Cuz I've got friends in low places...

The week had already been hectic and odd, and while the weekend was usually a time for relaxation for me, I was not looking forward to the weekend, not even a tiny bit.

First, Matt had asked me to set him up with Jarren. I had no clue he had ever been interested in Jarren, not even when they first met. In fact, I thought she had kind of annoyed him. I didn’t want to set Matt up with her, I didn’t think they’d be a good match, and I didn’t really want to call her. But, I knew that by saying no… Well, it would make me look childish and even a little suspicious. Sure, I was fighting with Jarren, but I was also a grown adult. I couldn’t hold a grudge, especially over something that looking back, seemed so minor. If I didn’t make up with her, I’d look juvenile, like I was stamping my feet and throwing a temper tantrum. If I did make up with her, but still refused to hook Matt up with her, I would look like I had feelings for Matt. And I didn’t….

Did I?

Whatever. I don’t even want to go there, there’s too many other things going on, with Jason coming into town, and Drew and Seth, and then Toni and the kids. Way too much going on to even think about it.

Anyway, so now, I had to call Jarren, and I had to make up with her. Well, I guess I didn’t have too, but I was going too. I kind of wanted too… I didn’t really want to be Jarren’s friend again, I didn’t trust her, and after our fight, I realized that I hadn’t even really liked her for awhile. But… Well, I hated to know there was anyone out there who I was fighting with, who I had bad blood with. And while I didn’t really like Jarren, or want to spend any time with her, I did still care about her. She had been my friend for a long time, and we did used to be really good friends. I wanted to make sure she was OK, and I wanted her to know that I’d always be here for her, even if we didn’t talk on a regular basis.

Still, I was worried how Jarren would react. She was random in her responses, she could be cold, she could be irate, she could be excited… Or she may pick up like we never had our fight at all. With everything else going on, I didn’t really want to deal with it. At least not right now.

I had tried to put it off, I had originally told Matt I would go home and call Jarren, but it was easy to “forget” about it. I was helping Toni pack, giving the kids a bath, and fielding emails from the craigslist ad that Matt posted for a Mother’s helper.

I wanted to keep putting it off, but with the weekend looming ahead, I just kind of wanted it to be over with. It would be one less thing on my plate, one less thing to worry about, one less thing to deal with and do.

However, I did cut myself a break, and instead of calling, I took the easy way out. Thank you, facebook.

Jarren-

Hey, it’s me. I don’t know if you’re still pissed at me or not. I’m still a little irked with you, but the fact of the matter is, you were a big part of my life for a really long time. I don’t know if we could ever be friends again, maybe our life has just gone in two different directions, but I would like to keep in touch, just to know that you’re OK. I’ll be here for you if you ever need me, even if you decide not to talk to me anymore. If you do decide you want to talk though, the numbers still the same.

-Ella

Ten minutes later, my phone rang.

“Damn her and her addiction to facebook.” I mumbled to myself when I looked at the caller ID and say that it was Jarren. I did want to deal with it, wanted to get it over with, but I thought I’d have a little more time before I had to do it.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hey.” Jarren said. “I got your email.”

“Oh…” Was my witty and insightful response.

We sat in silence for a second.

“Look. I’m sorry for what I said. I knew you were having a rough time, and I gloated in it. I know it sounds horrible, and it was, but… I don’t know. It’s always been kind of hard to be your friend.”

“What? Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” She trailed off and was quiet for a moment. “Things just seemed… Easy for you. I mean you always had all the guys, and you knew what you were doing with your life. You had a job that you liked, that you were good at, that was doing good for other people. I mean even your Jason drama… That was pretty romantic. And New Years… I was the one who had it going for me. I had a boyfriend, and I had a good job, and you needed me. I know I took advantage of it. I feel horrible for it, and I was a horrible friend because of it, I know that. I’m glad you were the bigger person and emailed me… I wanted to call you, but I was kind of afraid too.”

I was quiet for a second. My first reaction to be pissed, what she did was a shitty thing, and no real friend would kick you when you were down. I almost wanted to hang up on her, to be done with it. But Matt had asked me for a favor, and he had been so good about helping me out that I wanted to help him out, even if I did think being with Jarren was a bad idea. And after I thought about it for a second, I did feel a little bad for Jarren. I mean how she reacted was wrong, there were no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. But we had all been in that place, where we weren’t quite good enough, where we weren’t the pretty one, where we weren’t in the limelight. It was hard to be in that place, and Jarren had been in that place for years. I could see how that could grate on her.

“Ella? Are you there?”

“I’m still here.” I answered.

“Are you mad?” She asked.

I thought about lying to her, and telling her no. She sounded scared, and I knew it had taken a lot for her to admit all that to me. She could have pretended everything was fine, she didn’t have to say any of those things to me. But she did. I admired her for that, but because I admired her, I knew I owed her the truth.

“Yeah, to be honest, I am kind of mad.” I answered. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore Jarren. I have a ton of stuff going on right now, and it’s really the last thing I need. But I need to say this, and I don’t want you to get defensive and mad. I know it won’t be easy to hear, but please trust that it comes from a good place.”

“OK.” She said, reluctantly after a moments hesitation.

“I know what it’s like to feel jealous and insignificant, so I’m sorry you felt like that. I really am. But the thing is… I never tried to make you feel like that. I never went out of my way to make you feel like that, I didn’t try to gloat, or rub your face in my successes. I just tried to be there for you, tried to help you out, tried to be your friend. What you did? Is really immature, and that is not what a friend does. I really think you have a lot to learn, and a lot of growing up to do. I mean that in the nicest way possible, Jar. I’m just so frustrated with you, because you used to have all these hopes and dreams, and I know you can achieve them, but it’s almost like you’re expecting it to just be handed to you. Everything I have? I worked for, and I earned. It wasn’t easy, and I deserve it.”

She was quiet for a long while. So quiet I thought she had hung up.

“So. Why did you call?”

“Well. I do want to try to be your friend. I don’t know if we can Jarren, but I do want to try. Like I said, I do care about you.”

“OK.” She responded.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, and I struggled with how to bring Matt into the picture.

“So. You still seeing Greg?” I asked.

“I don’t know. It’s complicated… He went on this Spring Break tour. We’re on again off again all the time. Right now I’m pretty sure we’re off, and it might be for good.”

“Well. I’m sorry to hear that… But, you know, Matt? I think you met him once. The really tall guy? He was asking about you….”