It's my blog and I'll complain if I want too

Warning: This is me complaining/whining, but also updating you on the situation for Thursday. For those of you who want to know what's going on Thursday and don't want to listen to me complain here's the summary: I will not be posting on Thursday. I will either post it during Whatever Wednesday, or do two on Friday. I'm not sure which yet, but you can consider this post the Whatever Wednesday

Now, onto the complaining.

I love my family. I really do. We're dysfunctional, but in a fun/Simpsons kind of way. We do love each other, and we've always had each others backs. Lately though, I'm feeling like I'm constantly supposed to be having everyone else's back, and no one has mine.

The big point was my Father in Law's surgery/procedure/whatever the hell it is on Thursday. I wanted my sister to try to switch shifts so she could take Thursday off instead of Wednesday, and I could be at the hospital with my Husband and his family. Well, she didn't do that. For some reason, instead of trying to find someone to switch with her, she just requested the day off. And she doesn't bother telling me until today (four days before the procedure) that they're not approving anyone's request for time off, because they're backed up.

I know it's dumb, and kind of petty, because it's like "well, why should your sister drop her job to baby-sit for you?" Well, because, if it weren't for me, my sister wouldn't have a job. She's living at my house (which is already too small, and her boyfriend lives two doors down and is practically begging her to move in with him, and even if she's not ready for that, she could at least spend a little time over there so I have room to breath) and I'm the one who takes her to and from work every day (she doesn't drive.) Which, usually takes two hours (30 minutes there, 30 minutes back to drop her off, and then 30 minutes there, and 30 minutes back home when I pick her up.) And while she pays me for gas, she doesn't pay me for my time. Not to mention the fact that the plan was, she was supposed to get a job CLOSE to my house, and instead chose this one because of the discount she got, not caring at the strain it put on me (do you know how restless a kid gets in the car when they're stuck in there for that long?)

So, I'm at my Mom's house when she tells me this. My brother is there. He's currently not working, so I'm like, hey, why can't he baby-sit? I mean, I would have NEVER left my son with my brother when Cayden was a new born. That would have been WAY too much. But now? I mean Cayden is physically exhausting to be around, having to chase him everywhere, but other than that, he's easy to take care of. You feed him, change his diaper a couple of times, follow him around and make sure he doesn't kill himself. It's not hard.

So we tell my Mom. And she pretty much freaks out. She just keeps offering up excuse after excuse to why it's not a good idea. And I'm pretty much like, well. Forget it then. And then suddenly she's accusing ME of being a drama queen, and asking why I always do this, and telling me not to get my panties in a bunch...

...All I said was "Forget it then." Honestly. That's all. I don't get how that translates into me being a drama queen and getting my panties in a bunch.

The thing about my Mom is... She wants to baby her kids forever. She'll complain about it, she'll tell us to grow up, but then she has no problem trying to take control. Example: Jeremy, my husband, just went for a job interview. I told my Mom about it. And immediately it was all like "Well, does it pay well (better than his job now), is the insurance good? (granted, it's not as great as he has now, but it's still good.)" And, it was just REALLY annoying. I'm almost 24 years old, I've been married for damn near 2 years, I have my own child, and I haven't lived with her since I was 19 (which, is better than I can say for my brother or sister. Who both still live with her. Well, my sister now lives with me, but whatever.)

I mean, I get it. It's not the end of the world, worse things have happened. It's just, I'm having a hard time establishing boundaries with my family. My mom used to say things like "Well, when you're the Mom, you can decide what to do with your child." Or "When you get your own place, you can decide what to do." ALL the time when I was growing up. And now, I AM the Mom, and I HAVE my own place, and she's STILL trying to tell me what to do.

My husband says it's because she's a Mom, and that's what she does. But at what point does she start respecting ME as a Mom? If I trust my brother to baby-sit my son, and my brother agrees, why should she be able to jump in and say no?

There's a bunch of other little things too. Like, the fact when he spends the night over there, she still sleeps with him in her bed, even though I've asked her several times not too. The fact that she changes him out of the clothes I put him in when I take him over there (She changed his pants today. Why? I have no idea.), the fact that after I spent the afternoon with my friend, who owns rabbits, I mentioned I wanted one, and she gave me a HUGE lecture on why I didn't need another one (all I said was I would eventually like to own a rabbit again. I didn't say I was going out this weekend and buying one. And even if I was, again, it will be paid with my money, and live in my house. What business of hers is it to tell me I shouldn't?), or the whole other baby issue. She doesn't want me to have another baby. I don't see why she should have a say in it.

I mean again, I'm not trying to say this is the end of the world issues. It's just seriously annoying me. I don't think my Mom means to be so... I dunno what the word is. Controlling maybe? I think she honestly just cares about me and wants me to do the right thing. But I just don't see why, at 24 years old, and living without her, that I can't decide what the right thing for me is? And it's like. Yeah, I could talk to her, and try to tell her, but then it just turns into her accusing me of not appreciating her or listening to her, or whatever. It just turns into a big fight.

It's just frustrating. I want to have a close family, but I also want my own family. Does anyone understand what I'm saying?

It's also annoying too, how my Mom will bend over backwards and run herself ragged for my brother, sister (and sometimes me too), but then complain about it. Like if you don't want to do something, don't do it. And then she gets angry if someone can stand up for themselves and be like, no, I don't want to do this. It's like the whole driving my sister to work thing, I told her AND my sister that I don't know how much longer I can do this. For one, I don't drive in the snow. It seriously freaks me out, and I have panic attacks, so I won't do it. When I did this, my Mom yelled at me "You've only been doing this for a few months and you already want to quit???" Again, my sister was supposed to get a job down the street, NOT across the city.

But, I found a sitter (a friend of mine offered to baby-sit, bless her heart. She's the one who has four of her own, and is pregnant with her fifth. But she's worked with kids all her life, in a day care and at camp with me, so I trust she can handle it) So I think when I tell my Mom I can't take my sister to work Thursday, she's going to sigh and yell at me because she can't do it either. We'll see.