Toni's POV: Lucky to have been where I have been

She had never really had an opinion on ceilings. Never really thought of them until now. It wasn’t because of the remodel that she was now considering them, but because of the insane amount of time she was spending on her back as of lately.
Ha, had she said that outloud, Nick would have chimed in with some stupid comment about how lying on her back got her into this mess, even though he knew full and well that she was rarely on her back, even during that. It was one of the things he had liked most about her, her willingness to try anything and to avoid the ordinary.
But, back to ceilings. Everyone was babying her since she left the hospital, and she hated it. Every time they spotted her up, they told her to go lay back down, and she wanted to scream and rip out her hair. Oh sure, the first day it was nice, having her feet propped up and staying in PJ’s all day, reading whatever she wanted and having whatever she wanted brought to her. But, it had gotten old fast, and that’s when she started staring at the ceilings.

She hated Ella’s popcorn ceilings, and promised herself that as soon as the remodel was done and the babies were born that she and Ella would set to work on remodeling Ella’s house. It would be a way to pay her back, both for her kindness, and for the unusual punishment of banning someone to stay in bed all the time. She knew popcorn ceilings were a pain in the neck to get rid of, at least that’s what all the remodel shows said. That was the other thing she was doing. Staring at the ceilings and watching every show ever made about house remodeling – design on a dime, while you were out, trading spaces, even extreme home makeover, but she wouldn’t watch the last one when anyone else was around. It made her cry EVERY time, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. She blamed both the cabin fever she had from being confined to bed, and the extra pregnancy hormones.

She was actually relieved when her Mom offered to come get her, which was surprising. She had avoided her parents house since her Dad died, only stopping in for brief visits, and trying to stick to the rooms where she felt her Dad’s ghost the least. This trip would be harder, her first overnight back home, and when her Mom first said she was coming, she tried to think up excuses to stay at Ella’s instead. But, then the boredom set in, and Toni knew she had to get out of here before she lost her mind. She hoped her Mom would be more laxed on the “relaxation” rule the doctor had given her. But, she realized that even if her Mom wasn’t, there were still ways to trick her. There, her mother would be the only person to watch her, and Toni knew how easy it was to get distracted with Kyle and Izzy around. All she had to do was ask her Mom to take them away for the afternoon, so Toni could rest, and she would at least be able to roam the house without people breathing down her neck and telling her that she should be in bed with her feet up. She was still nervous about going to her Parent’s house until last night when she got up to use the bathroom and had three different people ask her what she was doing and where she was going. She knew she had control issues, but seriously, a grown woman should be able to go to the bathroom on her own without having to answer to anyone!

The worst part was, she couldn’t even really blame them for being so concerned. Toni herself was pretty worried over the whole situation. She kept replaying over and over in her head that moment that she felt the sharp stabbing pain cut through her. She was so worried that moving wrong and laughing wrong, or doing something would bring that pain back again. She was worried that when she went back to the doctor again, that they’d find one baby, and not two, or even none at all.

Still, every time Nick asked her if she was worried, she said no. She knew he was looking to her to be strong, and since she couldn’t be strong physically, well then, she’d just have to be strong mentally. Besides, it had been a long night in the hospital, one spent fighting with God. She wondered why he had given her such a heavy load, one that she at first wasn’t sure she wanted, and now that she knew she wanted it, one that she wasn’t sure she could carry. She had two other kids to take care of, and now he wanted her to put it all on hold for these two? When they might not even make it themselves? Why would he do that? It didn’t seem fair.

In the end though, she realized, that God had yet to give her too much to handle, and in every hard time she had ever faced, she had always learned an important lesson at the end. It was hard, it was scary, it was frustrating, but if she got through it, she would be blessed with two more adorable children. If they didn’t make it through… Well, she wasn’t sure what the lesson in that would be. Maybe how amazing her family and friends were? But she knew that now. How precious her children were too her, and how delicate their lives were? Well, she knew that too. So the only answer she had was, that it was going to be OK. She just had to trust in that.

“You’re Mom called. She’ll be here in ten.” Nick said, coming into Ella’s bedroom and stretching out next to Toni on his stomach.

“I better make sure all my stuff is together. And check the bags for the kids.” Toni answered, starting to heft herself up.

“Hey, don’t worry about all that. Your stuff is by the door and I packed the kids bags.” Nick answered, reaching for Toni.

“I know. That’s why I need to check the bag!” Toni said, laughing. Nick rolled his eyes, and Toni settled back down next to him.

“You sure you wanna go? I’m sure your Mom wouldn’t mind staying here and visiting.”

“Ohhh, yeah, good plan. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind sleeping in Kyle’s bed with him.” Toni answered sarcastically.

“I feel like I don’t get to spend any time with you anymore.” Nick whined.

“I know. It has been crazy.” She said, raking her nails lightly over his scalp. “But you’re going to be busy this weekend anyway, with the house.”

“With all those guys there, they wouldn’t mind if I ducked out for a little bit and spent some time with you.” Nick responded.

“Oooh no. You can’t bail on Ella like that. That’s a testosterone fueled disaster waiting to happen and I need to know there’s going to be an adult there to supervise.”

“It’s full of adults.”

“No. It’s full of boys who all like the same girl. I can promise you, they’re going to be trying to either one up each other, or fight. You need to be the level headed one in all of that.”

“Awww, I can’t egg it on?” Nick whined.

“You can, a little, but make sure you end it before it comes to blows.” Toni said, smiling at him.

They were quiet for a moment, cuddling and enjoying the company. In moments like these, Toni honestly loved her life, and questioned just how she got so lucky.

“ Since you won’t be here on Sunday, do you want your Valentines Day gift now?”

“You got me a gift?” Toni asked, looking at him. “When did you manage that?”

“Oh, my dear sweet wife, has your husband ever let you down on a Holiday? Even a silly fake made up one? I have my ways.” He said, grinning at her.

“You’re such a cheeseball. Of course I want my gift!” She said, sitting up in anticipation.

“You sure? You don’t really seem excited about it.” He said, teasing her.

“Give me my gift!” She said, slapping him gently on the arm.

He laughed and sat up, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket.

She took it, wondering what it could be. A gift certificate? Tickets to something? Only one way to find out. She opened it, and was unable to hide her disappointment when all that was in it was a picture of a necklace.

“No offense Nicky, the picture’s nice, but I’d rather have the real thing.”

He laughed. “I know. I’m going to get you the real thing… Only it’s a family necklace. The necklace is made up of the birthstones of our family. See, you’re going to be in the middle, because you’re the center of this family, and then Kyle’s and Izzy’s will be on either side of you, and mine’s going to be above yours… But I wanted to wait to see what month the twins were born in before I had it made. I know what month they’re supposed to be born in… But…” He trailed off.

“I love it.” Toni said, trying not to cry. “Seriously Nicky, it’s great. I just wish I didn’t have to wait so long to get it.”

“I know, but it’ll be worth it, right?” He asked, his eyes searching hers. She knew he wasn’t just talking about the necklace.

“Of course Nick. It’s always worth it.” She said, sincerely.

He leaned forward and kissed her gently, and she felt her annoyance with him melt away. He had been the worse about babying her, but she realized now that he was just scared. He felt his role was to protect them all, her and the kids, and this was the one instance where he just couldn’t protect them, there was nothing he could do.

Still, she had a sudden calming feeling was over her, and she was suddenly sure that everything would turn out OK.