You look so dumb right now, standing outside my house

Not many work people showed up to our game night out. But, Ed did pull through, although I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him, wondering if he’d bring along Matt’s new friend. He hadn’t, but he had brought some of his other friends with him, funny, loud, large guys, who looked like walking, talking guys from "you might be a redneck" jokes, but still the sweetest, most polite people I’ve ever met. One of his friends actually pulled out my chair for me as I sat down.

Ed’s friends kept the awkwardness from creeping into the situation. I watched everyone, laughing and smiling, and was happy to see that Kellie looked more comfortable. She was even flirting with a few of the guys, although I did notice that she often checked Matt to see if he noticed. Matt was half there, half gone, and I was sad to see he paid more attention to his cell phone than Kellie. I liked her, which surprised me. While I wasn’t sure if they were a good match, she seemed so nice it killed me to know that he was breaking her heart.

We ate dinner, and played some games. I felt like Drew and I were in a cheesy music video for a love song, he kept looking at me and smiling, and I couldn’t help but smile back, and we couldn’t keep stop touching each other. It wasn’t full out PDA, or groping, but he either had a hand on my back, or my hand was holding his, his knee touching mine under the table… We were the brunt of couple jokes all night long, but even that made me smile. I was a couple with my best friend. It seemed too good to be true.

We finally wrapped things up about midnight, and piled into my car to head over to Wal-mart. We had no idea what to make, no recipe with us, no clue what we needed. We wandered the aisle, throwing various things in, chattering on about what we wanted to make, but being pretty aimless about it. We paid for our things, went home, and aimlessly wandered through google, trying to figure out what we could make with the various supplies we did have. We finally settled on some casserole thing, and it was about four AM before we finally headed to bed.

OK, Drew and I headed to bed. But, it was about five thirty before we went to sleep.


I didn’t normally dress up for Thanksgiving. I know a lot of people do, but I always found it stupid. You were just going to see your family, who usually saw you at your worst at some point or another. You were going to eat tons of food, why would you want to be restricted in dress clothes? Or have to worry about not spilling gravy on your good pants? Usually I wore my sweatpants and an old hoodies. Some years I even wore my pajama pants. This year, however, was different.

I’m not quite sure why. I mean yeah, Drew was going to be there, but he had been at Thanksgiving dinners before. I just felt like looking good. So even though I had just gone to bed six and a half hours before (I know, to some people, that’s a normal amount of sleep. I love to sleep though, so it’s not nearly enough.) I drug myself out of bed and got into the shower. While waiting for my hair to dry a bit, I put on my makeup. Then, once I styled my hair, I slipped the sweater dress I had picked out over my head. It was sort of dressy, but still comfortable, and I knew if I spilled something on it, I could just throw it in the washer and be done.

We were out the door at one, arriving at my parents around one-twenty. Most of my family was slotted to show up around two, and I was glad not to be walking into an already full house.

“Mom, this is Kellie and Matt. I work with Matt.” I said, hugging her.

She smiled at both of them, reaching forward to shake their hands. “I’m glad you guys could be here with us today!”

“And of course, you know Drew.” I said. Drew stepped forward to hug my Mom, and I was glad to see that she greeted him warmly. I wasn’t sure what the deal was the other day.

“Need any help?” Kellie asked, looking shy and even more childlike.

“No, no. It’s all under control. Why don’t you guys go sit with Ella’s Dad out in the living room? He’s decorating, I’m sure he can use your help.”

“Sure thing.” Matt said, and Drew led them into the living room. I stayed behind in the kitchen, trusting Drew to make the introductions to my Dad.

“So.” Mom said, breaking the silence that had fallen over us. “You and Drew, huh?”

“Yeah.” I said, smiling and sliding onto a bar stool at the island in the kitchen. I picked up a potato and peeler and started peeling it.

Silence again.

“You sure that’s such a good idea?” My Mom ventured cautiously.

“Yes Mom.” I said, not being able to hide the annoyance in my voice. My Mom and I didn’t talk personal business. I didn’t know why she was pushing this issue.

“It’s just that… You know, you and Jason didn’t work out.”

“I know.”

“Why was that anyway? We all thought you two would end up getting married.”

I sighed, loudly, hoping she’d get the hint and leave me alone. It only caused her to turn and look at me.

“Because he got married, Ma. Remember? They invited you to the wedding.” Jason had been close to my family. I suspected he considered my Mom more his Mother than his own.

Now it was her turn to sigh. “I know. I just still thought… How’s he doing anyway?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why not? Don’t you talk to him?”

I paused, wondering exactly how I should handle this. “No. Not really. Not anymore.”

“What happened? His wife put a nix on it?”

I didn’t say anything.

“You know, I never liked her. She always did give off a jealous vibe. That’s a shame, you two were so close…”

“Mom, I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, pushing my chair back.

“I just think, you know, that Drew’s such a good friend. I worry about you losing him, like you lost Jason.”

I know my Mom didn’t mean to place the blame on me. I knew she was just genuinely concerned for me. I was able to appreciate that, but her words still hurt. She said that I had lost Jason, implying that I had done something wrong, and that it was my fault he was gone.

Silence settled over the room again. My mom turned back to the stove. I felt tears well up in my throat. I swallowed hard, and when I was sure they weren’t going to escape, I spoke.

“I’m going to go into the living room. See if I can help any. You let me know if you need any more help in here.”

I walked out of the kitchen, my chest feeling tight. I talked to myself in my head, tried to kick Jason out of my thoughts, but he hung in there. No matter what I told myself, about him being a jerk, about me being too good for him… All that crept into my mind was, my Mom thought he was perfect for me too.

However, turning the corner and entering the living room, I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. My Father had some football game on TV, muted, and Christmas music playing. My Dad was in his “holiday hat”, a fisherman’s cap decorated with all kinds of gaudy Christmas pins: rhinestone Santa’s, snowman’s, reindeers, buttons that flashed and sang… It was his favorite thing ever, and whenever I went to a thrift store or flea market, I always searched for something to add to his collection. He was up on the ladder, with Drew was on the ground, following his command to hand him whatever ornament my Dad needed to hang. Kellie was on tree duty, tinsel in her hair. Matt had gotten stuck untangling the lights, and he was covered in them. It was so cheery that I almost forgot the conversation with my Mom in the kitchen, although a tiny, nagging voice in the back of my head kept whispering Jason’s name.

I went over to help Kellie with the tree, stepping over my parent’s twosleeping dogs, a black and white pitbull named Moose, and an English Bulldog named Buddah who was missing an eye.

The rest of the evening went well. The food was great, and the family behaved as well as they could manage. At the end of the night we left, me feeling warm and slightly sleepy with arms full of leftovers. We drove home in silence, everyone too full to talk, but happy. You could feel the happiness and satisfaction penetrating the air.

When my headlights swept the house, I was surprised to see a car idling in the driveway.

“Were you expecting anyone?” Drew asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No. And I don’t recognize the car… Matt, what about you? Was anyone coming over tonight?” I asked, looking at him in the rearview. He had been dozing on Kellie’s shoulder.

“What?” He asked, his head popping up. He rubbed his eyes, and looked out into the driveway.

It was when his face turned a deep shade of red that I realized who it was. Matt looked at me, his eyes wide in an “oh shit” expression.

“Who is it?” Kellie asked, glancing from me to Matt.

I felt my mouth lock into a straight line, and I couldn’t help shaking my head slightly in disgust. For one, I couldn’t believe that Matt had moved on to another girl so soon after breaking up with Kellie. But to invite her over when Kellie was there? I was suddenly very pissed at Matt.

“She wasn’t supposed to be here.” Matt said quietly. He knew I was mad, and he was offering up excuses.

Kellie still looked bewildered, but hearing the “she” part, I watched her face fall.

I didn’t say anything back to him, just swung my car a little more violently than necessary into the driveway. I slammed my door getting out, just as Amber was climbing out of her car.

“Hey!” She said, smiling as she saw Matt duck out of the car.

“Hey.” He responded, I saw him glance at me. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought since you couldn’t come to my Thanksgiving, I’d bring my
thanksgiving to you.” She said, ducking back into her car. She pulled out a couple of things, covered in foil. Another blonde got out of the passenger side. “My Mom’s famous pie, and my cousin!” She said, giggling.

“Oh wow. Thanks.” Matt said. I rolled my eyes, leaning on the door and waiting for Kellie and Drew. I half hoped they would hurry in before everyone else, and I could lock the rest of them out.

“This is my cousin. I told her all about you and she really wanted to meet you.”

“Oh…” Matt trailed off as Kellie got out of the car. She didn’t look at him, just reached back for some of the leftovers and strode past him briskly and towards me.

I watched Amber eye Kellie as she walked up the walkway. “Is this a bad time?” Amber asked, her eyes not leaving Kellie.

“No.” Matt said too quickly. He was trying to look like he had nothing to hide, but he answered so fast that he seemed overly eager and flustered. “Why don’t you all come in?” He asked, glancing at me.

At this point, Drew had made it to the door. I let Kellie and Drew inside, and slammed the door behind me. I was being a brat, I knew, but the look of hurt on Kellie’s face made me want to murder Matt.