Our love is comfortable and so broken in

I packed up my car after calling Drew to let him know I was on my way, and Mama Rivers to let her know I wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week. I felt a twinge of guilt, calling off, as I always did, but let it pass. Then I checked in with Matt to make sure he’d be OK, and I was on the open road.

I was actually really excited about seeing Drew. I knew he had to work the next two days, so I was looking forward to spending the days with Toni and her kids, and the nights lazing around with Drew, not having to think about Jason, Kayla, or Greg. When I was with Drew, I could relax. I desperately needed to recharge.

I got there late evening, and Drew met me outside, wrapping me up in a big bear hug.

“I missed you!” I squealed, trying to hug him back as hard as he was hugging me.

“Missed you too.” He replied, giving me a final squeeze and setting me down on the ground. He ruffled my hair. “Let’s go set your stuff inside, and then we can go grab some food.”

“Sounds good to me, I’m starving!” I replied.


We put my stuff in his townhouse, made sure Cumulus was settled in, and went out to his big green truck. I hopped in, instantly feeling at home in the dusty, loud, beat up thing. The seats were worn and comfortable, and I felt a little more tension relax away. We didn’t talk on the drive, I was enjoying the bumps and the cool autumn air pouring in. Drew had the windows down, the weather was a little on the warm side, especially for the end of October. The radio was on low, and the whole thing just felt comfortable. For the first time in what felt like a long time, a slow, lazy smile spread across my face, and it felt genuine and unforced.

We got to the diner we always went to, another comfortable place. It wasn’t fancy, and it also probably wasn’t healthy, but they hand cut their french fries and their burgers were delicious.

We sat down and ordered, not bothering to look at the menus.

“So. Halloween’s on Saturday, you think you’re up for a party?”

“I don’t have a costume.” I answered.

“You don’t have to go.” Drew replied. “I do. It’s a work thing. But, if you want too, I can bring you as my date. I’m sure Toni can help you find an outfit. You’ve got two days.”

I shrugged. “Sure. Sounds like it could be fun.”

The waitress brought our drinks, and Drew and I caught up. He told me how work was going, how his parent’s divorce was going. His Dad at first, had been shocked. Then angry, then sad. Drew said he went through every emotion known to man in about a week’s time frame. Now he was happy. The house was being put up for sale, and they were both apartment shopping. I thought Drew would be sad that his childhood home was being sold, but he just shrugged. I realized that their weren’t too many happy memories in that house, mainly just ghostly memories.
As soon as the waitress came, we stopped talking. In fact, even after the food left, we didn’t talk much. It was one of the things I loved most about Drew, I didn’t feel like we had to spend every moment with words. Sometimes we could just be around each other, and still be comfortable in the silence. We ended up going back to his place after we ate, popping in a movie. He, Cumulus and I all snuggled together on the couch, where we promptly fell asleep.

I got up with Drew early the next morning. He had to be at work at an insane six AM. Drew still worked for his Dad’s landscaping company. In the spring, summer, and fall, they were busy. Spring was obviously planting flowers and such, summer was taking care of those flowers and mowing, and the fall was helping people put their flower beds to rest, and raking leaves. Winter they had a few jobs, mainly plowing, and Drew’s Dad had a greenhouse, but since they had so much time, Drew took classes at a local community college. He was going to school for business, and while he would have liked to go full time, he knew his father needed his help. So, he was at work by six, every morning, to help load the trucks and go over some paperwork and billing.

I fixed him breakfast, and then watched him get ready. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Drew was a good looking guy. It was nice to sit back, watching him walk from the bathroom to his room with a towel wrapped around his waist. I’d never let him know I was watching him, instead looking out from the corner of my eye, but I did enjoy the view. He was my best friend, but boy, he was a good looking guy.

When he left, Cumulus and I went and got into his bed, curling up together for a few more hours. I was reluctant to leave the comfort of Drew’s warm bed, but I had plans to go shopping with Toni. She had actually gotten a baby-sitter so she and I could spend the afternoon shopping alone. After that, we were going to pick up the kids, and meet Drew and Nick for dinner. I took a quick shower, ran Cumulus outside to do his business, dressed, and left.

I knocked on Toni’s door and walked in. Their living room was littered with toys, and blocked off by baby gates. Their home was still warm, but had lost some of the sophistication with the baby gates. They had tried, choosing the more “upscale” baby equipment, natural wood baby gates, using the zen collection for a bouncer and bassinet, but still. With Barney blaring in the background, it was hard to be sophisticated. Still, I had to smile when I entered their home. Kyle, their oldest son, was two. He walked up to me and hugged my legs with his perpetually sticky hands. Izzy, their 6 month old, was just learning how to crawl, but still preferred to roll. She rolled in my directions, offering me giggles and smiles the whole way.

“Ready to go?” Toni asked, coming out from the kitchen, being followed by a person I assumed was her sitter.

“Already? I don’t get to play with the rugrats?” I asked, picking Kyle up and balancing him on my hip.

“There will be plenty of time for that later.” Toni answered, taking Kyle from me and passing him to the woman. “Mommy needs a latte.” She said, grabbing her coat. I laughed, and followed her out the door.

“I’ll drive.” She said, climbing into their new crossover. Nick had insisted they needed a bigger car, and with two kids, and therefore two car seats, he was right. However, Toni refused to be a station wagon Mom, or a soccer Mom in a mini van. She had settled for a crossover. Half van, half SUV, all Toni. She wouldn’t admit it, because getting excited over a car just wasn’t like her, but she loved it. Which is why she offered to drive anywhere.

“Where too?” She asked, after she had stopped by a local coffee shop to pick up what she called her “fuel”.

“I don’t know. I need a costume, I guess, to go to this party for Drew.”

“Oooh, what’s he going as? You guys could go as a pair. You know, Bonnie and Clyde, or Jasmine and Aladdin or something.”

I wrinkled my nose. “No. That’s so couple-y. Plus, he didn’t tell me what he was going to be. Just that he already had his costume.”

“Well, we’ll go to Halloween express. I’m sure you can find something there.”


We pulled in to the parking lot, Toni downing the last of her latte and tossing it into the trashcan on our way in. She pulled open the door, and instantly, we were in Halloween land. There were all sorts of crazy decorations, from plastic spiders and rats to life sized figures holding axes or looking creepy. And, of course, racks and racks of costumes, ranging from cheap plastic smock types, to elaborate ones. Toni grabbed a cart and started going through the racks. I, however, was a little taken aback. I had a hard time making choices, and I felt overwhelmed.

Toni saw my shell shocked look and sighed. “C’mon Ella. We need to find you something to wear!”

I headed to a rack and started going through it. “Sexy maid, sexy nurse, sexy cop… Are you seeing a theme here?” I asked Toni.

“Oooh, Ella. I think I found it!” She shouted from across the store.

I dropped my arms from the rack. “What?” I asked, ambling over to her.

“Here.” She said, shoving a red wig and a sequined dress at me. “Go try this on.”


As soon as I saw it in the dressing room, I started protesting.

“You can NOT be serious Toni! I’m not putting this on!” I shouted, even while I was undressing.

“Oh c’mon Ella. If I had your body, I’d totally wear it. It’s cute, it’s sexy, it’s a little funny. Just try it on.” She protested from outside. I got the feeling Toni was trying to live vicariously through me.

“I’ll try it on for shits and giggles, but I’m telling you right now, I am NOT buying it.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Toni dismissed me.


As I was sliding the slinky dress over my head, my cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, I saw it was Matt.

“Hey Matt, everything OK?” I asked.

“Yeah. You just got a flower delivery at work.” He answered. “They asked me what you would want done with them.”

“Flowers?” I asked, honestly confused. “Who are they from?” I thought maybe Greg would send them, but he knew I was going out of town. Unless, of course, he forgot.

“There’s a card, you want me to read it?”

“Yeah.” I answered, running my hands over the front of the dress. There was a high slit, and gloves attached to the side. I couldn’t try those on, but they came with the dress. I did look pretty good, but it was way too sexy for me.

“It’s from Jason?” He said, his voice showing his confusion. “It seems kind of personal, I’m not going to read anymore.”

I hung up the phone, feeling a little sick. Matt hadn’t told me what Jason said in his card, but I knew if it was positive or negative, it was going to break my heart. My life had been so good for such a long time, and right now, I was just so sick of being me. I wanted to be someone, anyone else.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, and saw an entirely different person. This dress was probably about as far as me as I could get.

“Toni.” I said, opening the door.

“Oh Ella, you look great. But lemme guess, no dice?”

“No, we’re getting it.”

I tried not to cringe as she clapped her hands together and squealed in excitement.