Drew's POV: You've got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

I had gone out last night to celebrate Matt’s birthday, and was surprised to see that Ella was MIA. I was curious to where she was, but I didn’t want to ask about her. She had been so weird lately, and honestly, I was a little relieved that she wasn’t there. It was easier when she wasn’t around, as hard as that was to admit. There was a point in time where no matter how much it hurt to see her, it was better when she was around. Now, it was just hard, all the time, and as much as I wanted it to be easier, I couldn’t figure out how to make it easier.

Not that she was trying to help matters.

Still, even though I was glad she wasn’t there, and even though I didn’t want to ask where she was, I was still curious. Was she avoiding me? Was she still pouting? Was this another juvenile trick to make me wonder about her?

When I overheard Matt telling Jarren that she was with Seth, I got angry. And then I got angry because I was angry. I shouldn’t care. Things were supposed to be over between us. She could see who ever she wanted, and so could I. I reasoned with myself that I was just upset that Christi wasn’t there. It was partly that, but again, partly because I always hated it when Ella dated anyone.

I didn’t stay out as long as I normally would have. I wanted to get some extra time in on the house, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to call Christi to take my mind off Ella. So I went home, and tried to ignore Seth’s car in Ella’s driveway as I drove past. It was harder to ignore his car still in her driveway this morning when I woke up.

I used my anger to fuel my demo work, pounding tile and pretending to be pounding Seth’s face. That, combined with texting Christi, made me feel better. Fuck Ella. Fuck Ella and this whole fucked up situation. I knew it was partly my fault too, but it was so much easier to blame her, rather than place the blame on the both of us. I was feeling better when my Mom called.

“Hi Drew!” She said, sounding actually excited to talk to me. “How’s it going bud?” This was also a new habit she had picked up since dating the guy with kids. She talked to me like I was four.

“Fine Mom. How are you?” I asked, tossing down my hammer and sitting on the toilet.

“Good, good. I was wondering when you’d be able to come for a visit?”

“Dunno, Mom. We’re really busy here. Trying to get the house ready and all.”

“Well, do you think you could make it away for just a couple days? The kids would really love to see you.”

“I don’t think so Mom. We’re kind of on a tight deadline with lots to get done.” I said, knowing I sounded distracted and not really caring.

“You’re brother and sister would like to see you Drew.” She repeated again.

“I’d really love to see them too, Mom. But they’re dead. You do remember they died, right? Or did you forget about them when you replaced them?”

She was quiet for a moment, and I could hear her trying to reign her anger in. Good old Mom, never showing any emotion.

“Drew, I would really like you to come see us.”

“Don’t think it’s going to happen Mom.” I repeated.

I knew I sounded harsh, but I didn’t really care. My Mom spent her whole life trying to act like I didn’t exist, like I was invisible. Now that she wanted to play Mommy, I wasn’t all that interested in playing son.

“Well.” She said, the excitement now drained out of her voice. “I wanted to wait till you came home to tell you, but… Well, I hope you can at least make it home for the wedding.”

“The wedding?” I asked, outraged. “Really Mom? You’re not even divorced yet!”

“Well thanks Drew, I’m pretty happy myself.” She countered.

“Yeah. Well. I gotta go.” I said, hanging up.

I went back to beating tile. When my phone rang a few minutes later, I eyed it warily. My Mom was pretty good at keeping her emotions hidden, but I always expected her to crack. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if she was calling me back to tell me off.

I looked at the caller ID. Christi.

“Hey you.” I said, smiling as I answered.

“Hey yourself.” She responded. “I don’t have a lot of time to talk, I just wanted to see what you were up to tonight?”

“Nothing. How about you?”

“I have some studying to do, but part of it is actually watching some Disney movies. Wanna come over and watch with me?”

“Disney movies? I want to go to your school.” I joked.

“It’s all about subliminal messages in children’s movies. There’s an urban legend floating around the some Disney movies have subliminal sex messaging. We’re supposed to watch and write a paper.” She explained.

“Well, I’m down. You want me to pick up dinner on the way?”

“Sure. Or we could just order a pizza. What do you think, seven work for you?”

“Sounds perfect. See you then.” I said, hanging up.


Christi was quickly becoming the highlight of my life right now. I had never met anyone quite like her, except for Ella. Part of me was a little worried that I was just going after her because she was so much like Ella. She was in school to become a therapist for children, and her dream was to use animals in her therapy. Still, there were pieces of her that weren’t like Ella at all. Her straightforwardness, she loved to sing and was quite good at it… Her drama free lifestyle. It was easy to be with her, it was worry free. I liked her a lot already, and could only see it growing in the future.

I worked a little longer, wanting to get all the tile off the floor and the walls so we could begin laying tile tomorrow. I was amazed at how fast the house was coming together, especially now that Jason was here to help, and some of Seth and Christi’s friends were stopping by often. The bedrooms were done, and now we had moved on to the bathrooms. After the bathrooms, the whole upstairs would pretty much be done. Nick was hoping to start on the basement when he came down again on the weekend. We were holding off on the downstairs. Nick wanted to see how far we got, he didn’t want to start a project only to have the babies show up in the middle. The kitchen was probably going to be our biggest undertaking, and it might get pushed back until after the babies were born. I wished Toni was here to see the progress we had made. I knew it would make her feel better about the whole situation. But, she had decided to stay with her Mom a little longer, so she could spend some time with Nick after he got off work. He was going to bring her and the kids back, along with some more of their things when he came back on the weekend.
After I was done working, I hopped in the shower, and then got dressed for my date. I threw on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved polo. I wanted to look good, but didn’t want to look like I was trying. After all, it was just pizza and a movie.
I opened the door to step out and ran smack dab into Ella.

“Oh. Hey. Sorry about that. You here to see Jason?” I said, moving around her and down the steps.

“No, actually. I’m here to see you. Got a minute?”

“Nope. Heading out now. Besides, I thought you wanted space?” I answered. I was in full on dick mode. I didn’t care.

“Drew. Please?” She said, reaching out and touching my arm lightly. “It’s important and will only take a second.”

I paused and turned to look at her. Her eyes looked sad. I could never resist that. I sat down on the edge of the stairs. She smiled and sat down next to me.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I know what I said about space... And it’s what I thought I wanted, but now I’m just… Confused. Things between us got so weird so fast, we said it wouldn’t get like this.”

“But it is.” I said shrugging. “I don’t know how to change it.”

“Neither do I.” She answered, sighing. “You are just so confusing right now.”

“I’m confusing? You’re the one freaking out because I’m hanging out with another girl. You have a boyfriend Ella, and it’s not me.”

“First, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Not yet.” I countered.

“Whatever. He’s not right now. And secondly, you’re the one who broke up with me. You’re the one who told me you wanted to be with me, but not right now, because of your Mom. You’re the one who told me you’d wait for me. Then the first second another girl comes around, a girl who happens to remind Seth of me, by the way, you go after her.” She sounded agitated, angry.

“Ella, I already told you, I’m not arguing with you.” I said, standing to leave.

“You’re right.” She said. “I don’t want to argue either. But, I’m angry. I can’t help it. I’m so angry with you, and hurt, and just. Confused. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix this, I want to go back to how we were, but I can’t. I just don’t know how too, and I don’t want to believe that cutting you off is my only option.”

“So what is it that you want from me Ella? You want me to figure this all out for you? Fix this like I always use too? I told you, I don’t have the answers either. I’m just as clueless as you are right now.”

“I didn’t ask you to fix this! Jesus Drew, I’m just trying to talk to you. You remember talking, right? We used to do that all the time.”

“Yeah, well. Things change.” I said, thinking of both Ella and my Mom.

“Oh trust me Drew, I know that.” She said, sarcastically. “Just look at you. It’s like you and Jason suddenly swapped personalities. He’s caring and nice to me, and you’re a walking talking dick.”

“Why are you even comparing us Ella? I’ve been nothing but nice to you. I’m sorry you’re not getting your way right now, but I think it’s time you grew up and moved on. Stop throwing temper tantrums when people don’t do what you want.”

“Right Drew. You’re right. It’s totally time to grow up and move on. I’m just done with this. You used to be my go-to person. If I had a problem, you understood. And now, you’re just… Mean. I meant it when I said I don’t want to fight with you. I really don’t. But now, the fact of the matter is,I think my first decision was best. I don’t even want to be your friend. Bye Drew. This is me, moving on.”

With that, she stood and walked inside the house, slamming the door behind her.

I tried to tell myself I didn’t care. Told myself the whole way over to Christi’s house. Who needed her anyway? Lately all Ella had been doing was causing a huge source of stress in my life. But if it didn’t matter, then why did it hurt so much?