for her.

When we walked into the house, Jacob’s Mom was in the living room. I eyed the glass in her hand. It was a clear liquid, and could have been water, but she jumped a mile high when we walked in.

“What are you guys doing home?” She asked, looking a little embarrassed.

“We bumped into Michelle.” Jacob explained, running a hand over his face.

Sandy pursed her lips like she was trying to stop an ‘I told you so’ from escaping.

“Was it bad?” She asked, walking into the kitchen with her glass. I watched her dump it down the sink.

“No. Not really.” Jacob said, just as I was about to say that it had been horrible.

“What’d she do?” Sandy asked, coming back into the room with a diet coke.

“She just… Left.” Jacob said.

“Oh. Well. Maybe she’s ready to let go?” Sandy asked, popping the top.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. She just looked… Really sad.”

“Maybe you should talk to her Jake?” Sandy suggested.

“For what?” Jacob asked, walking into the kitchen himself. He came back with two cokes, tossed one to me, and plopped down in a chair next to his Mom.

“I think your Mom could be right Jacob. I mean she did look hurt. Maybe you should talk to her and just tell her… I don’t know? That you guys can still be friends if she wants?” I suggested. I hated that, I thought Michelle was an attention seeking whore. But I do think she had some serious issues, and needed all the friends she could get.

“No way. She pressed me to choose, and I did. It was her decision to leave. If she wants to come back, that’s fine. But, she’s the one who needs to come to me. And I think she owes both of us a big apology.”

“Jacob you could be the bigger person.” Sandy lectured.

“No. I’ve been the bigger person throughout our whole friendship. Ella’s right, we’ve all bailed Michelle out countless times. How’s she going to learn that she can’t treat people like this? If she wants to come back, I’m willing to let her back. It’s not like I’m holding a grudge. I just don’t think it’s too much to ask that she takes the first step.”

“Jacob…”

“Mom. Just stop pushing, OK?” Jacob said. It was the first time I’ve ever heard him even slightly annoyed at his Mom. The room got quiet, and things felt awkward.

“I’m just gonna go to bed. We should leave pretty early tomorrow.” I said, heading towards Jacob’s room.

“Alright. Do you want a wake up call? I wanted to take you guys out to breakfast before you left.” Sandy asked.

“Sure. I would like to be on the road by nine at the latest. So. Eight for breakfast?”

“Sounds good. See you in the morning.” Sandy called.

I was surprised when I headed to Jacob’s room and he didn’t follow. I heard, again, them start to argue in hushed tones and rolled my eyes. I loved Sandy, and even thought she was right, and that Jacob should talk to Michelle, but I did think she needed to stop pushing him to do something he didn’t want to do.

I slipped into the sheets and was still awake when Jacob came in, an hour later. He gently slipped into bed, and was snoring five minutes later. As hard as I tried, however, I couldn’t fall asleep. I tossed and turned, but I couldn’t get Michelle off my mind. It made me angry, I was doing what I told everyone else not too, making excuses for her and trying to cut her a break.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I must have, because the next thing I knew, Sandy was popping her head in to Jacob’s room and telling us it was time to get up. I was glad that we had packed the morning before, I was so tired my brain wasn’t functioning.

We went to breakfast, and things were strained. You could tell whatever they had been arguing about the night before when I went to bed hadn’t been resolved. Sandy would try to talk to Jacob, but he would ignore her as best as possible, keeping his answers short and to the point. Sandy looked hurt, and a little frustrated, and I just felt awkward and was glad when it was time to leave.

With a quick hug from Sandy and promises to come visit soon, even if Jacob wasn’t home, we were on the road. I was thankful that Jacob offered to drive so that I could snooze in the front seat.

“Can you believe my Mom?” Jacob started as I laid back.

“Jacob she’s just being… A mom. She’s worried about Michelle.” I said, flipping on my side away from him, hoping he would get the hint that I wanted to nap.

“Are you saying you agree with her?” He asked in disbelief. “She’s not Michelle’s Mom, she’s mine. Shouldn’t she be on my side?”

I sighed. “I agree with her that you should talk to Michelle. But, I don’t think she should be pushing you so hard. And I think she is trying to be on your side. I’ve lost friends before, by fighting with them, or just by getting out of touch. I regret some of them. I think she’s trying to protect you from that. I think she thinks that if you don’t even try to talk to Michelle, down the line you’ll wish you had.”

“I won’t. Michelle made her choice. And as I said before, if she wants to come back, I have no problem letting her. But SHE needs to come to ME.” His tone was firm.

“Jacob… I’m not trying to argue with you.”

“I just don’t get it Ella. You were the one who didn’t like her, and now you’re all, ‘poor Michelle, you should talk to her.’”

“I just feel guilty, OK? I don’t like that I’m the reason she’s not around anymore. I saw how hurt she was, and I don’t like that I caused anyone that amount of pain. I have a best friend, who I was once in love with. He’s with another girl right now. I know all the feelings that come with that. I can just put myself in her shoes, is all.”

“Ella, you don’t have any reason to feel guilty. She’s the reason she’s not around anymore. She’s the reason she’s feeling hurt. Everything that she’s feeling? It’s her own fault. She’s the one who forced me to choose, she didn’t have to do that. And because she did, she’s the one who lost out. You were telling me before all this happened that we needed to hold her responsible for her own actions. That’s what I’m trying to do. I love the fact that you feel guilty, it just shows what a good person you are. But you have no reason too. You didn’t cause this, you didn’t make it happen. She did. And now she has to deal with the consequences.” He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I nodded, and smiled.
I still felt guilty.