I want you to want me

The short work week went by a little faster, helped by the fact that we were so busy. We had a short staff meeting on Tuesday, where job’s for Friday’s dinner were assigned. I was assigned a new task, along with Matt. Each year we voted on how we were going to celebrate the holidays. The agency allotted a certain amount of money per person, and we decided if we wanted bonuses, a party, ect. This year, with the economy being so tight, we decided to adopt a family in our neighborhood and use that money to buy them groceries and gifts for the kids. Mama Rivers had asked in staff meeting if anyone wanted to go shopping early on Friday, trying to snag some good deals to try to stretch our money. As soon as she said that whoever went that morning got to skip the Thanksgiving dinner, my hand flew up. And Matt’s followed.

It’s not that I didn’t like Thanksgiving meal we provided, I knew it helped out a lot of people, but I always got stuck with the crappy jobs. If I could do something else and skip it all together, well. That would work for me. I would also get to spend some more time with Drew. Even though he had volunteered to come help out as well with the dinner on Friday, this way he could just go shopping with Matt and I. Hell, maybe we could split up and get the job done faster.

When the meeting was over, Matt and I grabbed two leftover lunches from the kitchen, and headed upstairs to spend our lunch break pouring over black Friday ads.

“So.” I asked, munching down on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Any new developments with Kellie?”

Matt sighed, booting up the computer so we could search online.

“She wants me to come home for Thanksgiving. She says we can talk. I told her that talking won’t help, that I’m really done, and she agrees with me, says she just wants to work on being friends. She says I’ve been such a big part of her life for so long, she can’t her life without me in it in some way, shape, or form. When I told her about the dinner, she offered to come up here. That’s like, huge for her.” He said, running a hand through his hair. “She’s obsessed with her family, never spent a holiday away from them, so. It’s a pretty big deal.”

“Are you going to let her?” I asked. I suddenly felt jealous and angry. It didn’t make any sense, but I didn’t want to have to welcome Kellie into my parent’s home for Thanksgiving, yet if she did come, it’s not like I could uninvited Matt, or just invite him.

“I mean I told her it was dumb to drive all the way up here for one day. Then she said she’d stay the next day to help with the dinner. She basically told me that no was not an option. What am I supposed to do?”

I shrugged, trying to hide my irritation. I tried to calm myself down, to tell myself that it was good for Matt to have someone to entertain him at Mom and Dad’s, and we would have a fourth person to help us shop. Still, my feathers were ruffled, and I couldn’t figure out why. It’s not like I thought Kellie was a bad person, or that she needed to stay away from Matt for his own good. I didn’t really know her, hadn’t even met her. Then I realized, the only reason for me to be upset was because I was jealous. Which was stupid! I had Drew, Matt wasn’t even dating Kellie anymore, and even if he was going to get back together with her, so what? I didn’t need every guy in my life to want me like that. If anything, it would be a lot easier on me if they didn’t.

“I mean we’ll skip your parents, Ella. I don’t want to invite myself and a guest somewhere.” He said, a worried look on his face.

“No, no. Matt it’s fine.” I said, smiling. Relief washed over his face. “We always have WAY too much food, and my parents already know that I invited the whole office, so trust me, they’ll make room. But just… Be careful with Kellie, OK?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, turning back to the computer to look through Toys R Us’ ad.

“I just mean, as a girl who has dated a few of her guy friends… It’s really hard, if not impossible to go back to friends mode. I mean, maybe after some time has passed, but this quickly? No. I think Kellie might be trying to show you that she’s willing to compromise, to leave her family and come be with you. And if that’s the only reason you two broke up, then great! But, if you’re really done with her in a girlfriend way? Just be careful. She’ll start to take any sign of friendship as flirting and then get back on this ‘we’re going to get back together’ kick, and it could blow up in your face.”

“So you don’t think you can go back to being friends with a person after you’ve dated them?” He asked, turning to look at me. I suddenly felt nervous under his intense eyes.

“It depends. If you honestly mutually decide to break up, then yeah, you could stay friends. But if not? One person is always wanting the other person back. So it’s hard, and it takes time.”

“And you’re willing to do that to your friendship with Drew?”

“Yup.” I answered.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” I asked, laughing a little.

“I mean, from what you’re saying, if you break up, if it’s not mutual, you lose him all together. Why would you risk that?”

“Because. I don’t ever see myself breaking up with Drew.” I said, simply.

I was surprised at the look of anger that flashed across Matt’s face. But, as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared, and Matt flicked his intense eyes back to the computer screen. However, for the rest of the time up in the computer room, Matt didn’t say anything to me. When lunch was over, he handed me a list of deals he had written down, and walked out.

I was glad that Matt had brought his car back with him after his trip to Indiana, it saved us a very awkward ride home together. I decided to skip going straight home, and instead stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things to make for Thanksgiving. Even though my Mom had told me it was all taken care of, I knew anything extra would be eaten, and I felt in a festive mood. Being festive was often rare for me. I spent so much time at the agency, decorating for one holiday or another, doing holiday craft’s with the kids, doing holiday parties… By the end of it all, I was so over it. After putting up and decorating the six trees we kept at the agency for Christmas, I didn’t want to rush home and put mine up. After cooking food for hundreds of people, I didn’t want to make a side dish for twenty more. So when I did get in the mood to do something festive, I jumped on it. Maybe this year I would actually get my own house decorated for a change!

I came home to an empty house. Matt wasn’t there, but it was obvious he had been at some point because Cumulus had been fed and let out. Still, there was no note, showing that I wasn’t paranoid, that he was mad at me, because Matt always let me know where he was. I sighed, setting down the groceries and throwing Cumulus a treat. Then I rolled up my sleeves, and started to work.

A few hours later, the house smelled fantastic, and I was covered in flour. I felt good, and even went as far as to cook a few extra’s to take into work the next day. I had forgotten about Matt, and was startled when he walked in the door with a strange blonde woman.