Cuz this is a battle and it's your final last call

I called Matt and told him I suddenly really did feel sick, and asked him to skip dinner. I think he knew I was lying, and asked me if Greg had called or something. I honestly told him no, Greg hadn’t called, I was just feeling ill, which I was, and hung up with him. I wish I could have told him the truth, but I was so ashamed of what I had done, I didn’t want anyone to know.

I then hid out in my room. I didn’t want to see Matt, I didn’t want to see anyone, not even the dogs who whined and scratched at my door to be let in. I was so tired, I thought I might pass out. But, my sheets smelled like Jason. As much as I hated him, and myself right now, I pulled the pillow to my chest, and started to cry all over again.

I tried not to feel sorry for myself very often. My work was constantly shoving other people’s hardships in my face, so I knew as bad as I may have had it at times, there was always someone out there who was going through something worse. But, at this moment, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself. It just wasn’t fair. I had wanted Jason practically my whole life, and he was constantly being dangled in front of me, only to have some obstacle in our way or pulling us apart. To finally hear him say that he was the one for me, knowing he had someone else waiting for him at home? It just… Wasn’t fair.

To top it off, there wasn’t really anyone I could talk to about it. It wouldn’t be fair to dump this on Drew, especially after he had said all he had said about Jason and my relationship. I had just told Matt an insane amount of information, Toni would murder me, Nick or Sean would murder Jason. Jarren was the only person I had, and I wasn’t really expecting a whole lot of help from her. She was a pretty self absorbed person, and I was mainly turning to her just so I could get the story off my chest. I thought it might help me feel a little bit better.

I had to fight to go to sleep. I laid there for hours with my eyes closed, trying to shut off my thoughts and drift into what I hoped to be a dreamless sleep. I heard Matt come into the house, heard him putter around, and hesitate outside my door. I heard him turn on the TV. I thought I would be asleep, and then I would realize that I had just blanked out. Finally, after awhile of listening to a quiet house, I had assumed Matt went to bed, and ventured out for a snack.

I was sneaking into the kitchen when I saw Matt sitting at the table, in the dark. His face was illuminated by the screen of his laptop. His face was balanced in his hand, and he looked tired. I could hear the soft bings of an IM. I hesitated for a moment, wanting to slip back into my room, but Cumulus spotted me, and let out a little yip. Matt’s head quickly swiveled in my direction.

“Feel better?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Not really.” I answered, shuffling over to the fridge.

I sighed at the contents. I hated grocery shopping, and always waited till the last minute before I would go. The fridge was empty, except for a stick of butter.

“It looks pretty hopeless, doesn’t it?” Matt said.

“What’d you do for dinner?” I asked, shutting it.

“Ed and I grabbed some dinner. I should have grabbed something for you, I’m sorry.”

There were a couple more bings coming from his laptop. Matt went back to the table and sat back down, typing out a response.

“It’s my fault.” I said, slumping down across from him at the table. “I should have gone to the grocery store.”

“You wanna go grab something? We could hit up a twenty-four hour McDonalds or something. I’m kinda hungry too.”

“Yeah, but. I kinda want to get out of the house. Let’s go to Tee-Jay’s or someplace where we can sit and eat there.” I said, pushing myself up on the table. I didn’t really want to be around Matt, but I was really hungry, and the walls did feel like they were closing in on me a bit.

“Sounds good.” He said. He typed something quickly, and then shut the screen. I still heard two quick bings before he shut it.


I pulled on Drew’s sweatshirt and grabbed the keys. Before we made it to the car, Matt’s cell phone rang. He pulled it out, and looking at the screen, sighed deeply.

“Who is it?” I asked, unlocking the car.

“Kellie.” He said. He didn’t sound excited. “Hi Kell.” He answered.

It’s always awkward to sit in a car when someone else is having a conversation, especially when you can tell they’re being yelled at and you’re trying to act like you’re not listening.

“Kel, I’ll be there in a few days. I know… I know I said I would talk to you, and I will, I’m just grabbing something to eat. Kellie. Stop. I’ll be there this weekend, we’ll spend the whole weekend together and when I get hungry I’ll eat with you… OK, I’m going to go now. I can try to call you when I get home… Well Kellie I don’t know how late it’s going to be! I am just grabbing something to eat but it’s already eleven o’clock! Fine. Fine. Yeah, I’ll call you when I get home. Alright. Love you too. Bye.”

He hung up his phone and shook his head.

“Trouble in paradise?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“She’s just been so damn clingy lately. She wants me to talk to her every second, I swear. Texting, IMing, facebooking, talking on the phone… And if I’m busy she goes ape shit. It’s driving me nuts.”

“Have you told her this?”
“Yeah, and then she accuses me of not wanting her around. I mean I already got reamed at work once for texting her during a meeting, but if I don’t text back right away, she blows up my phone….” He sighed. “I’m also not supposed to say anything, but… The reason I’m going back this weekend? Is to grab some more of my stuff… They offered me a full time position here. I was going to talk to Kellie about it, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to take it.”

“Oh geez, Matt. That’s… Great?” I said, excited but also a little curious to how this was going to work out.

“It’s great for me. Kellie’s going to freak.” He shrugged. “I’m just not sure we’re going to work out anyway. I mean she’s freaking out already, if this is a permanent thing…”

“What about her moving her?” I asked, turning into tee-jay’s parking lot.

“Oh no.” He said, laughing a little. “First, Kellie would never leave home. She’s seriously attached to everything there. Secondly, it’s too soon for that.”

“Too soon?” I asked, swinging into an open spot. “Haven’t you guys dated for… Well, forever?”

“Like I said before, Ella. Sometimes I wonder if I’m with her just because it’s easy.”


We were seated quickly, the place being nearly empty. Tee-Jays didn’t have the best food in the world, but it was one of the few places around here open twenty four hours. The waitress dropped off our menus and took our drink orders, and I settled into the booth.

“So.” Matt said, cracking his menu open. “You’re sick?” He didn’t sound like he believed me.

“Yup.” I answered, hoping that would end the discussion.

“Really Ella?” He asked, looking up from his menu. “What happened?”

“What makes you think something happened?” I didn’t bother to look up from my menu.

“You’re just… Different. I mean you were sad when I left, but now. Well, you just look defeated. You shouldn’t let Greg get to you like that.”

I sighed. Defeated was a good word for how I felt.

“It’s not Greg, Matt. I just. I don’t want to talk about it really.”

“So something did happen?” Matt pried.

“Matt. Don’t want to talk about it. I think I’m going to get a burger.”

He took the hint. “I had a burger for dinner. I think breakfast sounds tasty.”

“I don’t do breakfast for dinner. I just feel so… Cheated when I do.”

Matt laughed and closed his menu. I set mine aside with his.

“So, moving here, eh? Where you gonna live?” I took a long sip from the coke the waitress set in front of me.

“I was hoping I could stay with you for a little bit. Not forever, just till I get my own place.”

I nodded. “That’s fine. I could ask my Dad, he has a few rental properties. I could see if anything’s open. Are you going to be OK with leaving everything behind though?”

“Yeah. I mean this whole Kellie thing is a mess. I think leaving is either going to make or break us, which we need. I’m most worried about leaving my sister. She doesn’t travel well so it’ll be up to me to go home and visit.”

“Well, I mean, the good thing about the agency is we’re pretty flexible with vacation time, as long as it’s not during the summer. If you work camp it is literally impossible to take vacay.”

Matt nodded. The waitress came back and took our orders.

His phone, which he had set on the table, vibrating loudly.

“See what I mean?” He said, picking it up. “A text. From Kellie. I told her I was getting food, yet here she is, texting me, asking me what I’m doing.” His tone was frustrated, and I felt bad. I wished I could call Kellie and tell her to cool it, that she was digging her own grave, but I figured having another girl call and say “back off your boyfriend” might come off a little suspicious.

As Matt was typing a response, my own phone buzzed. Matt’s eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me, I have no idea who would be texting me this late.” I said, reaching for my own phone.

Greg: Sry about earlier. Think we need 2 talk. R u awake?

“Who is it?” Matt asked, setting his phone back down.

“Greg. He wants to talk.” I said, trying to decide if I wanted to respond or throw my phone.

“What are you going to do?” Matt asked.

“I have no idea.”