Anyway, so we went. They had Rick Nash's Olympic jersey there along with his gold medal. You could go and look at it and take a picture with it, but of course there was a line. So, we get in line to wait at intermission, and there's this kid in front of me. And I'm kind of annoyed because this kid keeps... Well, the only word I have to describe it was dancing... He would step forward, step back, just kind of all over the place. And I wasn't really annoyed with him per say, more with his Dad, who wasn't watching him, and every time the line moved up and inch, he'd yell at his kids to come on! Like they were even going that far. Then we got up to nearly the head of the line, which was next to this glass window overlooking this practice rink. Highschoolers were practicing on it, and the kids went over to watch. They weren't bothering anything, they were like two feet from their Dad, we still had at least a 5 minute wait till we got up there, the kids were entertained... Most people would probably leave their kids there, right? Wrong. This guy kept yelling at his to "Come ON!" and again, it's not like he was asking, he was yelling.
So then he starts griping about how people are taking too long (which, I mean, I'm an impatient person. People were NOT being rude. They were snapping either one or two pictures, quickly, and moving on.) And then he tried to cut in front of like four people when we got close, he told his son "go on up there" but his son didn't.
So they finally get to the front of the line, and he has his two kids stand in front of the display. By this time, the game had started, and there was a loud noise. Well, there was clearly something off about his kid, I don't know is he had Aspergers, or maybe Autism (the game that night had some benefits going for Autism)but the poor kid got scared by the loud noise (he was older, maybe 10 or 11, old enough not to be scared by loud noises) and he put his hands up to his ear. His Dad started SCREAMING at him "Put your hands down! PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!" and I mean, the look on that poor kids face is STILL with me. He just froze and made this awful face, you could tell he was scared and embarassed. Then his Dad took the picture (Nice memory for them, huh?) and yelled "C'MON!" and then you could hear him yelling at the kid all the way down back to their seats.
I wanted to say something so badly. But what do you say? I mean really I wanted to give the guy a swift kick in the nuts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be super Mom. I get annoyed with Cayden too, and I've snapped at him before, but I have NEVER yelled at him like that, and if I EVER saw that kind of look cross Cayden's face because of something I said or did? I'd kick my own ass. And I mean, again, there was clearly something going on with the kid. I get that it might be frustrating to deal with, I obviously don't know what it's like. But just... You guys should have heard the way that guy yelled. It just crossed a line from annoyed/frustrated/frazzle parent into... Well. Asshole.
And again, I wanted to say something, but I also didn't want to make it worse or embarrass the poor kid more.
I'm a big believer that everyone has their own parenting style. Some choose to be more strict, some choose to be softer. As long as your child is healthy, happy, and safe, well, that's all that matters, right? But there is no excuse, no rhyme or reason for you to yell at a child like that. Especially for something as stupid as that. A "Hey, Jack, can you put your hands down bud?" probably would have worked a LOT faster than what he did.
Anyway. My Mom told me that day too, that she thought I was a good Mother. Which... Was probably the best compliment I've ever received. My Mom is a pretty closed off person, and I dunno. I like to think I'm a good Mom, but if you asked me if my Mom thought I was a good Mom? I'm not sure I could have answered yes. It came totally out of the blue too, which just made it seem more valid. It also made me ache to be pregnant all over again. Before I had always been a little hesitant, a little scared. I mean it was the same thing with the first baby. You always wonder if you can handle it. And it's not like it's a puppy, who if you decide you can't handle it, you can find it a better home. You're stuck. Through the good and the bad. And when it's something that's completely unknown to you - I had never been up in the middle of the night with a baby, I didn't have much experience with babies, had only held a few, never really baby-sat any (I had dealt with children, but babies? Whole other story.) So I just didn't know if I could hack it. Then Cayden came, and while I had heard people talk about this unconditional love they have for their kids, it was the first time I ever experienced it. Get up in the middle of the night with my child? You bet. He needs me. How could I not? Clean up puke and poop and get peed on? I will now touch things I used to think you couldn't pay me too, because again, my son needs me too. My whole world starts and ends with him, he is everything I've ever wanted, he is the most amazing thing I've ever done, and I would do anything with him, no questions asked.
But number two... Well. How am I going to handle a toddler and an infant? Sure people do it all the time, but I've never done it. Get up in the middle of the night with my toddler (who is still not sleeping through the night) and my infant? Again, hesitant, nervous, and scared. Can I cut it? Can I do it? Can I love a second child as much as I love my first?
Well, my Mom's comment just made me realize, yes. To all of the above. I'll find a way to do it. Because I'm a good Mom, and that's what good Mom's do.
So now it's just the waiting game. Which is easier said than done. So articles you read tell you how easy it is to get pregnant. Other's say dismal things, like in reality you only have a 20% chance each month. Which, makes you wonder how anyone ever gets pregnant, and why the hell teens are getting pregnant so easily. It's kind of discouraging. I mean Jer and I have been trying for a little while now. Not seriously, mainly we were not trying not to get pregnant. But now it's full court press, and I don't know. I want to be optimistic. I want to hope, but I'm also kind of afraid to hope. Hope leads to disappointment. I know everyone says to relax and it'll happen, but anyone who's trying knows that's way easier said than done. I keep praying, and on top of praying for a happy healthy pregnancy & baby, I pray for patience, something I DESPERATELY need. I know it will happen when it's supposed to happen, that I have no real reason to believe it won't happen, but still... I just count myself as so lucky to have one healthy baby. So many women don't get that. Am I asking too much by wanting another?
I relate a lot to songs. I think there's always a perfect song for every moment. Cayden and I have two songs that I consider "ours" One is Return to Pooh Corner that I sing to him just about every night (It's hard to explain how a few precious things seem to follow throughout all our lives/after all said and done I was watching my son, sleeping there with my bear by his side/So I tucked him in, kissed him, and as I was gone/I swear that old bear whispered 'girl, welcome home.) And These Are The Moments. Every line in that song is just so true, and listening to it right now, it makes me cry.
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than the love you give me
'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more
But again, I can't help but wonder... I am asking for more with another baby. Am I asking for too much?
9 comments:
The dad sounds like an ass. If the kid is already upset by the loud noise then yelling at him probably wasn't the way to go.
And I love the song Return to Pooh Corner. Ever since John Stamos sang it on Full House I was like "aww". Yeah I know, I'm a sap.
Oh, my gosh Laura...I love that song so much. My husband and I tried for two years to get pregnant, and lost twins before I had my first child. That song would always remind me that even if I never was blessed with a child, I was still so very blessed to be married to the love of my life...Anyway, to encourage you-when my little boy turned one, my husband started talking me into trying again for a second baby. If it would take another two years to get pregnant, it would be pretty good spacing...Needless to say, my daughter was conceived the first time we tried.
As for the dad and the boy--I grew up with an autistic brother, and he was very sensitive to loud noise (usually holding his ears) and was always moving around. My heart hurt a little bit just reading about it, so I'm sure witnessing it was awful. But, I'm glad you ignored it like you did. I am going to hope that the dad is normally a very patient, loving dad who just happened to be more stressed than usual because he wants to keep his son from getting uncomfortable in the crowd. Caring for a special needs child is a calling that my mom wholeheartedly embraced...My father? Not so much. He died in November never really coming to terms with the past 41 years of having a less-than-perfect child.
Oh, and speaking of Pooh, here's a blog I wrote a few years ago on how Pooh bear tugs on my heartstrings:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/note.php?note_id=115761914068
I don't think you are asking to much. I had a hard time having a second child, it took almost 7 yrs. It drives me crazy to see others have children so easy and just treat them like crap.
Babsie- I was hoping the Dad was just frazzled. But still, it hurt to watch it. Again, I know sometimes I snap at Cayden when I shouldn't (this morning I worked REALLY hard to be ready to leave the house on time to make it to a St. Patricks day parade. Cayden was playing with my camera, and I turned my back, and when I turned around again, it was just gone. Still have no idea what he did with it, but I wanted so badly to get pictures of his first parade. I didn't yell at him, but looking back it was kind of hilarious, because I def. was agitatedly asking him over and over "what did you do with mommy's camera?" as if he'd answer me.) As much as I wanted to put the dad in his place, I just didn't want to make a bad situation worse, ya know?
As far as getting pregnant, as I've said before, we thought about getting pregnant with Cayden and I was knocked up. I mean we've been not trying to not get pregnant since before his birthday, but to be honest, we didn't do the deed a lot (first, we tended to be tired a lot, and then my husband and I went through a bit of a rough patch). I mean now, like I said, full court press. I've heard stories where people just get pregnant right off the bat. Maybe that'll be us again, since we're actively trying. Maybe it won't be. It's just again, so hard to hope. I heard stories of people trying as long as you guys did, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7 years. Some longer. I don't think I could do that.
But, yesterday Cayden walked up to me, patted my belly and said "baby" and he did it several times. He would leave, go play with a toy, and come back and say "baby" again while patting my stomach. Jeremy and I have not had a talk about another baby around him. We haven't asked him if he'd like a sibling (he can't really answer, anyway, so what's the point.) I haven't patted my stomach or anything like that. So I'm like, random coincidence, or one of those, children know all moments? I'm also getting ready to buy a bridesmaid dress for my friends wedding in September. The last time I got pregnant? I had just bought my wedding dress. So. Fingers crossed please, ladies!
I don't think you're asking too much either. I really think you have a lot of motherly love to give. And speaking as a little sister, I know that siblings are so important. My family has over the years gone through a lot of stuff, and I think if I didn't have my sister, I wouldn't have made it through any of it.
I'm terrified of ever becoming a mom because I have NO maternal instinct whatsoever. My niece lived with us since she was born until she was 5, and even though I love her to DEATH, I couldn't bring myself to even change her diapers or hold her for long periods of time. I feel terrible about it, and I can't help but dread that that's the kind of mother I could turn out to be.
Have any of you with kids ever gone through something like that?
Fenhu-
I know that I've always loved babies, but I didn't always love changing their diapers or sometimes even holding them. It's kind of scary, especially when they're not yours. I know a LOT of people have told me how different it is with their own. My husband's the same way, he wouldn't even hold other people's babies, I kept telling him when I was pregnant "You need to get in some practice" but uh uh, he wasn't doing it. He was SUCH a natural with my son, it literally shocked the hell out of me. He's also the diaper king, and is the only one in my family (besides my brother, who has never changed a diaper) who hasn't been peed on or pooped on. I know also with me, a lot of women talk about a bonding experience with their child during pregnancy. I didn't really feel that, and it worried me a lot. Even the first few days after he was born, I didn't really feel the things I thought I was supposed to feel. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, and I took care of them, I didn't have any bad feelings towards him. But again, a lot of woman talk about this amazing connection from the first second they see their child. I think I was just so overwhelmed (with my being sick, and plus the last two weeks of my pregnancy were exhausting, with Jeremy's knee surgery and everything) and terrified of doing something wrong... I didn't even want to change his clothes. I didn't know if I was "allowed", I thought the nurses in the nursery would get mad. Of course, I realize now, it was my baby, I could do whatever I wanted... But it was just such a new experience.
All in all, I guess my point is, I think it can be VERY different when it's YOUR child. However, if you know you personally don't want kids, then that's OK too. But if it's more that you're afraid you won't feel maternal towards them? I wouldn't worry about that.
And as for siblings, I want Cayden so desperately to have brothers/sisters. I know, like you, that while my brother sister and I didn't always get along, we ALWAYS had each other's backs, and there are a lot of moments I wouldn't have gotten through without them.
Thanks so much for your words! I'm not planning on having kids for sometime, but I would like to have them eventually. I guess everyone gets scared about having kids, what kind of parent am I gonna be, will my kids like me (or the one you're not supposed to say, will I like my kids). I'd rather die than have my child feel like they're a bother or a burden.
Well, I wrote in Cayden's journal that I kept for him while I was pregnant, that I wasn't always going to like him. I wasn't always going to like the things he did, and I'm sure there will be plenty of times where he doesn't like me or the things I do. But I'll always love him. And you're right, there are just TONS of fears that come with being a parent. Ranging from how do I know which baby product is the BEST to what if my kid grows up and becomes a serial killer? But, it all really does work out. Sometimes not perfectly, but it all works out.
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