Another ditch in the road, you keep moving

Jarren and I weren’t too close anymore. We had had a few falling outs over the years, and I was annoyed with her immaturity. I think she was slightly jealous of me, and how I had my life together, but she didn’t want to put any effort into getting her own life together. Her whole life was a mess, she couldn’t hold down a job, not because of lay-offs or bad luck, but simply because she didn’t feel like working. She and her father, who she lived with, had a rocky relationship. Partly because her Dad was a huge asshole, and partly because he got annoyed with her freeloading and carefree attitude. She desperately wanted to be in a relationship, but couldn’t maintain one of those either. She tried to hook guys by having sex with them right off the bat, and didn’t understand why guys wouldn’t call her the next day. I didn’t have a problem with her one night stands, if that’s what she wanted, more power too her. What I had a problem with was her whining after the one night stands that guys ALWAYS did this to her. You can’t do the same thing over and over again, and not expect different results. However, I could be accused of doing the same thing with Jarren. I was annoyed by her in general, and yet I still kept hanging out with her, hoping she would change. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

I had attempted to distance myself from her. She didn’t put up too much of a protest. She was one of those people who only wanted to hang out if she got something out of it: if I was buying her something, if I’d give her gas money to come see me (I live in the very north part of Columbus, and Jarren lives in the very south part. However, she has never once given me gas money to come see her.) Sometimes I felt more like her parent then her friend. So, when I got sick of it, it was easy to call and ask her to come over to hang out, and have her beg off, saying she had no gas (and hinting she wanted me to give her money.) I could say “maybe next time” and leave it alone.

This morning, however, I had really wanted to see her. Jarren, queen of horrible decisions, had dated a married man for six months. He did, eventually leave his wife, but it was after he had dumped Jarren. I wasn’t planning on dating Jason, but I did want to talk to someone whom had been in the situation, and would know what I was going through. I wasn’t even sure Jarren would offer good advice, but I needed to get it off my chest and knew she wouldn’t judge me. So, I offered not only to pick Jarren up so she wouldn’t have to waste gas, but also to take her out to breakfast.

I picked Jarren up, and we drove the short distance to my favorite breakfast place, a tiny dive in German Village called the German Village Coffee Haus. They served fantastic food, my favorite being HUGE pancakes. There was also a hip little bakery a few doors down that made yummy cupcakes. It was a must hit after every breakfast.
She was grumpy and quiet when she got into the car, not used to waking up before noon. She warmed up quickly as soon as we were seated and she had a hot cup of coffee in front of her.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever Ella. I miss my friend!” She exclaimed, sipping slowly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Jarren loved guilt trips.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy. With work.” I kept my tone light, but we both know I was bringing up the fact that I worked, and she didn’t.

“Well what’s been going on?” She asked, ignoring my shot at her. “You still seeing what’s his face?”

“Greg?” I asked, setting aside my menu. “That’s complicated, but not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” She asked, glancing at her menu. “Well, what’s up?”

“Jason…” I started. I didn’t really know how to finish. I took a deep breath and tried again. “Jason kind of admitted he was still in love with me.”

“Whoa.” Jarren said, looking up. “What’d you do?”

“I bolted.” I said, laughing slightly. “But, that didn’t stop him. He showed up at my house yesterday. And we kinda…”

“Ohmygod. You guys did it!” Jarren shouted, a little too loud.

“Shhh. Yeah. We did.”

“Way to go Ella!” She laughed. “I knew you and Jason would end up together. What about Greg?”

“We’re not getting together, Jarren. It was a mistake. I feel horrible about it. I just, don’t know what to do.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t feel bad. You and Greg haven’t been seeing each other for that long. It’s not a big deal. You and Jason have history.”

“I don’t feel bad for Greg! We never had the whole exclusive talk, so I don’t feel like I cheated on him. I feel bad because Jason’s married!”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I mean, sucks to be Kayla.” Jarren replied.


My mouth dropped at her attitude, but before I had a chance to respond, the waitress came over to take our order. As soon as she left, I had to hold myself back from ripping into Jarren.

“Really? That’s all you’ve got to say? What if it were you?”

“What if it were me what?” She asked, confused.

“What if you were Kayla, and your husband cheated on you?”

She shrugged. “I mean, if you can’t keep your man…”

I rolled my eyes. I had wanted to talk to Jarren to get it off my chest, but I ended up just feeling worse. I knew this conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I decided to let it go, but I think Jarren and I could both feel the mood shift. The rest of the breakfast was awkward, filled with long stretches of silence. We did hit the bakery after breakfast, but as we piled into the car, Jarren looked at me.

“So, what’s next?” She asked, smiling.

“I’ve got to go home. I went home early yesterday and I called off today. I really should try to catch up on some work.” The truth was, I was planning on going home and watching sappy romance movies until Greg came back over. But, I didn’t want Jarren to invite herself over.

“Whatever.” She huffed, clearly upset.

I sighed. I didn’t want to spend every second with Jarren anymore. But, I still felt bad. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I’m going out of town this weekend. But, next weekend, maybe we can hang?” I asked, stopping in front of her house.

“We’ll see.” She answered, not bothering to say goodbye as she slammed the door behind her.


I had planned to go home and veg out until Greg got there. I didn’t want it to look like I put any effort into getting ready for this talk, I didn’t want it to look like it mattered, but I also wanted to relax so I wouldn’t be a nervous wreck when he showed up. I figured vegging out in front of some movies would had been perfect, but suddenly I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t want to go into an empty house and think. I decided to go to the mall.

I could have called Jarren and asked if she wanted to come with me, but I didn’t. For one, I didn’t want to blow a bunch of money on her. And, I just kind of wanted to be aimless. I didn’t want to care about what someone else wanted to do, or where they wanted to go, or filling the air with mindless chatter. I had planned on maybe buying myself some new clothes, to amp up my wardrobe, but other than that, I had no plan. To kill time. To stop thinking. And I had found that shopping was a good way to clear your mind.

While wandering from store to store, eyeing and handling objects, I had finally come to the conclusion that all I could do, was let this whole Jason and me thing go. I felt badly about it, and I sure as hell felt guilty. But I couldn’t fix it. The only thing I could really do was tell Kayla, and if I did that… Well. I would feel better, but she wouldn’t. Was that fair? To give Kayla my hurt and my pain, especially when I was the one who caused it?

Before I knew it, I had an armful of shopping bags, and needed to leave to meet Greg.