FB: And I'm not sorry that it's over But for the way we let it end

Jacob stood there, his nostrils flared, anger written all over his face.

“You’re doing what she did,” he seethed. “You’re asking me to choose and that isn’t fair.”

“First of all, Jacob, she isn’t here anymore. I can’t ask you to choose, she isn’t here. Second of all? Quit it with this ‘it’s not fair’ shit. Life isn’t fair. You’re right, it’s not fair Michelle killed herself. But it’s also not fair that I’ve been dealing with this since we officially got together. It’s not fair that I have to deal with it, especially considering I didn’t MAKE her kill herself. It’s also not fair that I’m still hearing about how she made you choose, because SHE did that, not me. It’s not fair that YOU’RE the one who cheated on ME, and yet you’re standing here trying to tell me that I have no right to be angry, it’s not your fault, because something bad happened to you. Get over it Jacob. Life just isn’t fair.” I turned to leave the room.

“Where are you going?” He yelled.

“I’m going to call Jason. He’s going to pick me up and take me back to the airport, where I will do my best to find a flight home tonight. You aren’t even willing to listen, let alone try, and I’ve wasted too much time already.” I said, reaching for my phone.

“Oh. Yeah. Classic Ella. Freaking classing.” His laugh was both sarcastic, bitter, and a little evil.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, searching through my contacts for Jason’s number.

“You always run to him! Always! And here you go again, running back to him, letting him save the day.” He ran his hands through his hair, matting the gel that was in it. “You got so angry when I did that with Michelle, and here you are, doing it to me.”

“It’s not like that, and you know it Jacob. I didn’t hang all over Jason, and I certainly didn’t use him as an excuse to cheat on you.”

“You’re using him as an excuse right now, a place to run instead of facing our issues.”

“I’m not the one who doesn’t want to face our issues, Jacob. YOU are. Jesus!” I yelled, throwing my phone on the chair where it bounced off and slid across the floor. “Stop making this about ME and just own up to your own mistakes!”

“Then why are you threatening to leave?” He asked, his voice cracking. “I’ve had enough of people leaving me! You, my Dad, Michelle…”

I watched Jacob fall apart on the chair. I hate to admit this, but part of me was a little disgusted. I know it was stereotypical, but I hated to see guys cry. It was OK if they had a reason, or if it was just a few tears rolling down their face… But in this situation? Jacob was a sobbing mess. He was pathetic, and not in a way that made me feel the least bit sorry for him. If anything, it made me resent him more. I felt like he was trying to make me feel bad for him. I didn’t want to feel sorry for him.

“I’m leaving Jacob. I am. Because you’re making me want to leave. You didn’t make Michelle leave, or your Dad leave, they made those choices, poor choices, which I bet they later came to regret. But I can’t stay, not with you acting like this, because that’s something I’ll later regret.”

“Tell me how to fix it!” He yelled through angry sobs.

“I don’t know, Jacob. I really just don’t know if it can be fixed.”

I surprised myself by saying that. I didn’t really know for sure that it was over until now, until those words spilled out of my mouth. As bad as it sounded, I think it was the crying that did it for me. He seemed so defeated, and in that I really saw that he had already given up, was unwilling to try. He was so lost in his own sadness, and he didn’t seem at all willing to try to break out of it.

“Whatever. Just go then. It’s not like I need you.” He said, laughing that bitter, evil laugh again and wiping his face roughly with his.

I picked up my phone from where it had landed, and went outside. I called Jason, and he picked up immediately, as if he was just sitting by the phone, waiting for my call.

“How’s it going?” He asked.

Now it was my turn to laugh through tears. Just because I was the one who called it over doesn’t mean that I wasn’t sad about it. I felt like Jacob and I had had so much potential, and it all went down the tubes so quickly.

“That good, huh?” He said, his voice dropping low.

“I gotta get out of here. You come get me?”

“Sure. What are your plans?” He asked.

“I’m gonna go home. I have work to do. This was just a big waste of time.”

“Ella…” He trailed off. Then sighed. “Look, I’ll be there in five. We’ll figure this out.”

Jason pulled up a few minutes later. Either he hadn’t gotten far, or he had broken some speed limits. I had braved going back inside long enough to grab my bag, Jacob had been nowhere in sight. He had either gone out the backdoor, or was holed up in the bedroom, I didn’t bother to look.

I was laying out front, on the concrete warmed by the sun, with my head resting on my bag. I was exhausted, a combination of jet lag and stress. He parked the car and stood over me, casting a long shadow over me.

“Tired?” He asked.

“I don’t think tired begins to cover it.” I complained. “I just want to go home.”

“No can do.” He said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“Jason, don’t. I tried with Jacob, I really did. And I really am sad about this. But he’s stuck in a hole of self pity that he dug himself, and he doesn’t want to try to get out of it. I can’t do anything with that, and really, I’m just done trying.” I sighed. “I just need a break. I’m under a lot of stress at work, and now this… I need to go home. Spend whatever’s left of the weekend on me, recharging.”

“My thoughts exactly Ella. You’re already here. It’s going to cost you more money to change in your ticket for one tonight. So, just stay the weekend.”

“I don’t want to stay the weekend with him.” I said, exasperated. Jason just didn’t get it.

He smiled. “I’m not saying with him. I’m saying with me. C’mon.” He said, reaching his hands down to help pull me up. “You can sleep in the car.”

“Where are we going?” I asked, confused.

“You’ll see.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips.

I wanted to go home, but I was honestly just so tired, and sick of fighting as well, that I climbed into the car. I was curious as well. Jason was pretty good at surprising me, and I always wondered what he had up his sleeve. I tried to stay awake, to see where we were going, but my eyelids kept getting heavier and heavier, and the moving car didn’t help matters either. With Jason’s warm palm resting in mine, I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke when the car stopped, and I felt much better. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to gauge where we were. We were in front of another large hotel, and it was dark out now. I heard roaring sounds in the distance, and the air was salty and fresh.
“Are we near the ocean?” I asked, confused. Twentynine palms was in the middle of the desert. A lot of people thought I was lucky, jet-setting off to California from Ohio. But really, twentynine palms wasn’t much of a vacation spot. It was hot, dry… Not the California most people pictured.

“Long Beach. You said you needed to relax. I know it’s only for a full day, but… I thought you could use a getaway.”

“How long have I been asleep for?” I asked, stretching.

“About three hours.”
“Jason… You didn’t have to do this… I mean, that’s a lot of driving and…”

“And what? You needed a break.” He said, smiling at me. “The hotel’s my treat, OK?”
“Fine, but only if you let me buy dinner.” I replied, my stomach rumbling. I was starving.

“Deal. Let’s get checked in, freshened up, and then you and I can grab some food.”

I had expected to share a hotel room with Jason. I mean we could have gotten a room with two beds, and even if we didn’t, it’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed together before. It would have saved him money. I don’t know what I was feeling though, as he asked for two rooms. Part of me was disappointed, and another part, impressed that he was showing that much respect and restraint.

I was glad now, that I had opted to bring some nicer looking clothes. I had almost packed junk clothes, expecting to either be laying around in a hotel room feeling sorry for myself, or laying around in a hotel room trying to work out my problems with Jacob. At the last second, I had thrown in some nicer sundresses. Still casual, but better looking than what I had packed, plain old tees and jeans.

I entered my room, after calling to Jason that he could head over in about ten. I knew I didn’t have enough time to shower, but I still rushed, changing into one of the sundresses and applying some makeup. I was just putting the finishing touches on my hair when Jason knocked.

I couldn’t explain the butterflies in my stomach, or how the weekend had gone from such a horrible one to a promising one in a couple of hours, but I liked it.