FB: And if you want more love... Why don't you ask for it?

I met Jason out in the hallway, the hotels air conditioning throwing a chill over me. Jason place a warm hand on the small of my back, gently guiding me to the elevator. I suddenly felt like I was on a first date again, electric shooting through me whenever Jason bumped into me, questions darting through my mind… Why was he standing so close to me? Is he looking at me a lot? I wonder what he’s thinking? He’s reaching for my hand… Is he holding it in a friendly way, or is he trying to send me some signals?

I was thinking so much that I didn’t hear him ask me a question.

“Ella?” He asked again, smiling.

“Sorry. I’m kind of tired.” I responded lamely.

“Do you want to stay in? We could just order room service or something.” He asked, a worried look crossing his face.

“No.” I answered quickly. “I’ll be fine. I need some fun.” I answered. Then I giggled nervously, thinking that fun could mean sex, which I needed as well.

Jason shot me a look with a half smile, as if he were questioning my sanity.

“What’d you ask me?” I said, trying to change the subject and appear normal.

“What are you in the mood for? Dancing? Dinner?”

“Well, definitely dinner first. I’m starved.”

Jason nodded. “Let’s head over to Pine, I hear there are plenty of restaurants and bars over there.”

“Lead the way.” I answered, smiling.

We stopped at a restaurant named Gladstone’s and ordered some amazing seafood. I wasn’t a huge fish fan, but I loved lobster, crab, and shrimp, and this place was tasty. We talked non stop throughout dinner, laughing and forgetting about Jacob. However, as we were waiting for the check, Jason cleared his throat and brought Jacob front and center.

“So… What happened with Jake?” He asked, looking slightly uncomfortable.

I shrugged, looking over Jason’s shoulder and taking in the view.

“Ella…” He prodded after a few minutes. I didn’t want to go there. I wanted this to be a fun weekend where I didn’t have to think about things that hurt me.

“I dunno, Jas. I just… He’s so hurt over Michelle. And I get it. If you ever did something like that…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly how to finish it. “But he’s not trying, at all. Actually, I take that back. He is trying his damndest not to feel anything, and then he’s so shocked when the alcohol wears off and there’s all this… Pain. I just feel… I feel like when he looks at me, all he sees is a mistake. Like he should have picked Michelle.” I looked away and shrugged. “Maybe he should have.”

“Ella, that’s not true.”

“It is true Jason. He resents me for Michelle dying. I don’t even really blame him for it. I just wish he would man up and say so. I wish he’d admit to feeling something… I don’t know. It’s a mess, and I can’t help him, because he doesn’t want me too, so what else can I do, but walk away? I mean I feel for him, but not enough to stick around and be his punching bag.”

Jason nodded. “Yeah.”

“So… What about you and Kayla?” I ventured cautiously. “What’s going on there?”

The waiter came then, and handed Jason the check, which I tried to take from him and he wouldn’t let me. He busied himself with paying for it, and then we left the restaurant, walking around to try to figure out something to get into. I thought the question was lost, and didn’t really have the courage to bring it up again, but to my surprise, Jason started talking on our walk.

“She’s just a lot of… Work. I know relationships ARE work, but that’s not all the should be, all the time, you know? I mean she’s crazy jealous of you, and it’s like, any time I talk to you, or talk about you, her whole mood shifts.”

“..Sorry.” I said, feeling guilty for something that I knew wasn’t my fault.

“No, it’s not your problem, it’s hers. It’s like, if she doesn’t trust me, why are we together? I don’t know. She said she needed some time to think about what she wanted… I mean I don’t blame her. It’s not like I’m a great boyfriend. I live far away from her, and most of the time I’m busy with Corps stuff and it’s just… It’s a lot. So we split.”

“I think you are a great boyfriend.” I said, smiling.

“Well, thanks.”

“It’s just… If you really want to be with someone, I don’t think any of that stuff matters. Yeah the distance is hard, and yeah trust is sometimes difficult, but if you really want to be with a person… It’s worth it.”

“I agree.” Jason said, stopping at a pier that overlooked the beach. He leaned against the rail, shooting me a sideways look that I couldn’t really read.

I shivered, from the look and from the chill in the air. Jason shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around me, standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me. We didn’t speak, didn’t move, we just stood there. I swear I felt our two hearts beat in time as one.

We eventually decided to skip the clubs and head back to the hotel. I was more tired than I was ready to admit. Jason walked me to the door.

“Well. Thanks for the good night, kid.” He said, punching me lightly on the arm.

“Wait… Do you wanna come in? And like… Watch a movie?” I was exhausted, but I also didn’t want Jason to go.

“You look like you’re about to keel over any second, I don’t think you’re going to make it through a movie.” Jason laughed.

“We can at least start one…” I said, whining slightly.

“Alright. But don’t try to stay up for my sake.” He said, following me into my room.

I changed into pajama pants and a tee shirt, and when I came back into the room, Jason was in his boxers under the blanket. As soon as my head hit his chest, I was out like a light.

The rest of the weekend we spent bumming around, hanging out on the beach, cuddling, talking… Our relationship had shifted again, but into what, I couldn’t quite tell. Jason would give me these looks, as if he wanted to say something, but he never did. We never did anything more than cuddle and hand hold either, but I wanted more, and I think he did as well.

Finally, it was time to head home. I felt rejuvenated, my skin felt glowy from the sun, and my mood was high. I was still a little bummed about Jacob, but I felt… Hopeful.

However, the hope was quickly knocked out of me when I walked up to my gate with Jason at the airport and not only saw Jacob waiting for me, but Kayla as well.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked.

“She came to surprise you.” Jacob answered for Kayla. “We spent the weekend talking… Ella, please, can you and I talk…” He glanced at Jason, “alone?”

I looked at Jason, not sure what to say, but he was already being pulled away by Kayla. I felt my heart ripping in half. She was probably here to apologize. They were going to get back together. It was the way things were supposed to be.

“What’s up?” I asked, keeping my distance from him.

“Look… Kayla and I spent the whole weekend talking… I know you two don’t really get along, but she’s actually a really smart girl and…”

I shot Jacob a look and started to walk away. After all he had done to me I was about to stand there and listen to him sing some other girl’s praises, especially Kayla’s.

“Ella wait.” He said, grabbing my arm. “What I meant was… Just. She knocked some sense into me, OK? I realize I’ve never said this to you, but I’m sorry. What I did was wrong, and you’ve put up with an awful lot from me… I’ve talk to Kayla, and my Mom, and they both think maybe I should get into some counseling, for Michelle, and for the drinking…”

“Well. Good for you.” I said. I realized after I said it that it came across as kind of bitchy. I didn’t mean it too, I just… Didn’t know what else to say.

“I want us to work Ella. I really like you. And I know I have no right to ask you this but please… Give me another shot.”

“Jacob…” I asked, glancing over to look at Jason. He and Kayla were in a heated conversation. I watched them for a minute, making it look as if I was trying to figure out what to say. Really, I wanted to gauge Jason’s reaction to Kayla. If he walked away from her, I would walk away from Jacob. If not… Well. Then I would give Jacob another shot. I guess.

My heart broke when Kayla pulled Jason into a hug, and Jason, glancing at me, hugged her back.

“Ella… I know I don’t deserve it. But really, you’ve been through this whole thing with me, and… I just want to make it right between us. I want you in my life. I won’t mess up again Ella, I promise and it’s just… I’m done with the partying, done with the other girls. I’ll deal with my issues and I’ll work on being the man you deserve. Please, just one more chance.”

Jason and Kayla were walking back towards us, hand in hand. Kayla had a huge smile on her face, and Jason… Well, I wasn’t able to read him.

I nodded, almost involuntarily at Jacob. He reached forward and wrapped me up in a hug.

“Thank you so much Ella. I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you.” He said, kissing my cheek.

“Jacob, I think it goes without saying… You mess up again, it’s over. I don’t want to put perfection pressure on you or anything like that, but I’m also not going to be played. You need to show me that you’re putting in effort, or I’m done. Understand?”

He nodded, seriously. “I care about you a lot Ella.” He said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I could easily see myself marrying you. I won’t mess it up. I promise.”

Jacob held onto me until my flight was called. He did finally let go so I could hug Jason goodbye. I wasn’t sure if it was him or I, but one of us definitely held on too long.