Oh and I don't know, I don't know what he's after

As I pulled up to the house, I saw Greg’s jeep idling in the drive. I sighed, I just didn’t want to do this. I resisted the urge to bust a u-turn and pulled in behind him. Grabbing my bags, I stepped out of the car, Greg spotted me, and jumped down from his.

“Sorry I’m late.” I said. Seeing him did make my stomach flip a little. There was something so sexy to me about a guy in a hoodie. Greg was wearing a gray Ohio State hoodie with regular jeans. He looked so casual, yet so yummy at the same time. He smiled at me, slow and easy, and my stomach flipped again.

And then, I was angry. I didn’t want to like Greg anymore. What he had done was an asshole move, to beg me to tell him personal information, and then get all nervous when I did! And then, to just walk away and leave me wondering where we were at? How could he dump something like that on me, especially with everything else he knew I was going through?

I smiled a quick smile at Greg, and breezed on by him towards the house.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I have some errands to run. I thought maybe we could talk in the car on the way?” I said, unlocking the door.

This was a lie. I didn’t really have any errands to run. I was taking the last puppy to his new home, but I could have done that after Greg had left. I just didn’t want to be alone with Greg inside the house. He could have been here to officially break things off with me, or he could be here to try to smooth things over. I just wanted to be out and about either way.

“Uh, sure.” He replied, walking up behind me.

“Great, just let me grab a few things…” I said, motioning for him to wait on the porch. I dropped my bags inside the door, and got the puppy out of the crate. I leashed him, and was back outside, locking up.

I ignored Greg while walking to my car, instead getting on the phone to call the family and let them know I was on the way. I was half tempted to stick the dog in the front seat, leaving Greg to sit in the back, but that would have been too obvious of a snub.

“So.” Greg started when I was off the phone and driving down the street.

“So?” I asked, with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

“No work today?”

“I called off. I didn’t feel so good. It’s been a rough week.”

“Oh…” He trailed off. “Yeah, we had an early dismissal today. So. Here I am.”

I didn’t respond.

“Ella, are you mad at me?” He asked. “I just get the feeling that you don’t really want to see me today.”

“Funny. I got that feeling during lunch yesterday.”

“Ella…”

“Look, Greg. I have like, a lot of stuff to do, and I’m thinking of calling off the rest of the week and heading out of town a little early, so. I mean, you wanted to talk. So, we can either have awkward bullshit conversation this whole car ride and wait till we get home to talk, or we can talk now and possibly have the rest of the car ride for awkward bullshit conversation. Either way, I’m not really up for doing this whole ‘figure out guy code’ dealio today. So you tell me which option you’d like, and I’ll go along with it.”

Greg was quiet for a moment.

I pulled up to the people’s house. “I’ll be right back. You can decide which one you’d like while I’m gone.” I said, slamming the door behind me.

I spent a few minutes going over the paperwork with the parents, and watching their kids play with the last puppy helped melt some of my frustration and tension away. My mood was a little better when I got back into the car.

“Look, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings or made you angry yesterday. That was not my intention.” Greg said as I was backing out of their driveway.

“Then what were your intentions?” I asked. I had been planning on going on a few more fake errands, but changed my mind. If Greg were to officially break it off with me, I wanted to be at home so he could just leave, and I wouldn’t be stuck in a car with him. I knew if he did end things, I would be bummed. We hadn’t dated that long, but getting rejected is never a good feeling, I don’t think anyone likes it.

“I… Don’t know. It was just, a lot. We’ve been on a few dates, and I like you but. It’s been awhile Ella, since I’ve been in a serious relationship… It was just a lot, and it kind of freaked me out a little.”

“But you told me to tell you!” I yelled at him.

“I know! I know! That wasn’t fair of me, and I’m sorry for that. I just wasn’t expecting it be all that.”

“I get it Greg, I mean I know it was a lot. And normally I wouldn’t dump something like that one someone right away. But you practically begged me to tell you, and when I did, you bolt. It just sort of sends of red flags.”

“I mean Ella, I could say the same about your confession, you know. That divulging that kind of information so soon sends up red flags, not to mention what the information was about. But, I don’t think that’s very fair. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. The question is, how long are you going to hold it against me?”

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly.


We continued driving the rest of the way home in silence. I was expecting Greg to leave when we got back to my house, but as I parked, he sat in the passenger’s seat, waiting.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked, not really because I wanted him too, but because I felt like I should.

“Is this conversation over?” He asked.

“I don’t really know where else it could go. I mean, you’re sorry, I’m sorry. But I’m not sure if the damage is done. I mean you just kissed me for the first time the other night. This seems like a lot of stress for a relationship that hasn’t even started yet.”

Greg looked down at his hands.

“I just, honestly, feel like an idiot. Have you ever done something, and the second it was over, known that you made a really big mistake and wished you could take it back?”

I had to laugh, that hit so close to home.

“Yeah.” I answered. “It seems like that’s been happening a lot lately.”

“If I tell you one of my secrets, and kind of the reason I flipped, will it make you feel better?” He asked, looking up at me. His eyes were so sincere, and so gorgeous, that again, I felt that flip in my stomach. I wanted to lean over and kiss him, just because I could, but acting on impulse lately was what had gotten me into most of the messes I was in right now. I bit my lip.

“I can’t honestly say yes or no. But, I think it would make ME feel a little less dumb for pulling a TMI too soon.”

He nodded. “Can we go out back and talk?” He asked, reaching for the door handle.

“Sure.” I answered.

My back yard was starting to fill with bright red, yellow, and orange leaves. Greg went and sat down on the picnic table, and I went inside to let Cumulus out, who went racing around in the leaves, throwing them everywhere. Even Greg, who had looked quite serious ever since he admitted that he had a secret, had to laugh a little at Cue. Waiting to get some tension out, I chased Cumulus around for a minute, eventually tiring and falling back into a pile of leaves that Matt must have half-heartedly raked. Greg watched me for a moment, and then came over and laid down next to me, putting one arm behind his head as a pillow.

“I love leaves. The way they smell, look, and even sound when you walk on them. And how they swish when you walk through them. Fall is my favorite.” I said, trying to lighten the mood. I scooted over and rested my head on Greg’s chest. He slung his other arm around me, and I entwined my hand with his.

“So. Go. Spill this deep dark secret.” I said, cuddling up to him.

“Well. The thing is, my last serious relationship was REALLY serious…”

“How serious?” I asked, twisting my body so I was looking up at him.
“We were married. I didn’t know when to drop that on you. You’re the first girl I’ve really dated since her, and so, I’m kind of new at all of this.”

“Oh…” I said, trailing off, not knowing what else to say.

“She lives in California… With our son.”

This caused me to sit up. “You have a son?” I asked, shocked.

“I know, I know. I should have told you. Again, this is all so new, I just didn’t know how much was too much, and… It’s also tricky because I don’t get to see him a lot. He’s a huge part of my life, obviously. We call and email and skype a lot, but. He’s not a huge physical part of my life, do you know what I’m saying?”

I nodded, still shocked.

“See.” He said, sitting up next to me. “I was afraid this would happen.”

“What?” I asked, dazed.

“You’re freaked out.”

“No, I’m not.” I answered, shaking my head. “Shocked, yeah. Not freaked. It’s just a lot.”

“Well. Now you know how I felt.” He said, smirking.

“I don’t have a problem dating someone with a kid. Even a kid who’s around a lot more. It’s just, I dunno. I kind of wish you had told me sooner.” I said, shrugging.

He started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I asked, confused.

“You’re freaked because I didn’t share enough information, and I’m freaked because you shared too much.”

I smiled. “That is pretty funny.”

“You think we’ve got something here still, or no?” He asked, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t know Greg. I think right now we just should take it one day at a time.” I answered.

He laid back down, and after a moment, I cuddled up next to him. I wasn’t ready to call it quits for sure, but I also needed a break. I needed calm, constant Drew, and I decided that I was going to leave to see him as soon as Drew left.