Sometimes love just ain't enough

Drew and I spent the rest of the day trying to get to know each other all over again. Of course, I had known Drew most of my life, and I thought I knew him inside and out, but there were parts of him I didn’t know. Like the way his lips felt on mine, how my hand fit inside of his, the way his hair felt running through my fingers. I had originally planned on leaving shortly after lunch, but I stayed on through dinner, trying to get to know him in this new way.

“I wish I could wake up next to you tomorrow.” He said, as we stood out by my car.
“I wish that too.” I answered, leaning my head against his chest. “I wish I hadn’t called off so much last week, I could have stayed longer.”

He held me for a moment, and I loved feeling this close to him. Drew and I had obviously hugged before, but I just felt so much closer to him for some reason. I couldn’t get enough.

“Well. Do you mind if I make a trip there this weekend?”
I smiled up at him. “Do you even really have to ask?”

He squeezed me, and then let me go.

“Alright Ella. I hate to see you leave, but you’ve gotta make him home at a decent hour. It’s late enough as it is.”

“I know.” I said, but I still didn’t move.

Drew leaned down to give me one last lingering kiss. Then, after opening my door, he gave me a gentle nudge. I got in the car, and drove away, not taking my eyes off his shrinking figure in the rearview until it was completely gone.

I was sad to be without him, and there was a sort of emptiness I got when I left. Still, there was also a giddiness, and I sang stupid love pop songs to Cumulus all the way home.

Even though I was bummed to leave Drew, I was really glad to be home, and so was Cumulus. He started whining once we hit our neighborhood, and when I let him out of the car, he hiked his leg on what seemed like every blade of grass in my front yard. I finally drug him inside, leaving my suitcase in the car. I was notoriously bad an unpacking, I had been known to live out of a suitcase for months when I returned from a vacation. The only exception to that rule was my camp clothes. After a week of having my clothes marinate in sweat and dirt inside my laundry bag, I didn’t ever procrastinate dropping those straight into the washer.

I opened the door and was greeted with Matt shouting on the phone. I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, I could just tell his voice was loud. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should go and announce that I was home, but then I heard him swear and throw what I assumed to be the phone down. He threw open his door and came face to face with me.

“Ella!” He yelled. I winced. “Sorry.” He said, his tone normal. “You’re home late. When did you get here?”

“Just a few minutes ago. I stayed longer than I planned on today.” I said, looking Matt up and down. He looked horrible, his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was mussed, and he was sporting a serious five o’clock shadow.

“Oh. Did you have fun?” Matt asked. His phone started to ring on his bad, and he shot it the evil eye.

“Yeah, it was just what the doctor ordered.” I answered.

We stood there for a moment. His phone stopped ringing and then immediately started again.

“Do you need to get that?” I asked, pointing to his bed.

“No. It’s just Kellie.” He said, shrugging it off.

“Ooook. How’d your visit go?” I asked, walking to the kitchen where Cumulus was waiting to be fed.

He sighed, loudly.

“She took the news that great, eh?” I said, laughing slightly as I scooped out Cumulus’ food.

“She freaked out. Said if I loved her so much that I wouldn’t even consider moving without her. She said that all her friends ask her over and over again when she’s going to be getting a ring, and now she’s going to have to tell them that I’m leaving her behind. Went three different kinds of ape shit crazy, demanding to know what the future held for us, and if I was planning on purposing. She said that if I wasn’t sure by now that she was the one, then I wasn’t going to be and that I should quit wasting her time.”

“And what’d you say?” I asked, opening the fridge to get a drink. I grabbed a coke, and grabbed Matt a beer. I handed it to him where he sat at the table.

“I told her she was right.”

“Ouch.” I answered, wincing.

“I know. I know it was a horrible thing to say, but it had to be said. Everything she said was right. If I wanted to really be with her, I wouldn’t be so excited to leave. I would be thinking marriage by now. I mean hell, we’ve been together for practically forever, and here I am still wondering if I’m in love with her. She was trying to bully me into proposing. She wanted me to say that even though I was leaving, I would promise to come back and marry her. She had every right to want a promise, she’s already invested a lot of time in us. But I wasn’t willing to make a promise that I’m really not sure if I can keep.”

We were both quiet for a moment. I knew he had done the right thing, but it still had to hurt both him and Kellie. I felt a little bad for her, but in the end I knew Matt was doing the right thing. His phone went off again, breaking the silence.

“She keeps calling. Offering alternatives for us to be together. First she wanted to move up here, and then she got mad at me for not trying to talk her out of it, then she called to try to find out where I planned to be in five years to see if it matched up with her plan and if maybe we could work something out. I keep telling her, you do what you want, but right now we’re just not going to work. But she just keeps calling.”

“So now what are you going to do?” I asked.

He shrugged, sighing. He looked defeated. “I think I’m just going to ignore her. I don’t really know what else to do. You have any ideas?”

“I mean, if you’ve already told her you’re done? I don’t think there’s much else you can do hon.” I smiled sympathetically. He nodded, taking a long swig of beer.

“I’m glad your home Ella. The place was a little lonely.” He said, standing to head back to his room.

“I’m glad to be home.” I called to him. It was true, even though I wished Drew was here, it did feel good to be back at home.

I walked over to the counter where we placed the mail, and began sorting through it. Halfway through, I smelled flowers. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them. The flowers Jason sent. Panic cramped my stomach, and for a second, I was afraid to really look at them.

“Stupid.” I muttered to myself. “They’re just flowers, they aren’t going to bite.” With that little pep talk, I crossed the room to read what Matt had deemed to personal to tell me over the phone.