I guess the whole point of it all is that we never know really

The next day I was honestly too busy to breathe, let alone think about Jacob, which was probably the best thing that could have happened.

I was excited about starting a new camp season. It really was my favorite job. Sure, it got hot and the kids got annoying, but they pretty much paid me to be outside, playing all day. How could it get any better?

I had been anxious though, about meeting the new staff. Camp could be a lot of fun, if everyone pulled their weight and did their job right. However, a lot of people think that they did get hired JUST to play. And while a lot of our job WAS about playing, it was also work. We were supposed to be the adults, we were supposed to set the rules and make sure the kids followed them, we were supposed to be responsible. Some counselors forgot about that part and only focused on the playing part. That was where things could get tricky.

I usually was pretty good about reading people. Most of the camp staff I was excited to work with. There was Jessica, a gorgeous tiny girl with shiny black hair and perfect dark skin. Her eyes were a deep chocolate and her smile was wide, easy, and white. I could tell she was up for having fun, but was also no nonsense. There was Amanda, who we joked was the token white girl (every year at camp we ALWAYS got someone who was really “white”, your stereotypical “Oh-my-Gawd” valley girl. They were always nice, but usually only lasted one summer. I was the exception. My first year I had been the token white girl, and I had stuck around.

Anyway, Amanda was blonde hair, blue eyed, but pretty average. She came paired with her boyfriend Derrick, who seemed nice enough. His reddish blonde hair reminded me of Jason, and his blue eyes matched Amanda’s. He seemed almost too nice, and I did wonder if they’d be able to keep the kids in line.

Then there was Jeremiah. I found out later that he was Jessica’s brother, but they seemed to be polar opposites, the only thing linking them together was their smile. However, while Jessica’s seemed easy and welcoming, Jeremiah’s seemed sly, like the cat who ate the canary. He should have been good looking, and you could tell he thought he was, but his features just didn’t match. His body was small, and he was short, but muscular. Even though his body was small, his head was slightly still too small for his body. His eyes were set too close together. Just talking to him left a bad taste in my mouth, and I could tell already we would have issues with him.

There was Bethani, a short, slightly chubby girl. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her. She was bubbly, and seemed excited to be there, which was a good thing, but I could also see her eyeing the guys, and I knew a lot of the counselors came looking for summer love, which usually spelled disaster.

There were a few regular staff members who would be back, and Ed had brought two of his friends on board. There was Patrick, who looked kind of like Jesus, a skinny white boy with long brown hair and kind brown eyes. I knew there would be no issue with him, he had worked with kids before, and I trusted Ed’s judgement. Last was a guy who was named Ted. We called him Ed’s twin, because he seriously looked just like Ed, only he was white. It was even more hilarious that his name was Ted, which sounded so much like Ed. They were both huge guys, easy to laugh and joke. I was really excited to work with them.

After the new staff left, I had to stay longer, helping with the accreditation paperwork, and to start roughly planning some activities for camp. I had left my phone on silent so it wouldn’t disrupt the meeting we had earlier, and forgot to turn it back on. I was shocked when I got back to my car and saw that I had seven missed calls from Jacob. Fearing it was an emergency, I didn’t bother to listen to the messages, I just called him back.

“Hello?” He answered, sounding chipper and awake.

“Hey?” I ventured carefully.

“Hey! Where you been, I’ve tried to call you.”

“I had a meeting this morning. I told you that when we talked.”

“We talked?” He sounded confused.

I suddenly was beyond pissed. “You don’t remember?” I said, working to keep my tone even.

“Sorry hon. The boys and I went out last night and I guess I drank too much.”

“Damnit Jacob, that’s the story of your life lately, isn’t it?” I snapped.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Forget about it.” I knew if we got into this right now we’d end up in a really big fight. I was tired and on edge, I didn’t want to deal with it right now.

“No, Ella, tell me.”

I paused. “It’s just, Jacob. Whenever I talk to you lately, you’re drunk. And then the next day you have no idea what we talked about. This morning you bit my head off and I was worried we were breaking up, and now you tell me you don’t remember it at all? It’s really stressful for me.”

“Well it’s been really stressful for me too Ella. I’ve had a lot going on, I’m just trying to blow off some steam is all.”

“I know, but I’m just worried about you.” I answered.

“Nobody else is, so you shouldn’t be either. I’m fine, Ella. Just having some fun, is all.”

“Alright.” I said, still feeling uneasy.

We got off the phone a few minutes later. I was feeling slightly deflated, and also extremely worried. I knew I couldn’t deal with another sleepless night, I was exhausted as it was. I decided to call Jason and get his opinion on the matter.

“Hey El, what’s going on?” He answered.

“Not much… Have you been around Jake lately?”

“We’ve hung out. Why?” He sounded evasive.

“Jason, tell me what’s going on with him?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… Should I be worried?”

“About what Ella?”

“Stop answering my questions with question. Should I be worried about anything? He’s just been acting so weird lately… I mean I know the whole thing with Michelle is affecting him, but he’s just drinking a lot.”

“Ella shouldn’t you be talking to him about this and not me?”

“You’re hiding something. Tell me what.” I couldn’t hide the desperation in my voice.

“Who says I’m hiding anything? This just isn’t my relationship. It’s yours. Why are you talking to me instead of him?” He sounded a little hostile, and a lot annoyed.

“Jason, I’ve tried to talk to him. He tells me not to worry. But I am worried. You’re there, and I need you to tell me. Should I be worried?”

He was quiet, and for a moment, I thought he had hung up. Then he sighed a long, partly disgusted sigh.

“Yeah. If I were you I’d not only be worried, but also pissed off.”

“What does that mean?” I asked, panic gripping my stomach.

“Ella. It’s not my place. And with our history, I should not be getting in the middle of this. But I want you to know, as bad as it got between us, I would have never treated you like this, and you shouldn’t let him either.”

“Jason…”

“Ella, I’m not going to say any more. And if you’re my friend, don’t ask me too. This is an uncomfortable position for me to be in already, OK?”

I was quiet, the pain in Jason’s voice shook me. He was pretty good at hiding his emotions, and it was clear that for some reason, whatever Jacob had done had rattled him.

“Thanks Jason.”

“Just… Talk to him, OK. Don’t let him back down, don’t let him tell you things are OK. Ask him just what, or who he’s doing while he’s partying. I’ve gotta go.”

“Wait, what do you mean who…”

The phone clicked. Jason had hung up on me.

I didn’t know what to do. Jason pretty much told me that Jacob was cheating on me. On the one hand, I knew Jason was jealous of Jacob and my relationship. Jason may not want me, but he also didn’t want anyone else to have me. Still, Jason wouldn’t lie, would he?

I was just so torn. Jacob didn’t seem like a cheater, but he had also been acting really weird lately. And, who’s to say he intentionally cheated? If he couldn’t remember calling me in the middle of the night, would he remember hooking up with someone? Is that even cheating? I knew it wasn’t right, but I also know it wasn’t as bad as intentionally cheating. Jason also wasn’t usually a liar. But, if he was jealous, or mad at me, well. There’s no telling what he would do. Still, he had seemed really upset by the whole thing.

My head was spinning, and I had to really concentrate on driving home. My thoughts were at war with each other, and I didn’t know what to do, or where to start, or who to believe. I wanted to go back to how things were, I wanted to concentrate on another fun summer at camp, I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to believe my best friend, and I wanted to believe my boyfriend.

I wasn’t able to wait until I got home to call Jacob back. I also knew this wasn’t a conversation to have while I was driving.

“Forget something?” Jacob asked, laughing.

“We need to talk.”

“Oh Ella, didn’t we just go over this?” Jacob went from sounding cheerful to annoyed.

“No. We didn’t. You didn’t give me any answers, Jacob, and I’m not doing this. I’m not sleeping, I’m stressed, and damnit, I’m trying to be supportive, but I have a life too. I have things to do, and I just can’t keep being so worried all the time.”

“So don’t be. Nobody asked you to worry about me Ella.”

“I worry because I care about you, Jacob. I thought you cared about me.”

“I do care about you Ella.”

“Then why are you getting drunk and hooking up with girls who aren’t me?”