And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful?

“I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight.” Seth said when I called.

“Well. We have an issue, I’m going to have to cancel Friday. I’m sorry, it’s just going to be really hectic these next few months…”

“What’s going on?” He asked, sounding concerned.

I relayed what Matt had told me about the night.

“So basically, I’m going to be a Mom these next few months. And probably helping a lot after the twins are born.”

“It’s just not a good time for you relationship wise, is it?” He asked.

I panicked for a second, wondering if he wanted to back out of this whole thing. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him if he did. For one, I had already admitted to having ex-boyfriend issues, and then to add on the fact that I didn’t know when I’d have time to see him? I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be with him yet, and now all this?

“No.” I admitted. “I guess it’s not.”

He was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke, his voice calm and even. “Here’s the thing Ella. I’m pretty motivated when it comes to getting what I want. I mean not in a scary stalker way, but if there’s obstacles placed in my way, I’m pretty good and figuring out how to get around them. I don’t know where we’re going yet, but I do know that I like you. We’ll figure it out.”

He said it with what was becoming his cool air of confidence. It wasn’t cocky, just sure footed. I had never really known anyone like Seth.

“Now,” he said. “About Friday. How about I come over and help you with the kids, and then you and I can just hang after their in bed? You cook me dinner, I’ll bring you a movie. Sound like a deal?”

“Sounds good.” I said, smiling.

“And about the house remodel… My Dad owns a tiling company, and Ian and I have both gotten pretty good at doing basic home stuff. You know, drywall, wallpaper, floor install. Ian loves that stuff, I’m sure he’d be willing to help out, and I’d be willing to help out too…”

“You don’t have to do that Seth, I mean it’s your weekend…” I said.

“Yeah, but I want too. Plus, I’d get to see you again.”

I smiled, but I was still worried.

“I know, and I appreciate the offer but… My ex, is living there and doing a lot of work on the house, and I just… It might be awkward.”

“Oh…” He said trailing off. “OK then, but…” He paused. “If you change your mind, or if you talk to him and he’s cool? We’d love to help out.”

“Alright.” I said, knowing I wouldn’t talk to Drew.

I missed Drew. I missed just calling him and talking to him. I wanted to check in and see how he was doing with the whole Toni situation… I knew Toni and Nick and become like siblings to him, and I knew Toni being in the hospital had probably upset him. Still, the last time we had talked it had been awkward. I just didn’t know how to get over that.

As soon as I hung up the phone with Seth, my phone rang again. I looked at the number, and didn’t recognize it.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey, it’s me.” Toni said.

“I just talked to you Ton, what’s up?” I asked, worried that something else had gone wrong.

“Nothing, I just… I need you to go over and check on Drew.”

“Toni…” I whined.

“I know Ella. But he was really upset when we got here, and beating himself up, and I know he’s just going to go back home and kill himself trying to fix the house up tonight. He won’t talk to me or Nick because he doesn’t want to add any stress.”

“He won’t talk to me either, and you know it!” I replied.

She sighed. “Ella, please? Just go try. I’d feel a lot better, and I don’t really need to worry about anything else tonight.”

“Fine.” I grumbled, feeling guilty. I hung up the phone and leashed Cumulus.

“Matt, can you keep an ear out for the kids? I’m taking the dog for a walk.” I called.

“Sure thing!” He replied.

The house was just down the street, a two minute walk, if that. I was nervous, and I didn’t really want to do it, so instead of heading straight there, I walked the opposite way down the block, planning on taking the long way. Still, the long way wasn’t all that long, and it wasn’t too long before I reached the house. I took a deep breath and shut Cumulus in the backyard. Then I entered the house.

Just like Toni predicted, I could hear hammering. Drew was working. I followed the sound to what was to be the twin’s nursery. I watched him for a second. You could tell he was venting his frustration out on ripping up the floors, and I felt sorry for him. He was alone, in this big empty house, trying to deal with all this stuff on his own.

“Hey.” I said.

He jumped a mile in the air. “Jesus Ella!” He said, turning around. “What are you doing here?”

“Toni called. She wanted me to check up on you.”

“I don’t know why.” He grumbled, throwing his hammer on the floor and reaching for a water bottle. “I’m fine. Just busy. We have a lot to get done you know.”

“I know. But you’re not going to get it done in one night.” I said, crossing the threshold and sitting down next to him.

“Says who?” He grunted under his breath.

We were quiet for a moment, neither one of us knowing what to say or do. It wasn’t the comfortable silence I was used too with Drew, but a very heavy one. It was almost suffocating.

“So. You talked to Toni?” He asked. I nodded. “She doing OK?”

“She seems OK.” I said, shrugging. “But you know Toni.”

Again, the quiet came back. Just when I thought I was going to go, unable to stand the awkwardness anymore, Drew spoke. His voice was quiet and raw, and I had to strain to hear what he was saying.

“That’s the thing, Ella. Is I do know Toni. That was the scariest part about it all. Toni’s always so strong, and fearless. I mean she could have a gaping flesh wound and tell you it’s just a scratch. But the look on her face… When we found Kyle she asked him what was wrong, and he said he was hungry. She asked him why he hadn’t told the sitter, and he said he did. She asked him what the sitter had fed him that day, and when he said nothing? Toni tore down the street. I mean she just scooped up Kyle and bolted. I had a hard time keeping up with her, and I wasn’t pregnant and carrying a child. Then she just started screaming at this girl. I mean really just going at her, I thought she might lunge at any second, and she might have, but….” He trailed off.

“But what?” I asked, my own voice so quiet I wasn’t sure if he heard me.

“But then she got this awful look on her face. I mean really bad. It was the same look my Mom got at the hospital. When the doctors told her that her twins couldn’t be saved. The same exact look Ella. I mean they both hugged their stomachs and fell to the floor and it was just such… Déjà vu. I could smell the hospital all over again. I could taste the blood in my mouth. And then when Toni told me that she WASN’T OK? For her to admit something like that? I panicked.”

I didn’t know where to go from there. As long as I had known Drew, he never really talked about his twin siblings, or the accident. I didn’t know if I should prompt him or just stay quiet.

“Well, you obviously didn’t panic too much, Drew, if you took care of everything so well. I mean Toni’s safe.”

He just looked at me with this blank stare, and I knew I had made the wrong decision. I should have stayed quiet, should have let Drew take his time, to speak when he was ready. I was beating myself over this decision, when Drew opened his mouth again.